Babies & Toddlers With Pierced Ears

Its not reversible once the holes have healed the holes may shrink but they remain for life. They are more painful on smaller ears and often arent placed properly when they are done on young children and babies and can cause scars, injuries (earings being ripped out etc) and infections.
There's no need to piece a baby or small child's ears its straight up child abuse

Why not ask the people directly involved instead of this ridiculous judging? All my (4) kids had their ears pierced very young and all are very glad it was done then. Particularly given all the rules at school etc it meant it was well healed by that point, no worries about keeping the holes uncovered for days etc. It was cultural but also our choice. As parents we make many choices for our children. This British parenting approach of asking the child's view for everything is frankly ridiculous and given the behaviour i see it clearly isn't working.

Of course!

Edited to add my name is in no way encouraging circumcision, and the black canary was the best episode 👌

Ear piercings are not abusive.

If you have ever seen a baby having their ears pierced, it’s takes about a second, they cry a little and it’s done. My children have had more discomfort experiencing constipation caused by formula (when I sadly couldn’t breastfeed) or vaccination day is usually painful for a full week at our house (but it has to be done) or those parents that decide to do sleep training and let their baby cry for hours on end - I find that cruel - doesn’t that affect attachment or something? but I think we should think about our definition of abusive vs “parenting decisions I wouldn’t make”

Personally I had my ears pierced as a baby and I’m glad I did because I’m a wimp as an adult. But I understand in the West ear-piercing is more of an adult choice as opposed to an action everyone does.

Proper cleaning under the foreskin prevents UTIs.
Yes there is a lower risk for men getting HIV.
I have never heard of any reduction of HPV or herpes do have a link to research that says it does as i cant find any on reputable research sites
Penile cancer is extremely rare in men regardless of whether they are circumcised or not and appears to have more to do with hygiene than circumcision

This seems astonishing for a country that I would have thought was progressive and civilised.
Apparently up to the 1990s up to 90% of girls had their ears pierced.
Now it's more like 50%.

I suppose that if they persist with bullfighting...

@StarlightLady sometimes we just have to make the decision as an adult. I have to agree with @oblada

So you ask your child for permission for absolutely everything. I mean we seem to have the most depressed and badly behaved children - so I don’t think that’s working.

So you would say
“Do you want to go to school” - in my house it’s “you’re going to school - and if there is a problem you tell me and we will tackle it with the school” - I can give you real examples where I have worked with teachers to solve issues.

you’d ask
“Do you want to go to A&E” - in my house it’s “You are sick, we are going to A&E (or GP or whatever)” - and I had this when my child came home with a massive open wound from sports - didn’t want to go A&E - I said you are going.

You’d ask
“Oh you don’t like the food I’ve prepared today. Don’t eat then - what do you want? Go and buy it” - in my house it’s “You have to eat something. If you don’t like it, suggest the next meal and we will get the ingredients at our next shop”

You’d say
“Do you not want to do your homework today love?” - in my house it’s “do your homework. If you are stuck I will speak to the teacher myself. But let’s try it together first” - because in the real world we have to get things done.

Yes, we give our children choices - but they are not responsible for every single decision. It’s actually pretty overwhelming for them when adults give them that much freedom.

They barely notice anything at all - the biggest difference is that there is no anticipation or fear. You can tell when a child feels pain, it's not about their pain not mattering because they are small.

My girls love having earrings. They think they are lucky to have them, whereas some of their friends are not allowed to have them yet. I'm glad it's done with, healed, and something they enjoy. I loved having earrings as a child as well. If they don't when they are older, that's their choice.

But babies do feel pain, and the absence of anticipation or fear doesn't mean the procedure hurts them any less. Research actually shows that babies have heightened pain sensitivity and can experience more pronounced pain responses. Them being able to understand or articulate pain doesn't make it any less real.

I'm glad your girls like their piercings but them enjoying their earrings now doesn't change the fact that they experienced pain without being able to consent. Why not let children make that choice for themselves when they're old enough?

My mum wore a lot of jewellery. Lots of necklaces and rings. I used to scream and cry when I was very small as I hated the feel of them, still do.

So I can only assume that was it. She also used to leave the bloody stuff everywhere. I remember thinking how dirty and gross it was as a child, to have stuff hanging round your neck and then just leave it on the bedside table or wherever.

I wouldn’t ever have dated a man who wore a chain or rings, and I wouldn’t let dh wear a wedding ring, I couldn’t stand to have it near me.

I don’t like little bits of metal in general.

Most parents who do this to their young toddlers are from a very low social class no matter ethnicity. They count on their daughters' beauty to "make it" in life. I would like to see a study on the correlation of pierced ears as toddlers and absence of higher education.

I can’t believe you’re actually trying to suggest you’re a better parent and your children are better behaved because you do things like pierce their ears as babies!

It's not even 'just' about the pain, though; it's about respecting somebody's bodily autonomy, rather than making your own decisions for them for purely cosmetic reasons.

If somebody held you down (or waited until you were fast asleep) and gave you a radically different haircut - even if it was a talented stylist and an objectively good style - that wouldn't give you any pain at all, as hair has no nerve endings in it... but would you shrug your shoulders and not feel aggrieved when they let you go free/you woke up again and saw it in the mirror?

And that isn't even anywhere as extreme, as your hair will grow back in a few months; whereas a hole in an ear will take a very long time to completely heal up to the point where it's totally invisible.

It seems to be Schrödinger's argument that so many people make (just like they do with circumcision): whereby we're told that it's barely any pain or discomfort and thus nothing to be remotely concerned about for a baby to be subjected to; but the procedure somehow becomes a monumentally significant challenge for somebody who is old enough to understand and actively choose it for themselves.

How is it seriously such an unthinkably harsh ordeal for somebody aged at least in double figures to choose it for herself, understand that it will be a momentary sharp pain and then expect to have sore ears for a day or two at most before going ahead with full consent?

Well you do you and I do me 🤣 in my role(s) i see plenty of actual abuse and "good enough" parenting, and that's not easy to witness. I wish ear piercing was anywhere near the top of our society's list to start worrying about. Honestly. Let's deal with actual issues. My kids are happy with their ears being pierced and as such I have no regret. I made the right decision for my family. I have made many other questionable decisions over time but this wasn't one of them.

this. YABU for creating yet another thread about it. I had my ears pierced when I was 2. It was done with a needle at a traditional jewelers, I had no issues with it and I'm glad it was done as I can now wear earrings (which I like) and didn't have all the drama that people who were forced to wait seemed to have.

I'm glad your girls are happy with their piercings.

Out of interest, why make that decision for them before they're old enough to consent, and subject them to unnecessary pain when there's no medical need? What did having their ears pierced so young actually achieve or bring to your family that couldn't have waited until they were old enough to choose and consent to for themselves?

Don't know where you are seeing this but none I know who had it pierced as an infant had any issues. Of course, there will always be exceptions to that. Comparing it to child abuse is ridiculous and shows a lack of understanding of how and when it should be correctly done.

I'm glad it was done as I can now wear earrings

This makes no sense, though. It isn't something that becomes impossible if not done as a baby or toddler; you could have freely gone at any age between 2 and 102 and it would have been the exact same result.

Presumably, if your parents were happy to do it to you at 2, you wouldn't have had any issue with them allowing you to have it done at any age older than that, once you had made the informed choice for yourself?

Because she cares!

Child abuse isn't just a single specific act; it's a very wide spectrum.

As to when a purely cosmetic procedure that requires a person's body to be adapted should be done, the obvious answer is if/when that person actively and informedly chooses it for themselves.

Interesting assumption on my kids gender. I have 3 girls and 1 boy. All of them have their ears pierced and all are happy. We did it traditionally in India. It made my in laws happy. For me it was something easily ticked off my list. At the time it wasn't easy to find a place to do piercing by needles in the UK so it was an opportunity (I note that since then most places do it by needles but it wasn't the case 10yrs ago). None of them were upset during the process. And it all healed perfectly. Can't say the same of subsequent piercings my girls chose to do as teenagers but that's by the by. I had my ears pierced when i was 13 myself. Was it necessary? No. But it was the right decision in the end. They are all happy with it. It's healed well before school started meaning less of a headache.

I agree with you. I had a second piercing in my ears a few months ago and whilst it didnt hurt getting pierced, they hurt so badly for weeks after. Turns out I was allergic to the metal. I could take them out but a poor baby would be stuck trying to sleep on those horrible things.

Apologies for assuming, although I'm not sure why that's particularly interesting, but never mind!

Did your son also have both ears pierced as a baby, or just one? I suppose my question is why your in-laws' happiness and having something ticked off your list took priority over your children's bodily autonomy? Why subject them to unnecessary pain for something that could easily have waited until they were old enough to choose and consent to for themselves?

So surely they experience pain without consent when having vaccinations