To not invite all my family?

7 replies

JustHereForTheFood · 08/11/2026 23:30

I am getting married in April. It’s a small ish wedding, 40 people with no extra in the evening.

My mum has 2 brothers, 1 I don’t speak to much so that’s not an issue but the other I have been close most of my life. The thing is, my mum and him had a huge falling out 5 years ago after the death of my grandad and haven’t spoke since - I don’t think it will ever be repaired. I’d like him and my auntie at my wedding but with it being such a small affair I don’t want anyone feeling awkward - me included. What would you do?

OP posts:

SuperLux · 08/11/2026 23:33

Speak to your mum.
"Would you mind if uncle Richard was there".

If you can't even bring yourself to ask to her about it, you know it's going to be awkward distraction at your special day.

Would you'd prefer your mum or uncle there?

throughthe · 08/11/2026 23:33

If I was paying for the wedding myself I'd have who I wanted there.

If my parents were paying, I think I'd gently approach them and see how they felt about the situation.

Original poster

JustHereForTheFood · 08/11/2026 23:34

We’re paying for it all. I’m going to ask mum and see what her reaction is. He might turn the invite down anyway. I’d obviously choose my mum and dad to be there (they both fell out with him) but I would also like my uncle there. I just don’t want to spend the day worrying how everyone is feeling if you know what I mean.

OP posts:

sesquipedalian · 08/11/2026 23:38

OP, I wouldn’t invite your Uncle, if you don’t want to spend the whole day anxiously watching for signs of awkwardness between your mother and her brother. It’s difficult, but in the final analysis, you have to consider who matters most to you. It’s possible that if you invite your Uncle, your DM will refuse to come. My DD had that situation with her DF who was not speaking to his brothers: it also meant she couldn’t invite her cousins whom she would very much have liked to have been there, but family dynamics being what they are, she felt she could not invite any of them because she knew that her DF would not have come if they were there. Of course her DF was being unreasonable - but that was the choice, and she decided that it would be better not to upset her father.

SuperLux · 08/11/2026 23:38

I get it but I think the high emotions + long day + drink is not a good combination for a first meeting of squabbling siblings.

Seacatt · 08/11/2026 23:42

This will only work, I think, if your parents and Uncle agree to meet up before the wedding to make peace. Good luck!
Failing that, I would put your Mum first.

jpclarke · 09/11/2026 00:11

i would suggest mentioning it to your mother you want to invite him, but also I wouldn’t want to upset my uncle if you get on well with him as not inviting him at all might mean he stops talking to you too. They need to be adults on the day and you shouldn’t have to worry about their feelings, it is your day and people should be able to manage themselves for a few hours for your sake. The most important part of the wedding day is watching you say your vows, the rest is only a party. Your uncle may be happy to see you get married and have the opportunity to wish you well he may not want to stay for a meal.

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