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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS do almost 12 hours a day at school?

108 replies

giomara · 08/11/2026 13:15

He had just turned 8.

I’m a midwife and used to have family help with childcare, but that’s so longer possible.

For me to continue, I would have to put DS in breakfast club at 6:45am and then not pick him up from after school club until nearly 6pm. Three times a week.

It would be such long days for him, I think I’d feel terrible about it.

AIBU to do this?

OP posts:
SunBox · 08/11/2026 13:16

The fact you're asking if you're being unreasonable indicates you have another option.

What is it?

SapphireOpal · 08/11/2026 13:17

I'm amazed your breakfast club starts that early - I've never known one open before half 7!

If you need to you need to, presumably the alternative would be giving up your job?

CalledIt · 08/11/2026 13:17

If that’s what you need, that’s what you need. Three days a week is fine.

Peonies12 · 08/11/2026 13:17

If that’s your only option then thats how it is! He’ll survive!

sittingonabeach · 08/11/2026 13:17

Does breakfast club run that early? What time will you have to get up to be ready for that?

TimeForTeaAndG · 08/11/2026 13:18

What about a childminder for after school so he can be in a home environment which is a bit more relaxed than after-school club.

DD used to do that and it meant she could relax on a proper couch and not be doing anything particularly structured of she didn't want to.

LeopardOnEverything · 08/11/2026 13:25

Are you the same midwife who posted recently about DS8 behaving badly while being looked after at his grandparents' (with a whole back story about his useless father) and getting a smack? If so, I think he'd be better off doing the long days at school.

Original poster
giomara · 08/11/2026 14:09

SunBox · 08/11/2026 13:16

The fact you're asking if you're being unreasonable indicates you have another option.

What is it?

People on MN can be so bizarre. Was the tone of your response really necessary?

My other option would be handing in my notice, hope this helps.

OP posts:
Original poster
giomara · 08/11/2026 14:10

SapphireOpal · 08/11/2026 13:17

I'm amazed your breakfast club starts that early - I've never known one open before half 7!

If you need to you need to, presumably the alternative would be giving up your job?

Thank you for your response.

It is early - we are very lucky!

Yes, unfortunately the alternative would be leaving my job.

OP posts:
Original poster
giomara · 08/11/2026 14:11

CalledIt · 08/11/2026 13:17

If that’s what you need, that’s what you need. Three days a week is fine.

Thank you so much!

OP posts:
Original poster
giomara · 08/11/2026 14:11

sittingonabeach · 08/11/2026 13:17

Does breakfast club run that early? What time will you have to get up to be ready for that?

Yes it does. 6am for me, probably 6:15am for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
giomara · 08/11/2026 14:12

TimeForTeaAndG · 08/11/2026 13:18

What about a childminder for after school so he can be in a home environment which is a bit more relaxed than after-school club.

DD used to do that and it meant she could relax on a proper couch and not be doing anything particularly structured of she didn't want to.

This would be ideal, and I have looked into it but unfortunately no childminders cover his school.

OP posts:
SapphireOpal · 08/11/2026 14:14

Loads of younger children do long days at nursery. My toddler does 3 days a week 7.30 - 5.30 - nearly as long and he's just a baby really. He'll be just fine at 8. But yes as someone else has said I might consider a childminder instead of ASC if poss!

If your breakfast club opens that early it's cos there's demand for it so he won't be the only one doing those days!

Fupoffyagrasshole · 08/11/2026 14:16

I mean I leave mine in breakfast and afterschool 4’days 7.45-6

so not quite as long days - but overall in the week it’s long

she bloody loves both breakfast and afterschool club cus she’s with her friends and gets to play and draw and colour et.c

i don’t feel guilty and wouldn’t consider leaving my job over it

Siennadollface · 08/11/2026 14:19

It doesn't sound like you have any other options so pointless asking if you're being unreasonable. FWIW, as you're asking, i think that's an horrendously long time and I feel bad for him. But again, it's meaningless if that's all you can do.

dressshoesskirt · 08/11/2026 14:19

3 days a week is fine and fairly normal now.

Do you have any other childcare at all? If you have a partner / the child’s father / other family who could look after him one day at the weekend or so that you could do a night shift, that might be even better. But if it’s not an option then fair enough.

SunBox · 08/11/2026 14:37

giomara · 08/11/2026 14:09

People on MN can be so bizarre. Was the tone of your response really necessary?

My other option would be handing in my notice, hope this helps.

Show quote history

It does help a bit, yes.

Because unless you're going to say you're fairly wealthy and don't need to work, you really don't have another option.

I don't know why you took issue with my 'tone' though.

You're asking if you're being unreasonable and unless we have all the facts, no-one can really help.

Blanketpolicy · 08/11/2026 14:44

Ds did longer days with pre/after school, he loved it, he saw it as a treat, extra playtime after school with his friends.

I guess it depends if your dc enjoys after school?

TrixieFatell · 08/11/2026 14:46

Are shorter shifts and options of this is something you are concerned about? Have you spoke about protected hours to help with childcare?

TraitorOrFaithful · 08/11/2026 14:47

It's a long day but it's only three days a week. Don't feel guilty OP - he'll be fine.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/11/2026 14:52

Ultimately you have to keep a roof over your heads OP.

Theveryhungrymama · 08/11/2026 15:02

I think it’s fine. I was a latch key kid at about that age. I survived but it was a bit lonely, and pretty irresponsible of my parents looking at it now.

He’ll be well looked after and with the company of his friends. Don’t feel guilty.

ThatLemonBee · 08/11/2026 15:09

What happens in the other days if the week does he get to do jornal times only and have the weekend with you ? If so then needs must , it’s a very very long day for a child but unless you think you can find another suitable job then surely needed

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue · 08/11/2026 15:11

3 days is fine OP.
It will be his normal.
I would maybe get in to a routine for the other 2 days when you presumably get to pick him up at normal time eg playdate on Day 1, park & hot chocolate / home movie & pizza on Day 2.

He will see his Mum doing a job she enjoys, showing a solid work ethic and doing what needs to be done to bring him up in the best way possible.

Please don't beat yourself up. You're doing great x

Mcdon · 08/11/2026 15:13

The best thing to do is trial it for a month to see how it goes.

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