To actually feel a bit sorry for men who grew up in the 90s/00s?

No.
Rape and sexual abuse has always been wrong and, as you say, the decent men worked that out pretty quickly.

I was a teenager in the 90s, in my 20s in the 00s. Haven’t dated anyone new since then and I always feel quite lucky compared to what women dating now face.

I had a Loaded-reading boyfriend in the late 90s, who most certainly understood consent and ‘how to be a man’. I think for a lot of people there was a real naïveté around the sleazy culture aspect more than anything else. We’re wiser to it after years of revelations and more people accept Nuts-type humour isn’t innocuous, but at the time plenty of people found that type of thing funny even if they were perfectly decent. For those who didn’t find it amusing in the 90s and 00s, it was simply uncool to make a fuss about those things. I remember how thrilled I was when I started seeing younger women make a fuss!

But the manosphere backlash is an openly brutal misogyny of a type I didn’t experience back then.

This basically. I grew up in this era and had to deal with naked women’s bodies on magazine covers and in mass produced newspapers like it was normal. Additionally, the constant pressure women seemed to be (and still are really) subjected to in relation to their weight. We’re always told to strive to have bodies which simply aren’t natural without either an eating disorder or plastic surgery, or both.

Let’s also not forget the hideous TV shows in the 00s all based around weight and body image. Snog, Marry, Avoid? For example.

I think it was a confusing time for everyone. I think a lot of women who very much know they were exploited or abused back then were made to see what they were doing as liberal and cool. They did consent, but on incredibly shaky ground: for the wrong reasons or under the influence of drugs or alcohol that wasnt always in their control. Sometimes with extreme power differences from the outset.

They didn't want to see it that way, though and thought anyone who brought it up was somehow slut shaming them rather than querying if their choices are making them happy. They were young women being imperfectly counselled by either their imperfect peers who weren't making much better choices themselves.

It's now, when the trauma from that time has caught up to them or they just mature, they can look back honestly and say those times left them with more harm than good. They weren't in control at all.

No. My DH is nearly 50 and I met him at 29. He and his mates were never part of “laddish” culture. I’m not going to feel sorry for men who indulged in that behaviour or were complicit as it was possible to not be a misogynist and/or predator.

they weren't encouraged to believe that consent should be unequivocally sought and given

They absolutely were. “No means no” was still very much a thing. Yes, attitudes generally were different, but rape was definitely not socially acceptable.

As a women you couldn't point out that they were misogynistic and horrible, because you'd just be accused of not having a sense of humour.

You bloody well could call it out and many did.

No, I don’t feel sorry for them. I think decent people and users/abusers have always existed, and the latter use any available discourses to facilitate their behaviour.

Me, my DP and our male friends were all born in the 80s. They have managed to avoid being rapists, abusers, or carry out any assault. They all think men like Brand etc are disgusting, embarrassing slimeballs.

The older I get, the more I think it’s not really a generational thing: it’s whether you’re a decent human being or not, independent of when you were born.

That may be true now, but the patriarchy has existed for thousands of years and I'm guessing wouldn't have done so had it not been hugely successful for those with the power - men!!!!!

If we say magazines influences lad culture, will this mean future incel behaviour will be excused due to the influence of the manosphere?

At some point, men have to take responsibility for their own attitudes and behaviour.

I was late teens early 20s in the 1990s and the whole lads mags thing was repulsive to a big section of people that age then, as was the ladette culture. I find it bizarre to see people writing about this as if we were all buying into it. In the same way I’m sure in 30 years time people will be saying oooh in the 2020s all women had Botox and filler and everyone thought Only Fans was great because if you read certain magazines it looks like it’s the truth. No one in my circle thought Chris Evans’s marrying Billie Piper was ok and no one thought Jonathan Ross marrying his wife was Ok. We didn’t all think rape and sexual assault was acceptable because women had their tits out in Zoo magazine and Zoe Ball walked down the street pissed when she should have been at work. Amazingly 30 years ago there was as much diversity of thought as there is now, we just didn’t have the internet to record it.

I think you don't understand the issue if you think you can reliably swear a man has never violated the sexual consent of other women.

I can really, really, hope ny husband has. I can use the fact that nobody has accused him over these last decades I've known him. But understanding consent, I can't swear blind that nobody else feels my husband has never acted unethically during an intimate moment between them.

And definitely not for our male friends.

What I find particularly difficult to square is the women who went along to on-stage acts knowing and enjoying this type of "comedy". They contributed to this culture, many of them were dismissive of those who said openly they found this "comedy" distasteful and vulgar.

There was also More! Magazine. Made for women by the same people who were behind Nuts. My older cousin was a writer for them. It had position of the fortnight and loads of stuff related to women and casual sex.

BS. I started going out with my husband in 1997 when he was 19 and he never, ever had an issue around consent or made any off colour references towards me or about any other women. He had female friends too and he treated them respectfully and as equals.

I think that's because they thought being okay with it made them "cool" and then eventually, they really adopted that point of view.

No because I am 40 and met my husband at 21 right in that era. I know my husband and his friends all rejected that and got actual normal interests - football, music, travel. They had rich lives that didn’t hinge on bewbs. Of course they dated etc but there was never an inkling of treating women like shit.

No because if you’re a nice person you’d just look at it and say “ugh”

Where you might have a point is that the culture of speaking up has developed so much more, so there might be a lot of men who would be more vocal in the changing room etc now.

'Whatever their characters, they weren't encouraged to believe that consent should be unequivocally sought and given.'

Who are these men? I don't know any! Seems like a sweeping statement.

'I can remember as a teenager really having no clue about what my 'rights' were as a woman around consent, etc - absolutely nobody ever spelled it out to me, or to the girls and boys around me.'

Not your parents? I was taught from a very young age about this.

I didn't imply that powerless teenage girls were enabling this culture by not 'calling out' the misogyny and horrible humour."

You wrote "As a women you couldn't point out that they were misogynistic and horrible, because you'd just be accused of not having a sense of humour."

And I said it was possible and that I did it and saw others do so too. If they said I had no sense of humour then fuck them. I stood my ground, not all the time, but often.

That doesn't mean everyone could or did.
Neither does it mean enabling occurred. The blame lies 100% with the arsehole men. Did then. Does now.

Well no, of course I can’t. But I know plenty of men who grew up in the specified time period who are perfectly decent men, who aren’t confused about consent because of “the times”.

I think there are perfectly decent men of every generation, so I’m just not as sympathetic to the idea of “different times” as an excuse as I used to be.