Advice needed for feelings for a same sex friend

Do you have romantic feelings? Or are you just really happy to see her and spend time with her?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. You’re obviously not going to act on it.

Agree with the first response - there is nothing wrong with feeling deeply emotionally connected to a friend (isn't that kind of the point?). On the face of what you've written this is a close friendship. But it seems like you feel there is more to it than that, on your side?

I have seen people recommending talking something you are confused about through on ChatGPT or similar - might give you some ideas if nothing else (if you don't mind your thoughts and feeling being data mined!)

You may have met your soulmate. I met mine at work at 43. It happens.

Are you physically attracted to her? Is your marriage happy? Is there an emotional connection missing there?

Do you want to have sex with her?

Didn't want to leave you hanging, OP! I think this is one of those situations only you can work out the answer to. You ask in your OP how long the feelings will take to disperse. If they've been going on for 2 years whilst you're still seeing your friend, it seems likely they won't disperse on their own. So you have a choice of reducing contact, keeping going as you are but keeping your feelings to yourself or telling your friend. These obviously all have different outcomes for your marriage. Only you can work out what is most important to you in this scenario.

You’re muddying the waters by calling out they are same sex and thinking of it in those terms. Strip that out of the equation. If if were a man would you have let it get this far? Would it make your DP upset and uncomfortable? Is it just the buzz and dopamine rush you get off someone you still don’t know the patterns of lighting up your phone?

those answers will tell you what you need to know?

I feel the same as you. It’s been about 8 years now. Initially I thought I was in love with her. But I’m not sure I am now. I definitely don’t want a relationship with her. I do find her attractive. But I think it’s more of a deep connection and regardless of what anyone else thinks I do believe she is my soul mate and that is why I felt so confused for many years.
Now she is still my best friend, she is still my soul mate. That will never change. I’m still married as is she. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened. We have never kissed or anything like that. She feels the same way about us being soul mates also.
I was very mixed up and confused for many years but I’m glad I didn’t distance myself from her. It’s taken time but I understand my feelings now

Google ‘limerance’ and have a think if that definition resonates

I’m had something very similar with a colleague. I was married but these feelings for this woman began to develop and became quite intense. Nothing happened and it came to an end when she moved away and left the company we worked for. However it was the beginning for me understanding something I hadn’t considered before. I did shortly afterwards end my marriage, and in the months that followed, I met my wife, we’ve now been together almost 20 years.

It doesn't matter what sex the person is. If you're getting close to them and would like a physical relationship with them and you're in a committed partnership already, you're in the danger zone. Your 'protection' here may be that she wouldn't want a sexual relationship with you. If this is the case, and you know that this isn't going to happen, because she's not sane sex attracted, then it's just your feelings you need to manage. If it becomes too painful to be 'without her' as it were, then you're best off ending the friendship.

I’ve told her I love her and she has said the same to me. I’ve told her she’s my sole mate and she has said the same. I haven’t told her I find her attractive. I feel that would be crossing a line. But otherwise we are pretty open with how we feel about each other

This was where I was at and decided I couldn’t pull back. I need her in my life and I think she needs me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her

See her roughly 3-4 times a week and message daily. No longing ache. Though that did take a long time to go. But totally comfortable now

I have been on the receiving end of this, when someone who was a close friend told me she had feelings for me. I was going through some very challenging circumstances at the time as my daughter was quite ill. I found this very difficult as felt her timing was extremely bad, and that she should not have told me at this time.
As I didn't feel the same I felt I had to pull back from the friendship. Essentially I lost a best friend during a time when I needed one most, and honestly, I have not forgiven her for this

So if you do decide to tell your friend, think very carefully about why you want to tell her. Only do this if you actually want a romantic relationship with her, not just so you can share the burden of your feelings.
Choose your timing carefully. And be prepared to lose or at least seriously impact your friendship if she does not feel the same way