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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should my DH contribute with costs?

96 replies

blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 21:41

Been together 18 years. The house is mine. He pays half the mortgage but the monthly payment is very low at £230pm (so his half is £115). Every thing that needs doing to the house I pay for. Garden Reno, new windows, new boiler, new garden gate, new decking, new kitchen …. you get the picture. Is this fair? I mean he gets the enjoyment of all these upgrades but doesn’t pay for any of it, but on the other hand he pays half the mortgage and doesn’t own any of the property. I should add also that in previous years the monthly payment was as much as £600 but my own over payments have brought it to this low current amount.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 05/11/2026 21:45

Are yous actually married? Its not clear. However, i will say after 18yrs, if married and then split its still a joint asset so you will lose out in the long term.

NotStayingTheSame · 05/11/2026 21:46

Is there an agreement that if you split he would walk away from the property with nothing? I think you are on shaky ground if you are married and concede he has been been contributing towards the mortgage…

Back to your original question. If the property is yours and you have no intention of him ever having any legal ownership over it then yes, I think all upkeep costs are yours.

Original poster
blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 21:47

Where we live he would have no claim on the house in divorce

OP posts:
Original poster
blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 21:48

Sorry yes we are married

OP posts:
NotStayingTheSame · 05/11/2026 21:48

blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 21:47

Where we live he would have no claim on the house in divorce

Then yes, I think all upkeep costs are yours.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/11/2026 21:51

Do you even like each other?

i find ops like this quite odd. Are you not partners in life?

no one who doesn’t know anything about you or the rest of your life can possibly tell you, because it depends entirely on every single other thing in your life. Does he pay for absolutely everything else, food, holidays, cars etc and do the majority childcare for 10 disabled kids?

Yennefer17 · 05/11/2026 21:53

Well it’s your house and so you pay.

nidvideouioui · 05/11/2026 21:53

blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 21:47

Where we live he would have no claim on the house in divorce

Where you live, if he was privately renting would he have to cover repairs etc?

If the answer is no, then I guess there’s no reason for him to contribute towards yours either? Overall it’s a bit of an odd arrangement.

SliceOfMammasPeachPie · 05/11/2026 21:54

How will he have no claim on the house, are you outside the UK?

SliceOfMammasPeachPie · 05/11/2026 21:54

Sorry missed your post (not sure how)

Tourmalines · 05/11/2026 21:55

Can never understand how there isn’t one pot in a marriage . Very weird .

Sparrowsandbudgies · 05/11/2026 21:56

This is insanely weird. I take it you don’t live in the UK?

SoThatsTheWayItIs · 05/11/2026 21:56

I wouldn't invest in a house I had no stake in either.

Pinkflamingo10 · 05/11/2026 21:57

blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 21:47

Where we live he would have no claim on the house in divorce

The house is a marital asset
so he would be entitled to a share of it in the event of a divorce
unless you’ve some sort of pre-nup ?

hotmumshit · 05/11/2026 21:57

Leave him x

Shalalaa · 05/11/2026 21:58

Surely if you are married it’s half your house half his house. Which country do you live in?!?

wow217 · 05/11/2026 22:01

Pinkflamingo10 · 05/11/2026 21:57

The house is a marital asset
so he would be entitled to a share of it in the event of a divorce
unless you’ve some sort of pre-nup ?

Show quote history

In some countries, there is what is known as separation of assets (separation des biens in french for example, but in other countries too). When getting married, you sign a document that states whether your assets prior to the marriage will become shared or not. So DH and I, in another european country, if we ever divorce, everything acquired before we married remains our own property and is not shared.

Original poster
blondeseaside · 05/11/2026 22:11

We are in a country where if you are married and then divorce the person who owns the house keeps it. We got married late in life. No reason at our age to merge anything!!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 05/11/2026 22:13

Pinkflamingo10 · 05/11/2026 21:57

The house is a marital asset
so he would be entitled to a share of it in the event of a divorce
unless you’ve some sort of pre-nup ?

Show quote history

I live in Scotland and when we divorced my ex had no claim on a flat that I had purchased before we married.

Ellie1015 · 05/11/2026 22:15

I would charge him a bit more as rent to even it up a bit. But ideally yes he should contribute to the actual expense as he benefits from it.

mrsm43s · 05/11/2026 22:27

If it's solely your property, then maintenance and upgrades are solely your responsibility to pay for.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/11/2026 22:31

With such low housing costs and no rights to your property he should have invested in his own asset. I’d say the maintenance costs of your house are yours and he should be creating his own assets with the money he’s saving.

CombatBarbie · 05/11/2026 22:31

Pinkflamingo10 · 05/11/2026 21:57

The house is a marital asset
so he would be entitled to a share of it in the event of a divorce
unless you’ve some sort of pre-nup ?

Show quote history

They arent in Uk. I said the same.....

Even pre.nups are not really valid

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/11/2026 22:33

I think if you ask a question like this on a UK site, bearing in mind the applicable law is crucial to the answer, YABU not to tell us you aren’t in the Uk and what the applicable law is!

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 05/11/2026 22:38

He should be paying more to cover wear and tear. 18years in a house at less than £2k a year, no repairs or anything. He's winning in this deal.

What's the average rent for your size house in your area?

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