Part One, below, is a Q&A with a Canadian whose child is due in April. I spoke to her last night.
Your baby will be born soon.
End of April.
When you first did the embryo transfer, and were thinking about the birth, what did you envision?
Our surrogate was going to give birth in Kyiv. There's a maternity hospital there. We would fly in about two weeks prior and be, if not present, present shortly thereafter. And then we'd go through the process of bringing him home.
And as things started to heat up in the last couple of weeks, how did the plan evolve?
So she is in Lviv now. I think there were two concerns. Number one was that she was going to a place that had good medical care. But also a place that was considered to be safe in terms of what we were hearing about possible invasion.
How much input did you have into the decision to move her? And did you talk to her about it?
We talk almost daily, via text. And yes, we were very involved in the decision to have her moved. But our agency was one of the very first ones that moved anybody. At the time, it was sort of thought that they're just being very cautious. But ultimately we did have a say. And she was also, of course, consulted. I mean, it's her body and her person, and she should be consulted on all decisions, and be okay with them.
And how did she feel about the idea of moving?
To be honest, she wasn't very happy about it. I think a lot of Ukrainians at the time were not convinced that this was a real threat. And, you know, she's got family, and I think there was a concern about her going to Lviv. In her particular case, it puts her even farther away from her family. It wasn't that she was saying no, it was just that she needed to understand why the move was taking place.
Did she end up bringing her family with her?
I don't know if she doesn't want them to come or if they physically can't come — it was lost in translation. We obviously said if she wants them to be with her, we would cover all costs related with that, and support her in whatever way needed.
And now there has been an invasion. What is the plan now?
I don't think that there is a plan. I think there are a number of different plans. It literally, I think, will be a day-by-day thing.
So sometime towards the end of April you're going over.
We're going somewhere. I don't know where that will be. I think there's a number of different options. Poland is one. Moldova is another. It'll be dependent on where she gives birth, first of all, and then, what the process is to get into the country and bring our son home.
Is there any discussion right now of taking your surrogate outside of the country?
Yes, but that's still under review right now. It's going to depend on her safety ultimately, and also what she's comfortable with. I mean, you have to have a certain level of trust in your surrogate to be able to make the right decision for herself and for our son. And in our particular case, I do trust her.
How was she today [Thursday, 24 Feb]?
She was calm, actually. She's trying to not watch the news. She reiterated that it's her responsibility to take care of our son and keep him safe. That's what she's trying to focus on. As well as, you know, interacting with her family and making sure that they're safe.
Was today worse than previous days? Or has it been bad the whole time?
Today was worse. This is the only bad day I've had, if I'm being honest. A lot of people did not think that this was actually a possibility, especially to this extent. And so definitely today was by far the worst day.
It's frightening. As humans, we'd like certainty. With the IVF process, for anybody that's been through it, the one thing you don't have is certainty. And so the anxiety is familiar, but it's coming from a place that you don't expect.
What do you want people to know about international surrogacy, and about surrogacy in Ukraine in particular?
To get to the spot where you need to use surrogacy — that in itself means that you've been through a lot. This is not anybody's first choice. In our case, this has been four years and many miscarriages and finding out ultimately that I couldn't carry.
We looked at surrogacy in Canada, we looked at surrogacy in the US. And to be honest, we didn't have good experiences. International surrogacy has given us the possibility to have a family, which is something that at one point I didn't think we would be able to have.
In Ukraine, I think because of the culture and the people, I think there's a level of commitment to making sure that the surrogates are taken care of. I can't speak for anybody else, I don't know what anyone else's experiences are like, but there's a huge focus on my surrogate's health, and how she feels about treatments. And we did not get that level of care in North America. And I wish that people knew that, you know, it's not just a baby making machine, this is a place that offers people hope that don't have it.
The reality is she will be a member of our family for the rest of our lives. Our son will know who she is, and hopefully, will get to meet her when he's older.