Dd and adhd…

Did she actually tell you previously? I often call my DH out because he often thinks he’s told us (he’s so busy running a company that he thinks he’s passed all messages and thoughts on ) but he hasn’t.

@Boomboomi try and work out if information has already been giving to you before you start questioning everything.

The thing is, even if you had a bad leg , people would still get annoyed sometimes. Because they’re people and they’re human . People get frustrated even when their loved one has cancer or dementia or any other physical illness. You’re taking this very personally (which can be a trait of ADHD-rejection sensitivity dysphoria ) and to an extreme , but these things happen. Just because you have a diagnosis, doesn’t mean their feelings just disappear, no matter how understanding they can try to be. There needs to be a balance and compromise, though, so if that’s lacking then that’s something that needs working on. Especially if frustration features heavily, rather than one offs/occasionally.

I really relate as I'm in a similar position. Also the whole household is ND so lots of accommodations needed for everyone which is exhausting.

I do agree with @VioletsTale though and think that the RSD part of ADHD does make it extra hard.

the thing is, if you were interested in her then even with adhd you would remember what she is telling you. So it’s not your fault, but it’s still hurtful to have a mother who is disinterested in you and she has to manage her own feelings about that. She’ll either react by internalising the idea that she’s not worthy of attention OR turn those feelings outwards and be angry at you occasionally. The latter is probably the healthier response.

People will get annoyed sometimes, they’re human and have their own things going on. There’s not much you can do about that.

i know right,

It’s like if people with a broken leg really supported their charity, they’d still run the marathon …..

This

It’s not really the same thing. People with ADHD can focus when something is interesting enough to them. The OP even acknowledged that she shares this trait.

Just cut her some slack. It will be annoying if she's already told you something repeatedly, she's human.
I would ask your dh to be more supportive and if someone has already explained something but you keep asking perhaps he could have a quiet word in your ear and say he'll go through it again with you later?

Hmm I have ADHD, I have no problem remembering what is relevant but can't remember stuff that is boring or superfluous to my needs. For instance I can't remember any novel I've ever read but at the time I was gripped by them.
Maybe suggest that DD needs to work on her presentation skills to explain things a little differently each time, not to mention working on her empathy 😉 or write things down as she's saying them the first time?
I also record things in video or audio format on my phone as a memory aid.
Menopause definitely causes a brain fog that makes things harder but you'll come out the other side.