Where is Matt Lucas?

Haha, not at all 😊….I am just finding you a wee bit monopolising/ judgemental with your views.

End of conversation for me. Enjoy the remainder of your day.

No. Many abusers are charming, funny and appear to be decent human beings. It can be very hard to see past it. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Truth hurts huh?

How patronising !!! I will not be reflecting on anything that you have said.

I was 14 when I found RB funny and charming, I’d say my conscience is pretty clear there. I also don’t think finding someone funny decades before they’re convicted of a heinous act makes you a bad person.

Why shouldn’t women go to mens houses to have sex? Why shouldn’t women have freedom to have sex with strangers?

You are locating the onus for change in victims. Women mostly.

This has been the case for years. We are told to guard our drinks. Don’t dress provocatively. Stay in pairs. Don’t walk home alone. Carry a rape alarm.

There is an assumption that men are dangerous, that’s accepted, it’s on women to protect themselves. It’s time for change. It’s time to switch the onus onto men.

Men need calling out. Need shaming. Shunning. And the non predatory men who stay silent need to step up and speak out.

And what you are voicing IS internalised misogyny. Sorry. But it is. Take the feedback you have had and reflect.

Absolutely.

No. Not ‘bad and wickedly selfish’. Illegal. Predatory.

Going to someone’s house alone, to have sex, is not putting yourself at someone’s mercy. There should be an assumption that any sexual activity will only take place in the context of enthusiastic consent. Women should feel safe anywhere. MEN should learn to self regulate.

Just a victim blamer then?

I think there is a debate to be had about how to strike a balance between teaching males to get enthusiastic consent instead of raping and to teach girls how to prioritise their well-being.

But the time for that debate isn’t when a woman has been brutally, anally raped by a man and then sent a letter from his lawyers forbidding her to talk to other medical professionals about the rape.

How about instead of putting the onus on women to protect themselves by not trusting anyone, ever, that instead men don't rape us?

You are suggesting the victim made a mistake and could have avoided it. You are forgetting these predators are manipulative and experts at creating trust.

We are talking about the 21 year old woman who was anally raped by Brand.
we are NOT talking about married couples who obviously have ‘Romantic notions’ about their husbands.

This young woman went to Brand’s house by herself and willingly had vaginal sex with him.

She was not a sex worker - so, probably, had Romantic ideas about him.

Any person who goes to a male stranger’s home to have sex with them…..IS putting themselves at risk.

it is not ‘ Victim blaming ‘ to warn every young woman to avoid such a situation.

I can’t see where I have insulted you. I disagree with you.
Post divorce I had a truly fantastic time enjoying my freedom and sexuality (having spent almost 2 decades with the ex) and occasionally I had sex on the first date. I take it you would say I had put myself in danger?

All I have said, is about the Brand case. It is very dangerous to have sex with strangers. We are not talking about husbands or partners.
it WAS rape. She agreed to have vaginal sex with a stranger- but not anal sex.
I am saying that it should be advocated that women should not put themselves in danger by going to strangers houses fo vaginal sex. That is all !! Insult me if you will.

It has nothing to do with Matt Lucas.

You just keep repeating your angle of her "putting herself in harm's way".

How do you expect women who are married to their rapists avoid "putting themselves in harm's way" with their "romantic ideas" about marriage.

It doesn't matter how many times you restate it, you are blaming the victims.

It has been said many times to you on this thread but this is the definition of victim blaming.

While I get where you're coming from and would like it all to go away (my life is coming to an end and I'd rather remember nice stuff), you have to remember that this affected real people and will continue to affect real people until it is made impossible for the perpetrators to continue.

He removed the condom, and ignored her cries of pain, and then made her clean up the blood-, semen-, and shit-smeared sheets afterwards. But aside from that he was a perfect gentleman.

If you say so !!

YOU and ‘loads of people’ know me well, don’t you, mate ?

Did I say she made herself ‘available for anal sex’? I didn’t ….and neither did she !!

She made herself available for vaginal sex. He forced the anal sex on her, because HE thought she WAS available ,

Bad and wickedly selfish move on his part.

No victim shaming at all, except the fact that she agreed to go alone to his house and thereby put herself at his mercy.

I think theaters and sets should have done much better at stopping his behavior but can see it's a hard environment to completely control - though again stamping down on inappropriate behavior should happen.

Book signings and publisher meetings seem eaiser - but then the reasons shifts to it's not often so doesn't matter.

It's endless list of reasons why they do not get told no and consquences do not happen till years later when they stop making as much money.

AS PP says it's not the only industry it happens in but strong management who do not turn blind eyes and offer endless excuses and polices that allow reporting to be taken serioulsy do help stop it spreading as accepted practice.

If I meet my partner in a hotel room knowing I am having sex I am making myself ‘available’ for that, and I am doing that willingly. Does that mean he has the right to use my body in every way? Because I made myself ‘available’ for vaginal sex? No. It doesn’t. If he attempts to take it beyond that - and I say no - he is raping me. End of.
You are victim blaming.