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AIBU?

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New driver, stressful incident

92 replies

SilentAmberWasp · 09/11/2026 08:34

I passed fairly recently and I get tailgated often. I am doing 20 on 20 roads, 29-30 on 30 roads, going by my sat nav speed which appears more accurate than my car speedometer.

On Saturday I was driving down a B road which was National Speed limit, barely wide enough for 2 cars, it was about 3 miles long, hills and very bumpy. A young girl tailgated me almost the entire way, I was going over 50mph at some points so it's not like I was doing 20 or 30 on a nsl road.
People are going to say I should've pulled over, but she was so close to me I was quite scared to slow or stop as I felt she'd have gone into the back of me.
The road was so bumpy my sat nav fell off its mount, anyway about 2.5 miles in she overtook me, and I'm ashamed to say I gave her the finger. I don't know if she saw, but i was stressed.
I'm used to getting tailgated and I either just keep to my speed or let them pass where possible, but this was frightening.
I've read you can be fined for this, I lost my temper in the moment and I'm scared I'll be reported now. Any advice?

OP posts:
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Netcurtainnelly · 12/11/2026 11:07

SilentAmberWasp · 09/11/2026 08:34

I passed fairly recently and I get tailgated often. I am doing 20 on 20 roads, 29-30 on 30 roads, going by my sat nav speed which appears more accurate than my car speedometer.

On Saturday I was driving down a B road which was National Speed limit, barely wide enough for 2 cars, it was about 3 miles long, hills and very bumpy. A young girl tailgated me almost the entire way, I was going over 50mph at some points so it's not like I was doing 20 or 30 on a nsl road.
People are going to say I should've pulled over, but she was so close to me I was quite scared to slow or stop as I felt she'd have gone into the back of me.
The road was so bumpy my sat nav fell off its mount, anyway about 2.5 miles in she overtook me, and I'm ashamed to say I gave her the finger. I don't know if she saw, but i was stressed.
I'm used to getting tailgated and I either just keep to my speed or let them pass where possible, but this was frightening.
I've read you can be fined for this, I lost my temper in the moment and I'm scared I'll be reported now. Any advice?

Happens to everyone. They are arseholes. It's a shame there aren't cameras everywhere.

Why they are worried about causing a crash god knows? Don't they want to live.

Nolongera · 12/11/2026 09:20

Some terrible advice in this thread, as I said, don't get angry, it solves nothing.

Don't tap your brakes pointlessly. Never sound a horn in anger or gesture in anger. Let it go.

I think some people obsess about how close the person is behind them, I have been driving nearly half a century and the number of times people have hit me from behind is zero.

Don't overthink it.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 11/11/2026 14:12

SilentAmberWasp · 09/11/2026 08:37

Hopefully yes.. I find it easier to deal with on slower roads but this was ridiculous, I was driving over 50mph and she didn't give me any room whatsoever, it felt so dangerous.

If you want to pull over, just indicate left well before you slow down.

Hopefully she will then keep her distance and you can let her overtake.

NimbleTaupeTiger · 11/11/2026 14:09

It's your licence and, therefore, your choice to go at a certain speed at which you feel safe. Don't let anyone pressurise you into going faster than you want. If you want to pull over and let someone pass then indicate well in advance and pull over when they've backed off and it's safe to do so.

As for the finger, isn't that a normal gesture for complete idiots?

ChocHotolate · 11/11/2026 14:06

What makes you think your SatNav speed data is more reliable than your car? How do you know this?

CeeJay81 · 11/11/2026 14:01

Velumental · 11/11/2026 13:54

Work and school pick up usually

The times I often drive are not around those times though, as my work place is nearby.

DeflectionAndWhataboutery · 11/11/2026 13:54

If this sort of thing is a worry for you as a new driver OP I strongly recommend investing in front and rear dashcams.

Velumental · 11/11/2026 13:54

CeeJay81 · 11/11/2026 13:22

I am with you OP. Ive been driving about 18 months and dont get tail gated much but over taken regularly. I just let them get on with it. It is rural where I live and even NSL roads are quite windy, with sharp corners
Doing 60 isnt appropriate very often. I get that they are more experienced but I also know of many accidents too. So they cam wait or find a safe place to overtake. What is the blooming rush!

Work and school pick up usually

CeeJay81 · 11/11/2026 13:22

I am with you OP. Ive been driving about 18 months and dont get tail gated much but over taken regularly. I just let them get on with it. It is rural where I live and even NSL roads are quite windy, with sharp corners
Doing 60 isnt appropriate very often. I get that they are more experienced but I also know of many accidents too. So they cam wait or find a safe place to overtake. What is the blooming rush!

HappyLizard23 · 11/11/2026 13:20

Retro12 · 11/11/2026 11:29

Just brake a few times, they tend to back off!

Edited

Brake checking is illegal :)

MagnoliaParks · 11/11/2026 13:16

Are you sure you’re being tailgated and it isn’t just the car behind you? I never speed (I’d have to report it to work and I don’t want to have to) and frequently do 40-50 on windy national country roads, drive almost every day and have been driving for over 15 years and I can’t think of more than a handful of times that I’ve been aggressively tailgated - and then it’s been on the motorway when I’ve not moved lanes over as fast as the person behind me would like.

Even when cars have then overtaken me they’ve not been aggressively behind me.

Is it possible that just having a car in close proximity behind you is unnerving you even when it’s normal driving? You might have got used to people giving you a lot of space as a learner and you’re no longer getting that so they seem closer?

I’d generally say that if I can see the reg plate of the car behind in my mirror then they’re driving at a reasonable distance behind me.

HappyLizard23 · 11/11/2026 13:08

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🙄

Gonedeaf · 11/11/2026 12:55

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HappyLizard23 · 11/11/2026 12:51

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What a pleasant lady you are. I was a 17 year old who reversed into the wall on my parents driveway.

BirdLandedonmyHead · 11/11/2026 12:41

A country lane being NSL means it hasnt be assessed for a speed limit, not that its suitable to be driven on at 60.

Its not the same as, for example, the A1, which is a properly maintained NSL road. Where the speed limit varies based upon assessed safety (up to 70mph in some places, 30 or 40mph in others)

Gonedeaf · 11/11/2026 12:32

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HappyLizard23 · 11/11/2026 12:28

Gonedeaf · 11/11/2026 12:25

I don't believe a word of this.

Perhaps you could try driving appropriately for the conditions like you're supposed to. That's if you even have a driving licence, which I highly doubt now given your responses.

You don’t know me? I have been driving for over 20 years and have no points or fines. I’ve had 1 crash which happened in the first 2 months of me having a licence. You seriously can’t believe that good drivers exist? We don’t all have your poor standards love

Gonedeaf · 11/11/2026 12:25

HappyLizard23 · 11/11/2026 09:55

I don’t tailgate people, I also don’t get tailgated because I drive at the speed limit

I don't believe a word of this.

Perhaps you could try driving appropriately for the conditions like you're supposed to. That's if you even have a driving licence, which I highly doubt now given your responses.

SideBob · 11/11/2026 11:39

ForRedPoet · 10/11/2026 13:12

There absolutely is something wrong with driving down a 60mph road at 30mph!!!
Doing half the speed down a dual carriageway is ridiculous and a real safety issue. If a driver is not confident enough to be doing those speeds, they shouldn't be on the road.

Yes, we've probably nearly all had a twat on our bumper at one time or another, especially down a country lane, but only ever occasionally.
The OP says this happens to her all the time, not just on dark country roads. This suggests the issue is with her driving at an unrealistic speed.

Go on an advanced driver course, OP, it will help.

Yes! As much as I hate being tailgated by actual aggressive drivers, doing significantly under the speed limit is not safe.

And it also annoys and inconveniences normal drivers, not just the unhinged ones.

If you’re doing 30 on a 60 (unless it’s an actual country road) that’s terrible. You’d fail a driving test for undue progress.

Retro12 · 11/11/2026 11:29

Just brake a few times, they tend to back off!

LynneEast · 11/11/2026 10:52

Plmnki · 09/11/2026 20:47

If you are being tailgated all the time, you might be driving slower than you think. If you’re obviously and clearly holding up people and aren’t comfortable moving along, pull over.

i know people shouldn’t tailgate but I think you’re the problem here, as it’s an ongoing issue. You need to allow for the fact that speedos in cars under read and people who know roads well expect to be able to do 30 in 20:zones (not saying I agree or disagree but this is a thing). So if you’re doing 16 in a 20 zone it will be painful for others.

suggest doing an advanced driving course. Oh and don’t over think things! There is no way on earth anyone would have reported you, bloody hell.

Here it is @ForRedPoet

LynneEast · 11/11/2026 10:52

ForRedPoet · 11/11/2026 10:44

Obviously that is not what @Plmnki is saying.
However, this is the real world. Driving excessively slowly can be just as dangerous as massive speeding.
For example, stuck behind a driver at 16 mph can increase the risk of dangerous overtaking, aggression, stress, lack of focus etc.

I presume from your comment you have never ever exceeded the speed limit then? And presumably never would. Even in an emergency you'd be happy pootling along behind the OP at 16mph!

If the OP is getting tailgated all the time, it suggests she is not going an appropriate speed for the environment
Or are you suggesting that it's just her bad luck to constantly be in front of racing demons?

You may disagree but those were the exact words she said: that is why I put them in bold.

Put a different interpretation on them by all means but that is what she said and I shall put repost her 20.47 post so that you can read it,

Deathspren · 11/11/2026 10:47

If someone drives up your arse, your best course is to try and ignore them, and pull over at the next safest point to let the wanker go past.

You gain nothing by going faster or slower apart from getting stressed

ForRedPoet · 11/11/2026 10:44

LynneEast · 11/11/2026 10:03

Surely, you are not saying that the OP should take an advanced driving test in order to accommodate drivers who,

"know the roads well and expect to do 30 in 20 zones?"

Is it a thing now that we must accommodate those who want to ignore the law and do what suits them? Can we all set our own limit?

Will that also apply if I want to 100mph on a motorway that I know well and find it "painful" if others go just below the speed limit. If not, why not?

Will the police accept this as a reason if I go over the speed limit?

Obviously that is not what @Plmnki is saying.
However, this is the real world. Driving excessively slowly can be just as dangerous as massive speeding.
For example, stuck behind a driver at 16 mph can increase the risk of dangerous overtaking, aggression, stress, lack of focus etc.

I presume from your comment you have never ever exceeded the speed limit then? And presumably never would. Even in an emergency you'd be happy pootling along behind the OP at 16mph!

If the OP is getting tailgated all the time, it suggests she is not going an appropriate speed for the environment
Or are you suggesting that it's just her bad luck to constantly be in front of racing demons?

LynneEast · 11/11/2026 10:03

Plmnki · 09/11/2026 20:47

If you are being tailgated all the time, you might be driving slower than you think. If you’re obviously and clearly holding up people and aren’t comfortable moving along, pull over.

i know people shouldn’t tailgate but I think you’re the problem here, as it’s an ongoing issue. You need to allow for the fact that speedos in cars under read and people who know roads well expect to be able to do 30 in 20:zones (not saying I agree or disagree but this is a thing). So if you’re doing 16 in a 20 zone it will be painful for others.

suggest doing an advanced driving course. Oh and don’t over think things! There is no way on earth anyone would have reported you, bloody hell.

Surely, you are not saying that the OP should take an advanced driving test in order to accommodate drivers who,

"know the roads well and expect to do 30 in 20 zones?"

Is it a thing now that we must accommodate those who want to ignore the law and do what suits them? Can we all set our own limit?

Will that also apply if I want to 100mph on a motorway that I know well and find it "painful" if others go just below the speed limit. If not, why not?

Will the police accept this as a reason if I go over the speed limit?

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