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Original poster

Child Benefit - ex has put a rival claim

24 replies

Trustmeits · 09/11/2026 14:43

Posting here for traffic as I am quite worried.

I have been claiming child benefit since both my children were born (11 and 12).

Ex husband and I divorced 3 years ago and I have had child benefit since. It was agreed in an email during financial negotiations but was never written into the final order.

My ex has now put a counter claim in for one child who lives 50/50.

He is a high earner so will have to pay all of it back. He has sent an email to me and my solicitor to say he "doesn't want child benefit and will send anything left back to me" but he wants other child added as a relevant child on CMS to reduce payment for the child who lives with me 100% of the time.

He has set it up so he is primary contact at school, he has the address at the doctor's.

I'm really worried as I will lose a big chuck of universal credit and free school meals. I do work full time but I am going to struggle and be around £400 a month worse off for him to just prove a point.

Anyone been through anything similar - is there anything I can do.

OP posts:
Marinatedcabbage · 09/11/2026 14:45

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Skippythemagnificent · 09/11/2026 14:45

Why don’t you just tell him the impact it will have on you and suggest that you mutually agree to reduce the child maintenance in line with what he would pay if he got the discount?

Marinatedcabbage · 09/11/2026 14:46

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Lastofthesummerwines · 09/11/2026 14:47

Why are these men so bloody selfish. Its the kids that will suffer. But they only care about point scoring with their ex partner. I have seen other posters having this same issue , maybe do a search for their posts to see what was suggested to them. Good luck ! Your poor kids being used as pawns by him.

BudgetBuster · 09/11/2026 14:48

Can you not just check what the CMS reduction is and offer to send the difference back?

TheMessyMermaid · 09/11/2026 14:55

Why is he only seeing one child and not the other?
Also if it's so important then why was it left out of the financial final order. That seems like a massive over sight.
What's stopping you changing the school address and Drs address back to yours?
Also if he is a high earner and has one child 50/50 why isn't he stepping up and paying for school meals?

SallyS6 · 09/11/2026 15:18

Sorry to hear this, from my experience during the child arrangement order through family court, they don't like to discuss let alone set out financial arrangements, I really had to push for this. I agree with another post about sharing the financial implications with your ex but if he's bitter then they won't care, it's sometimes just pointless scoring and I'm sorry this is happening. If you can try to speak with legal advisor or citizens advice as they know a lot about benefits.

AIBunfair · 09/11/2026 15:26

How much is he set to gain vs how much are you set to lose? Meet him in the middle?

If he has 50/50 he should be paying for half of that child’s lunches anyway.

Original poster
Trustmeits · 09/11/2026 17:37

Child 1 refuses to see him. Child 2 does see him 50/50.

I have an email from him to my solicitor saying "I don't want the child benefit and will send it back to trustmeits. But as I am a high earner there will be almost nothing left". Will this help as evidence. The email says is doing this to change CMS calculation.

He pays maintenance for child 1. I left child 2 off the CMS claim as he does 50/50. He wants child 2 added as a relevant child in CMS to reduce his payments for child 1.

I thought about messaging him but him knowing its going to have a big impact on me is likely to make him happy!

OP posts:
AIBunfair · 09/11/2026 17:40

So use the online calculator to work out how much less he’d need to pay if Child 2 is listed as a relevant child, and offer him that reduction. It’ll almost certainly be less than you’ll lose in benefits.

Boreded · 09/11/2026 17:43

Do the CMS claim properly for a start. Add them both and put in the time with both. I don’t know why you would leave one off that is bizarre

Skippythemagnificent · 09/11/2026 17:45

Trustmeits · 09/11/2026 17:37

Child 1 refuses to see him. Child 2 does see him 50/50.

I have an email from him to my solicitor saying "I don't want the child benefit and will send it back to trustmeits. But as I am a high earner there will be almost nothing left". Will this help as evidence. The email says is doing this to change CMS calculation.

He pays maintenance for child 1. I left child 2 off the CMS claim as he does 50/50. He wants child 2 added as a relevant child in CMS to reduce his payments for child 1.

I thought about messaging him but him knowing its going to have a big impact on me is likely to make him happy!

Well, you’re going to have to. He will likely win his child benefit case - it absolutely does not matter that he is a high earner and will have to repay the money, nor does it matter that he is doing this to reduce the CMS as that is a totally legal and fair thing to do. Please listen. There was a woman here a while ago who simply would not listen when told this, same situation, and she wouldn’t speak to him or be reasonable and she has ended up losing a lot. And continued to post about how unfair it was and how she cousins believe it but her all told her. He will win. If it is true 50/50 for that kid; and you have two kids, they will award him the child benefit for one child.

You’re going to have to talk to him. Do the CMS calculator with him having one child in his care, and offer that.

Original poster
Trustmeits · 09/11/2026 17:45

Boreded · 09/11/2026 17:43

Do the CMS claim properly for a start. Add them both and put in the time with both. I don’t know why you would leave one off that is bizarre

I did add them both in as qualifying children but he wants my 2nd added as a relevant child. He has apparently been told by CMS to apply for the child benefit

OP posts:
Skippythemagnificent · 09/11/2026 17:47

Boreded · 09/11/2026 17:43

Do the CMS claim properly for a start. Add them both and put in the time with both. I don’t know why you would leave one off that is bizarre

That’s just going to make the whole situation worse. They are 50/50 for one child so she shouldn’t claim maintenance. If she tries to, he can fight it and will most likely win. And all she will have done is made the relationship even worse and he’ll never give the child benefit back.

She needs to do what she can to keep her benefits. Which means capitulating to him on the discount on CMS for the one child she claims for. And hoping be ends his child benefit claim.

Skippythemagnificent · 09/11/2026 17:47

Trustmeits · 09/11/2026 17:45

I did add them both in as qualifying children but he wants my 2nd added as a relevant child. He has apparently been told by CMS to apply for the child benefit

Show quote history

Yes, and he will get it. So you need to do what you can to maintain your UC claim by agreeing to the discount on CMS if he cancels that claim.

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 09/11/2026 17:48

No advice, but congratulations on being divorced from this utter failure of a man.

AIBunfair · 09/11/2026 18:00

Trustmeits · 09/11/2026 17:45

I did add them both in as qualifying children but he wants my 2nd added as a relevant child. He has apparently been told by CMS to apply for the child benefit

Show quote history

You have two options:

  1. Lose
  2. Work out what he’d gain by using the CMS calculator, and offer him that or more to drop the claim

You don’t have anything to lose by trying 2.

Boreded · 09/11/2026 18:12

Skippythemagnificent · 09/11/2026 17:47

That’s just going to make the whole situation worse. They are 50/50 for one child so she shouldn’t claim maintenance. If she tries to, he can fight it and will most likely win. And all she will have done is made the relationship even worse and he’ll never give the child benefit back.

She needs to do what she can to keep her benefits. Which means capitulating to him on the discount on CMS for the one child she claims for. And hoping be ends his child benefit claim.

Show quote history

Just as a FYI the government explicitly confirmed in June 2026 that even a court-ordered 50/50 arrangement does not automatically remove maintenance liability.

ByKindOpalPoet · 09/11/2026 18:14

OP read this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5340011-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads-part-2 (first one is linked in first post) while slightly different in terms of how much the other parent was doing, it is similar in terms of child benefit and CMS

there is also this one https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5506932-ex-disputing-cms-and-making-rival-child-benefit-claim-in-5050-care?page=5&reply=151244972

read them both, in full and look at the advice they were both given. both ignored the advice about him winning. in both cases the dad won and got the child benefit. you would be much better off discussing it with him. otherwise you'll end up worse off

AIBunfair · 09/11/2026 18:45

Boreded · 09/11/2026 18:12

Just as a FYI the government explicitly confirmed in June 2026 that even a court-ordered 50/50 arrangement does not automatically remove maintenance liability.

Show quote history

Source?

Boreded · 09/11/2026 18:59

AIBunfair · 09/11/2026 18:45

Source?

Show quote history

https://questions-statements.parliament.uk/written-questions/detail/2026-06-08/7625

DoLallyTapMum · 09/11/2026 19:43

You don’t lose your UC because he has the child benefit, you explain they live with you still and nothing will change.

MJagain · 09/11/2026 20:20

ByKindOpalPoet · 09/11/2026 18:14

OP read this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5340011-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads-part-2 (first one is linked in first post) while slightly different in terms of how much the other parent was doing, it is similar in terms of child benefit and CMS

there is also this one https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5506932-ex-disputing-cms-and-making-rival-child-benefit-claim-in-5050-care?page=5&reply=151244972

read them both, in full and look at the advice they were both given. both ignored the advice about him winning. in both cases the dad won and got the child benefit. you would be much better off discussing it with him. otherwise you'll end up worse off

Both of these threads are sobering and must read for @Trustmeits

looks like you need to do everything you can to keep the CB. Is he paying maintenance on top of 50:50? If so then challenging the CB is tie first step in the dance to getting out of it. You’d be better letting him reduce / remove amicably

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2026 20:51

You should claim for child 2 5050 quickly. He shouldn’t have changed doctor etc without your consent

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