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Colleague giving silent treatment

41 replies

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:02

I work as a TA in a High School, supporting additional needs. Before half term my work colleague was stressed over some admin tasks, she also does a lot of work at home, none of the rest of the team do, it’s not necessary in our role.
Anyway she came in one morning, and we had all received the same email from our boss asking us to edit a document, she started storming about, and getting worked up. I tried to reassure her and told her we would all help each other, but she snapped at me, and I said I was only trying to help. Anyway she hasn’t spoken to me since….she has even moved seats and sits elsewhere away from me. I was hoping after half term she would be back to normal but she continues to ignore me, and gives no eye contact. All the team have noticed. It’s starting to stress me out, I love my job but at the moment I don’t even want to go in. Was I unreasonable to offer support?

OP posts:
LintRollers · 08/11/2026 21:06

No but it's possible it's more than that.

It could have been the straw that broke the camel's back IYSWIM?

It's clear she doesn't like you and that can be unsettling but if she's unwilling to talk about it, there's nothing you can do.

Unless of course it escalates into bullying, so keep an eye on it.

Evaka · 08/11/2026 21:07

Yabu to let her get to you like this. She sounds like a pain in the arse.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/11/2026 21:08

Silent treatment is pathetic IMO

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:10

LintRollers · 08/11/2026 21:06

No but it's possible it's more than that.

It could have been the straw that broke the camel's back IYSWIM?

It's clear she doesn't like you and that can be unsettling but if she's unwilling to talk about it, there's nothing you can do.

Unless of course it escalates into bullying, so keep an eye on it.

We were very close up till now, always sat together we have worked together for 4 years.

OP posts:
Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:11

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/11/2026 21:08

Silent treatment is pathetic IMO

It is but I struggle with it.

OP posts:
BibbityBoppityTwo · 08/11/2026 21:12

Completely unacceptable to give people the silent treatment in an office environment. Is it getting in the way of your ability to do your job? I think I’d try to ignore it and engage as normal but if it’s an obstacle I’d be raising it with someone senior. Ultimately she’s making herself look bad.

CalledIt · 08/11/2026 21:12

She sounds like a pain in the ass, with all the public stressing. Ignore her, unless you specifically need to communicate about a work matter.

Muffsies · 08/11/2026 21:16

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:10

We were very close up till now, always sat together we have worked together for 4 years.

Does she feel like the work is not fairly distributed? Does she think you're not pulling your weight and you're comment about "helping each other out" was insensitive?

Ignoring you is pretty childish, but she's obviously pretty hurt by something if she went from being friends to not being able to stand you.

LintRollers · 08/11/2026 21:18

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:10

We were very close up till now, always sat together we have worked together for 4 years.

In that case it looks like it's not just this one thing.

Either way she sounds very childish.

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:19

Muffsies · 08/11/2026 21:16

Does she feel like the work is not fairly distributed? Does she think you're not pulling your weight and you're comment about "helping each other out" was insensitive?

Ignoring you is pretty childish, but she's obviously pretty hurt by something if she went from being friends to not being able to stand you.

We work in classrooms supporting children, the admin tasks we all have the same to do…we don’t really get enough time to do them as our timetables are heavy going, so we just have to try and fit them in. Like I said she chooses to do a lot at home.

OP posts:
Muffsies · 08/11/2026 21:25

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:19

We work in classrooms supporting children, the admin tasks we all have the same to do…we don’t really get enough time to do them as our timetables are heavy going, so we just have to try and fit them in. Like I said she chooses to do a lot at home.

There must be something you're missing here. Has she got stress at home, is she struggling to cope? She clearly thinks you've been insensitive to her, can you think of a reason why? Presumably you want to fix the situation which is why you're here, if so you're going to have to find out where she's coming from, even if it is unreasonable or just a massive missunderstanding.

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:30

Muffsies · 08/11/2026 21:25

There must be something you're missing here. Has she got stress at home, is she struggling to cope? She clearly thinks you've been insensitive to her, can you think of a reason why? Presumably you want to fix the situation which is why you're here, if so you're going to have to find out where she's coming from, even if it is unreasonable or just a massive missunderstanding.

Yes I want it resolving and I have tried reaching out and was rebuffed. I know her well enough to say she does hold grudges, as she has had problems with other team members before but only vented to me about it. I think now my concern is how it is affecting me, I have worked there 7 years and never had to deal with this before.

OP posts:
Muffsies · 08/11/2026 21:37

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:30

Yes I want it resolving and I have tried reaching out and was rebuffed. I know her well enough to say she does hold grudges, as she has had problems with other team members before but only vented to me about it. I think now my concern is how it is affecting me, I have worked there 7 years and never had to deal with this before.

If she holds grudges then sadly i think you'll have to wait it out until she cools down and thinks she's punished you enough. Any attemps to engage will probably just wind her up, which is very unprofessional of her, but there's not much you can do about how she reacts.

Has she managed to move on from previous issues? Are you worried she might turn others against you, or are most of your colleagues supportive?

Edited to ask what she fell out with other colleagues about?

70sgal · 08/11/2026 21:38

LintRollers · 08/11/2026 21:06

No but it's possible it's more than that.

It could have been the straw that broke the camel's back IYSWIM?

It's clear she doesn't like you and that can be unsettling but if she's unwilling to talk about it, there's nothing you can do.

Unless of course it escalates into bullying, so keep an eye on it.

Silent treatment is bullying!

SpookySeaWitch · 08/11/2026 21:47

70sgal · 08/11/2026 21:38

Silent treatment is bullying!

Yes of course it is. She's pathetic.

letsgoanonforthis · 08/11/2026 21:58

I worked with a woman who gave her good friend (colleague) the silent treatment because she went for a coffee break with another colleague and didn't invite her to go too.

Another colleague gave her boss the silent treatment because her boss disagreed with her in a meeting - she carried on the silent treatment (aka sulking) for a week and was let go from the company soon after (she was a contractor so easy-come-easy-go)

Anyway, my point is, grown ass adults do this shit and there's nothing you can do to help their emotional intelligence grow.

Don't pander to her silent treatment / sulking.

Leave her to stew in her own juices.

CossyBunt · 09/11/2026 07:21

Sorry you are experiencing this OP, you don’t need this crap. She needs to behave respectfully in a professional setting. I would speak to management about this, particularly if it impacts your work.

This is why the ‘bring your whole self to work’ way of thinking is such a bad idea.

You are not her emotional punchbag. Try and not let her behaviour upset you, although it is completely unacceptable. Don’t fawn around her and try and get back into her ‘good books’. In your head just think ‘fuck her.’ Professional relationship is damaged now anyway.

UnwillingAdvocate · 09/11/2026 07:24

Bernie54 · 08/11/2026 21:30

Yes I want it resolving and I have tried reaching out and was rebuffed. I know her well enough to say she does hold grudges, as she has had problems with other team members before but only vented to me about it. I think now my concern is how it is affecting me, I have worked there 7 years and never had to deal with this before.

Then surely it’s time to raise a grievance if she has a track record for making other people uncomfortable with her grudges? Why do they keep letting her get away with it?

rwalker · 09/11/2026 07:26

She sounds a nightmare tbh I can’t see a downside in her ignoring you

CossyBunt · 09/11/2026 07:28

LintRollers · 08/11/2026 21:06

No but it's possible it's more than that.

It could have been the straw that broke the camel's back IYSWIM?

It's clear she doesn't like you and that can be unsettling but if she's unwilling to talk about it, there's nothing you can do.

Unless of course it escalates into bullying, so keep an eye on it.

It is bullying now.

MushMonster · 09/11/2026 07:32

WTAF, you did nothingvwrong.
I would tell my manager the stupid reason she is behaving like this, so they do not get the idea that you had an actual argument with her. Then put zero effort towards her. Grey rock, only talk if she talks to you, reply to emails.. end.

SpookySeaWitch · 09/11/2026 10:50

UnwillingAdvocate · 09/11/2026 07:24

Then surely it’s time to raise a grievance if she has a track record for making other people uncomfortable with her grudges? Why do they keep letting her get away with it?

My thoughts too.

Malasana · 09/11/2026 10:59

I think I’d take the route of actively speaking to her in front of other people. I’d say “morning Sharon” , “did you have a good weekend Sharon” , “I’m making a coffee would you like one Sharon” and so on.
Then if she continues, it’s clearly not you and others will have seen your attempts to speak with her. You’ll be seen as reasonable and she’ll show how difficult and childish she is.

SpookySeaWitch · 09/11/2026 11:02

Malasana · 09/11/2026 10:59

I think I’d take the route of actively speaking to her in front of other people. I’d say “morning Sharon” , “did you have a good weekend Sharon” , “I’m making a coffee would you like one Sharon” and so on.
Then if she continues, it’s clearly not you and others will have seen your attempts to speak with her. You’ll be seen as reasonable and she’ll show how difficult and childish she is.

Good idea.

Have you tried that @Bernie54 ? Be extra friendly 😁

TheAmberKoala · 09/11/2026 11:05

You did nothing wrong. She sounds like something is going on for her and shes not coping. Probably nothing about you at all. If its affecting your job, Id have a word to your team leader.