AIBU - Wedding/40th birthday clash

He’s being ridiculous. His birthday is one day and it’s a whole week earlier.

He’s being completely ridiculous. I’d just ignore him and book it when it suits.

Just say yes ideally it would be a different weekend, but there isn't one so that's when it is. Done.

Overshadow his 40th? He needs to grow up. Carry on with your wedding plans.

Tell him tough shit, he’s 40 not bloody 4.

Just book your wedding, he’ll figure something else out for his 40th. I’m assuming he has zero responsibilities, as generally when people do (ie kids) birthdays become less important.

He sounds like a dick.
He may be your best friend, but you certainly aren’t his.
He has chosen to do something on his actual birthday, that is not your problem.
Go ahead and book it the week after his birthday.

OP, you have taken the trouble to avoid his birthday in March, amd have offered an alternative day in April. The fact that he will be away is not your problem. Your DB is being an absolute wuss - you’re not getting married on his actual birthday. (My DS did get married on his friend’s 30th birthday - friend was mentioned in the speech, we bought him a cake, and everyone cheered. I don’t think he’s scarred for life that he spent his 30th birthday at a wedding reception!!) Have your wedding in March when you want it, and tell DB to get over it!

This.

He has already arranged something for his birthday (the Rugby).
Lovely, if he wants a party or a meal out as well, but he now knows that all his family and any joint family friends will be at your wedding on the day that is a week after his birthday, so he will need to arrange another day.

In our family, we have ended up with people who have birthdays in August (when, at the stage of life you have school age dc, tends to mean people are away), and people who have a birthday at Christmas (not great for trying to get people together for a birthday celebration), so they do some sort of meal out with spouse or immediate (house) family on the birthday, and tend to have big get togethers a month earlier or later. We all rather enjoy celebrations lasting 4 - 6 weeks. It's a bonus.

I also have been to a "41st", "71st" and "62nd" Birthday parties, for people who were unable to celebrate their 'big zero' birthday for various reasons (Covid, illness, and bereavement) so they chose to get all their family and friends together the year afterwards. No drama needed.

It baffles me how many people make an absolute massive fuss of their birthdays. Birthday weeks , holidays abroad for theirs or their partners birthday and expect all their friends to spend lots of money and annual leave to celebrate . Honestly its ridiculous. They are self absorbed. Its the day you was born, that's it.
Your wedding is important to YOU so plan it when you want.. sod your brother.

You can’t postpone your wedding by months because your brother is having a tantrum and wants to celebrate his birthday over two weekends. That would be madness! He clearly likes a busy calendar but he’s nearly 40…time to grow up. Book the day that works for you.

Overshadow his birthday? What a big baby your brother is.

First thing that came to my mind! Poor OP.

He is being absolutely ridiculous. Who does he think he is. Could your parents not talk sense into him

Wow, is anyone that self centered they say their sister’s wedding will overshadow their bday, when its a whole week before? That’s pathetic.

He’s not your best friend if he’s being a petty twat about a wedding the week after his birthday.

2 of my friends had birthdays on my actual wedding day!! They both turned up - acknowledged their birthdays with a cake in the evening and sang them happy birthday. Absolutely no issues!!
You plan your wedding and let your brother decide whether he turns up or not! Hopefully he will be honourable and come to your wedding and sort his birthday party out another time!!

OP, please tell me that your parents have told him to grow the fuck up! Have your wedding when you want, it's up to him whether or not he turns up. If he was truly your best friend, he would make this work - he does not need 2 weekends in which to celebrate his 40th. Is he normally such a manchild?

He is having a trip to Ireland for the rugby for his birthday, what a silly man

Have your wedding when you want to have it, if he wants to go then he will make the effort, it’s not like you have booked your wedding for his actual birthday.

Our wedding was the day before both my brother’s birthday and Mothers Day. My family were all thrilled we got to spend the whole weekend together. We went out for a meal on the Sunday evening and it was just lovely. Your brother is being ridiculous. Ignore him and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Well he could do something for his birthday BUT HE IS CHOOSING TO PRIORITISE THE RUGBY.

Book your wedding and tell your brother his birthday is being de-prioriritised by himself in favour of the rugby and thats his choice. The other weekends are not his to command

Why can't you say "i am not prioritising your birthday over my wedding" as anyone else on this thread would outright say? He clearly doesnt consider you his best friend!

Tell him he can be a bridesmaid and wear a pretty dress if he's behaving like a spoilt princess.

Send him one of these 🤣 because he is clearly having a laugh