Cancel Culture and The Chilling Effect - a thread to share your experiences

I have raised it at work because I felt ethically compelled to. All I did was to suggest that a full-blown acceptance of the whole she-bang of gender ideology might potentially not be evidence-driven or a always good thing and I lost out on a promotion (my stance was noted) and am sidelined by my colleagues. I live in fear of the students finding out which they well might (I suspect they guess because I don't share pronouns). I am tortured by fear, guilt, and impotence daily because I can't do more but I feel so compromised. I'm in an area where the debate is directly relevant.

I don't do social media and I have stopped socialising.

No kids at school and I currently mostly occupy the house by myself.

It’s risible to say there is no chilling effect - do those who say this not see the angry demos/denuniciations/job losses?

They would only see them through the lens of their own social circle and their preferred media outlets, so it might be "transphobic teacher ousted - a great day for trans rights" as opposed to "someone just got hounded out of their career for stating that human beings can't change sex".

Because this is a religious-type divide, gender ideologists aren't seeing gender critical people as innocent people who are getting silenced but as the bigots who should be silenced. Anyone who refuses to accept gender ideology (which they believe to be indisputable fact) as indisputable fact is unreasonable in their eyes and therefore not entitled to fair or reasonable treatment.

No gender ideologue is going to feel any sympathy towards anyone disagreeing that gender ideology is the truth as they believe it is a fact and that gender critical people are the ones denying "the truth". So they don't view the silencing as being inflicted on any "reasonable" people, as anyone who disagrees with gender ideology is unreasonable by definition in their eyes and deserving of any silencing they experience.

Thus gender ideologues believe that no reasonable person is being silenced.

It’s risible to say there is no chilling effect - do those who say this not see the angry demos/denuniciations/job losses? Of course they do. They have an effect and are designed to - to bully and coerce women into silence. I’m open with my family, but careful how I express myself with my teens as they are fairly liberal minded and school is very “Be Kind”. I’m not open with my views at work, partly because of it causing trouble (I think it would) and partly because we have a TW working there and I would be concerned about upsetting them. They are not at all militant and just want to live their life as far as I can see, which is fair enough. Otoh I was part of pushback against unisex loos. If it was necessary I would speak my mind, but so far it hasn’t been luckily. I’m not aware of any issues at school, but of course I don’t know what they are teaching. I absolutely would take the school on if I thought they were teaching something dangerous.

One day when I don’t need my job I’ll speak openly

I realise it is relatively more easy for me as I am retired and that makes me aware that I need to speak out so that others who are intimidated know there is support out there.

I do speak out. I refuse to collude in a lie. I don't care if I am called a transphobe or a bigot. The problem is that we cannot rely only on people who have either nothing to lose or don't care what we do lose. And I have lost friends, but it's a sacrifice I have consciously made to uphold reality.

If everyone is too timid to uphold reality we might as well give up now. The tide is turning - sport has probably done more than anything - to display the nonsense that is gender identity. But we need to show more courage.

We need to be more Riley Gaines.

I can’t tell you had sad it makes me that I am not brave enough to talk about it. But it would threaten so many aspects of my life. So I sit on it, I read, not just MN but the sources the fabulous posters reference. I watch and I listen to podcasts, clips, etc.

I also do minor things that cheer me up. For example I now have a few dinosaur nicknacks - no one but me knows why. I have a little pin that says ‘witches walk among us’ above my screen in my office. These minor things make me feel less alone.

I do not openly talk about this issue at work. I work in a very ‘captured’ profession and am constantly dodging training on the issue.

My family know my position. My kids know what sex is and what gender is. They are fed up with ‘trans’ peers demanding so much from others - for example constant name changes and have concluded themselves that they are troubled kids. My DH finds it all ludicrous and sees the damage to women - for example our DD plays sport so this is a real issue for us.

Social media- absolutely not ‘open’ I would lose friends immediately. I stick to posts about wildlife and rescue dogs. I came off Twitter due to the mind fuck it was creating.

I am very very very wary who I talk to. What pisses me off the most is the thrown away comments made by some friends when I KNOW thanks to MN I have read so much more than them. Talking of which…of to read more or Material Girls

@zebracat unfortunately I think in 20 years time the trans who went through hormone therapy and /or surgery will be the "me too" brigade of the next generation..

The difficulty is in researching/gathering evidence of absence, I think.

That's the problem with the nature of the topic - the people who are actually being silenced (and I consider myself to be in that category) are necessarily unable to stand up and be counted because that's the nature of being silenced.

The problem is the conflation by transactivists of people who are being stifled, like Kathleen Stock and Maya and JKR, and the probably thousands or more of women who are actually being silenced and who rely on the stifled voices who are brave enough and sufficiently resourced (or who have nothing left to lose) to continue speaking out on our behalf.

That's why it's so frustrating when the people who do speak out talk about the 'chilling effect' get dismissed as talking nonsense for the fact they are speaking about the fact that people are unable to speak.

It's obviously in transactivists' interests to assume that the only people who have a problem with gender ideology are the ones who are speaking out, because that's how the nature of bullying everyone into silence works. They make an example of the people who do speak out to keep everyone else silent, and then it's easy for them to claim that the majority of society agrees with them, when the truth is that they're simply not disagreeing because they understand the personal cost of doing so.

As horrible as it is for them, I think it's actually a good thing in a way for people like Hilary Cass and Baroness Falkner to experience what the rest of the women in the UK have been experiencing over the past few years, as it helps them to understand it. Thank heaven we live in a society where women can now head up organisations and inquiries, as we'd be even more screwed if it were still just men running the show!

I feel your "mouth open, insert both feet" pain. I don't post anything on social media, despite being a lifelong feminist, because I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing and losing my job. To add context, I don't really discuss politics on my Facebook as most of my friends and neighbours vote differently but I have never worried I would be sacked for supporting Labour.

Bloody hell. Reading all these makes me realise how privileged I am to be able to speak freely.

It also makes me realise that my inability to keep my gob shut in real life would probably have got me in serious shit in work. On a site level it wouldn't have been a problem. But when dealing with outside companies and agencies I'd have absolutely said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

What is obvious reading these is the very palpable fear of being outed, sacked, shunned, targeted just for having a different point of view (and the correct one at that)

It's truly horrifying how much women have been shut down.

I am a conflict avoider (who admires agitators with the ovaries to challenge) and I have been too afraid to question a document affecting my work which I know because of MN misrepresents the law and threatens single sex spaces. I didn't speak up about my concerns about a group for age 8+. I don't discuss with family.

I switch radio stations when any trans or gender critical discussions come on if my dc is listening and mostly avoid the topic.

I notice that the 'Gender Debate' topic on The Discord channel for 'The Rest is Politics' (ethos disagree agreeably, middle ground politics, you have to pay to subscribe) has had surprisingly few gender critical contributions - and even more curiously nothing at all for the past two weeks when Stock has been front and centre in the media - and suspect they have been mostly effectively silenced by the be kind, don't debate trans people's existence, this topic is a cesspit type comments on the thread (or now it's so quiet, congratulations on not making this topic a cesspit). I was looking forward to agreeable disagreement but I would be too stressed and anxious to post on there even anonymously even though I think what I have to offer is balanced, respectful and informed (evolution makes us dread being disavowed from the group).

On the flip side I have asked intelligent questions from the early days in my workplace, I have I think sometimes made people think. I have supported trans young people without reference to being critical of gender ideology or adopting affirmative care - I have given them space to think about what they think, what they want and what they need. I have encouraged parents that they are not bigots for worrying about what to do in their child's best interests. I have questioned GIDS about their practices and signposting when relevant. I have discussed the sport issue with my dc before they aligned with the mainstream views of their peers. I have differentiated sex and gender in my discussions with dc. I have spoken up to support and reassure colleagues in clinical settings who have voiced their care and concern for patients while worrying that their approach will be seen as bigoted and wrong (and note no one else has an issue with this, but few speak up).

And I'm very quiet on social media (except on here )

I can't possibly raise it at work, I work for a very captured public sector department. However, I'm finding some others at work and we're building a network.

My DH is a scientist and is aghast at this idea being promoted that people can change sex. He now notices all the times that trans is shoehorned into everything.

I haven't spoken to my friends about it much. I have several completely rainbow-washed lesbian friends who are very active in the LGBT scene, so I fear they might well fall out with me if they knew my views. Which is odd, as one of them in particular is a self-described gold-star lesbian and really doesn't like men at all.

Are you comfortable to talk about gender/sex openly?
Not really. Ironically my husband told me I was too angry about it and it was ruining our evenings because I was so cross about it. My oldest adult child agrees with me (I'm GC or "sane" as I like to think of it) and calls people out who call JKR transphobic. Younger adult child has drunk the kool aid.

Would you raise it at work? NFW! Although I did quietly discuss it with a Head of HR but it was as I was leaving my role. She agreed with me.

Would you/do you raise it with your child's school? Hmm, no kids at school now but probably would tbh.

At home? As above
On social media? To an extent. I have GC friends on SM and agree with them and like their posts. But bet loads of my friends are on the other side. I have been defriended by some. They can fuck off frankly.

Are women able to speak about these issues? No! There is a chilling effect on free speech. Thank goodness for Janice Turner, Kathleen Stock, Posie Parker, JKR, Maya Forstater and all the others who speak out.

Have you done so and experienced consequences? AS above.

I only talk about it with immediate family.

My children are grown but most are GC. 1 has several NB friends including some that consider transition M2F. They carefully encourage people to accept themselves as they are and wear/present as they wish whilst maintaining the reality of sex,

I genuinely believe I would lose my job if raised at work. Public sector and completely captured.

I don't follow most GC people publicly as think that may find its way back to work

This is the only place I have dared post about being gender atheist.

I do feel that the UK media is turning a tide and starting to support women occasionally. I think sport is landing more effectively with men as they seem to understand the issues of fairness in sport better than the safeguarding and fear that women raise.

Are you comfortable to talk about gender/sex openly?
Only to trusted friends. I have one in particular that I talk to almost daily about it and we share articles and news stories.

Would you raise it at work?
No definitely not, my company is completely captured by gender ideology. I fear there would be repercussions for speaking out.

Would you/do you raise it with your child's school?
Perhaps - depending on what the issue was.

At home?
Yes - a lot. My OH and my teenagers are very pro women's rights.

On social media?
Only here. As it's the only place I feel safe enough to express my views. I don't even follow anyone with GC views on social media in case others

Rightly or wrongly, I feel (hope) that the tide is turning a little.

I have a TW and TM in my family. Expressing any GC views would be seen as an attack on them whereas, in fact, I feel nothing but compassion for them - I believe both are transitioning as a response to childhood trauma.

I work in the NHS, which is totally captured. I know some of my colleagues are sceptical about transitioning children, and, following the Tavi scandal, it is possible to discuss this cautiously, as regards patient welfare, but my career would be at risk if I were openly GC.

Am I comfortable talking about gender/sex openly ? Yes, in my day to day life.
Would you raise it at work ? Hmm well, I am not working at the moment, and when I do (creative field) I probably wouldn’t raise it but I would be honest about my views if it came up.
Would you raise it at your children’s school ? Yes, if there was an issue. It definitely would make me even less popular with the HT though.
At home ? Yes, big topic of conversation. Thankfully DH agrees with me, and so to my relief do my teenage daughters (16, 18). I don’t often bring it up in front of their friends though, one of my dds was horribly bullied for her views and is at uni now and afraid of losing friends, so she never talks about it anywhere aside from at home with me.
On social media ? This is where I am much more careful (cowardly?) . I follow multiple GC people on both Instagram and Twitter, I like posts, but I don’t post myself or repost/retweet any more. I was put on a blacklist years ago by a trans activist and that scared me as my home is ridiculously easy to find. With teenagers at home, I worried about the impact on them , and our personal safely. It did panic me at the time, I lost sleep over it and felt more vulnerable and so I stopped being vocal on Twitter.
I do feel it has had an impact on my life. The bullying was devastating for my daughter. I worry about her feeling that she has to hide her views now, and also I worry about using previously single sex spaces and in particular my daughters using them.

Very much so, whole families torn apart, and so many young people hurt by it. I am very pleased that more people are now being trans just by saying so. Finding a way not to weep when my girl tells me about her friends’ surgeries, hormones etc has been really hard. I hope they don’t regret it all one day, but I think they will. But then, I used to think that about tattoos, and there seems less regret about those than I would have expected, so maybe losing your sexual organs is ok. I feel so hurt when TRAs say that “terfs” don’t really care about women and children. It is everything for me. I really don’t mind how people present, I appreciate differences.

I’m getting braver with other parents - just this week I’ve been very outspoken with parent friends of 10+years about my views - both very “be kind” lovely types, but exactly those who perhaps haven’t looked beyond the rainbow flags to see the red ones. It was a civilised discussion and we all came away still friends!

I had a second discussion with another parent yesterday and was surprised by how staunch her GC views were despite us never discussing it before. Interestingly though we both have DDs questioning their sexuality and I think we both see how easily they could be led down a certain path.

At home I don’t bring the subject up with DCs but if it does come up, even tangentially, I’ll try to reinforce that sex is immutable, and gender ideology steeped in stereotypes which we’ve always encouraged them to ignore. Treading a fine line as DD’s friends are all obsessed over identity but also very young so hopefully a passing fad. Don’t want to give it too much allure as a potentially source of teenage rebellion!

At work I approach with caution (public sector) and just tend to try to drop in a “well, there’s more than one view about that” type comments without making a commitment either way unless I get a sense someone is open to the conversation and won’t land me in a HR meeting.

Social media not at all. DH seems to be able to post GC things without fear of recrimination (though it keeps me up at night!) but I’m not there yet. I will chip in with comments on other people’s posts occasionally but again, nothing that could get me in hot water at work.

Wanted to add, all my friends are GC, but most like me, can’t say it out loud, because of work or family. The situation with our youngest child was complex with lots of agencies involved. I got the impression that the professionals were as unconvinced as me by the trans declaration and pretty determined to do watchful waiting, but it was never said aloud. We all nodded and were respectful. Everyone is so scared they will be denounced.