Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation

I should add I've also spoken to family services and social services regarding this and they don't seem to concerned about what he is doing ?

Hi my family knows what's going on and what he is doing although i certainly feel unsupported as they just say o just ignore him he is being silly or mum will say if he wants to be a weirdo let him. I feel they don't understand why I can't get over this. I was doing well then my three year old as I've been doing more shifts has been with him more hours then usual the Tuesday and Thursday. She is at nursery rest of week. I do feel I can't escape this because it has took over my life I hate the fact he is calling himself mummy now. I sent a message to him today out of pure anger basically saying he has confused our daughter and basically saying I never want to speak to him again. He even has the nerve to call himself mummy around me which really hurts. Why does he have to do it Infront of my face.

So sorry to hear this. I imagine it feels as if you will never be free of him. But your child will get older and things change. I'm wondering what support you have from friends and family, and whether you've been able to start again with your own life free from him? It sounds as if separating, however difficult, is better than being with him? Do you have formal access and custody arrangements?

Hi i have been told to come in this forum with my struggles. Basically my ex of 6 years well we have a child together I kicked him out of family home broke up with him and for a while managed to block it out because I just didn't communicate with him unless i had to. Well now he is calling himself mummy and it's literally confusing my daughter. I don't know what to do social services don't seem to care apparently men are allowed to do this crap. However it's ruining my life. I already had to put up with his jealousy through my pregnancy and i just feel through our whole relationship he was pretending to be a woman. It's destroyed me mentally and a few times wanted to take my own life because of him.

@ AxolotolEars - There is a website called childrenoftransitioners.org/ written by various adult children of transpeople\ transitioners. It gives information that is useful for family members and those working with the children affected. You and the grandparents may find the 'Gra submission ' and ' How to help children of transitioners' articles a good place to start.

Hi everyone. I am not a Trans widow but a volunteer for an organisation were support is offered around various challenges in life. I have had a couple in the seventies contact me about the fact their son, who is married and has children, has made an 'announcement' and is wanting them to relate to him as her. I have been reading about trans widows on Mumsnet for a long time. I will direct them towards the trans widow site but does anyone have any other suggestions? Thanks for your help.

I read it and did wonder, sorry.

I tried private therapy but no one understands us I think unless you have been through it. Especially in the current climate of being called tramsphobic if you go against TRAs or even try and put our opinion out there.

Article makes it sound as if her group is new?

And absolutely the NHS wouldn't pay for anything outside their standard offer. Funding for therapies is low and wait times are high. If a TW can afford private help, trying out an initial session with private therapists is best, to see if you get on and particularly to gauge their response to our fairly unusual and unique story.

You're correct that there are restrictions on delivering therapy in different countries and states ie parts of the US. There are ways round it and were you to find someone online you could just check that out individually.

I hadn't no. Just googled though x

I hadn't no. Just googled though x

I did look it up and if you are a therapist in another country who is licensed in that other country, you really can't do therapy with people in the UK via tele health. That's just what Google said and it is wrong at times obviously.

If I ever do get my therapy license I would like to be able to work with people in other countries, but would the NHS pay for it? From what I read its better to do it as coaching but that distinction between therapy and coaching can be a fine line.

I hope therapists there don't decide not to take trandwidows, that seems unethical.

I'm not sure what you mean by rules? People may access private care from wherever they choose, provided they can pay. If people are accessing care through the NHS, then they are limited to what the NHS will provide.

Have you heard of grey rocking?

Have you found any support online? It seems there really is none for children of these guys or for children of closeted people who were in hetero marriages.

It was my daughter's step dad and I'm grateful she has been able to heal and move on. Things got awful for both of us after the divorce. I think going through two divorces was just terrible for her and I still feel guilty for bringing him into her life.

You perpetually assume the worst in everything I have posted. I dont know why, but its a pattern. I haven't said a thing about you being irrational. I'm done arguing with you.

I don't require extra accommodations for being a trans widow either. I dont know what your issue is with me, but you seem to think I'm some TRA or something. I'm fine with that, I really wanted to have interesting conversations with everyone here but it seems impossible with you. And that's fine. I wish you well.

I'm wondering what the rules are on seeing a therapist online who is in a different country. That could be a possibility.

@Groutyonehereagain To reassure you ( if you don' t mind a CoT butting in!), I would not have rebuilt the close relationship with my grandmother after a long gap if she had remained close to my father, and accepted his awful behaviour to us. Boundaries matter.
There are no easy decisions in this.