It's the classic "DD15 threw an out of control party while I was on holiday" thread. AIBU to be this upset/angry?

I'd be speaking to a solicitor asap and appealing that decision with the insurance company. You were burgled and they should be paying out

So sorry this has happened to you. I hope you get it sorted eventually

I hope the little bastards get caught, hopefully their parents catch them out and take them to the police - before they become the next car full of idiots to die driving down the motorway the wrong way! I hope you get your things back 😞🤞🏻

YOU certainly didn’t invite them in - as a minor I wonder if your daughter can legally invite them in???

So sorry to hear this @IllBiteYourLegsOff

I'm not sure thats correct OP...it wouldn't matter whether someone was invited in if they stole a key...who could anticipate that? That would mean any guest could invalidate our insurance OP

Have you checked this?

What!?!?! Wow. I am so sorry to hear this. What advice from the police?

Omg that’s awful!! I really hope your daughter is feeling guilty and investigating employment options for a 15 year old. I got burgled many years ago and Jewlery was taken and I know the complete devastation. Also just knowing that someone has been through your stuff is so upsetting.

I don't advocate physical punishment, or smashing her daughter's stuff or selling it.

But I did suggest sending to stay with her dad for a bit and I still do, because OP has already had a difficult time running up to this event and probably needs headspace. Her daughter's presence in her dad's house might remind him of his parenting respnsibility.

Also, the child would be sent to her other loving parent, not a Gulag. And finally, its ok if her daughter feels a bit shit about all of this. Allowing her time to reflect and feel remorse might actually benefit her life in the long run rather than encourage a reckless life of no accountability.

You will be laughing about it with her mates probably, bill her for damage, take it out of any allowances she gets, start immediately, tell her no more access to the house when you are away, let her figure it out from there, and tell all her mates you billed her, see if she is laughing then, LOL.

I can't believe she's out with friends knowing she wasn't meant to be, it shows that she doesn't have a clue how devastating this is for you, and her brother, I really think she needs to pay for some of this by selling some of her stuff, so she can feel the loss of her valuables and also be cleaning up a lot of the stuff, and not be out having a good time with friends untill this mess is cleaned up, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it's really horrendous, I wish I couldthink of s omething to say to help you

I hope you get the medals back

I think the main issue here is how she's reacted afterwards. I remember being 16 and inviting friends around whilst my mum and dad went away. Worst that happened was a bottle of beer spilt on carpet and burn patch on grass from disposable BBQ..how does a 15 Yr old have a house party this crazy! If it were me if be distraught and apologetic.. she should be grovelling and tidying the house

How does one smash a phone in a non physical way?

And I don’t think your interprets of the second one makes much difference to be honest.

Why are we referencing hitting children at all? And why are you leaping to defend it?

I really hope you get the medals back x

Surely this also counts

Both you and I would have had a good slap for it - OP proposed a good chat - that's the problem right there.

and this

she would clean till her knuckles were sore.

and this

Chat" well, I can't say what I would do instead of a chat but it would make her think twice before she ever stuck her head over the parapet again. .... she could sit on a cushion in the car ....

Not to mention the half-dozen posters who advocate selling or burning all her belongings, emptying her room and packing her off to her Dad's for the foreseeable future (one, I believe, even said forever: "one less mouth to feed"). Nope, nothing abusive there!

You cant trust her. In future when you away and shes stay at her dad's id take away her house key. Id also check with her friends parents if she says she's going to a friend's. Maybe put a find my phone or location sharing on her phone.

Realistically. This could all have been much worse. She was drunk, she was vulnerable she lied so no one knew where she was or who she was with. She needs to understand how vulnerable she was.

Smashing her phone up although extreme is not physical abuse, and I suspect it was a clumsy attempt written to OP as a form of non physical punishment to teach her values.

“I would be tempted to belt her one in all honestly and at least she’d learn quickly that way.” I have to agree that sounds like advocating physical child abuse.
However the words "I would be tempted" surely nullifies the fact that she is advocating it, or the wording would be something like
"Why don't you belt her one in all honestly and at least she’d learn quickly that way.”

But my point was that the vast majority gave OP decent advice and were very sympathetic and your statement "Wow a lot of replies on here seem to be advocating for physical child abuse." just isn't true.

I cba going through all 22 pages again but just two I can find quickly-

“I would smash her phone up unless it can be sold to offset the costs.”

“I would be tempted to belt her one in all honestly and at least she’d learn quickly that way.”

Physical child abuse.

Who advocated that?
You said a lot of posters are advocating this.
I say name them and shame them then.

Whoops! you can't because there aren't any.
Are there?

Id be absolutely angry and hurt beyond belief I wouldn't beable to look at her..how dare her father let go of grounding that's how she has got into this mess in the first place because he is lax and hasn't checked up on her he sounds like a waste of space biy its not his home thats been trashed..
Consequences does she get an allowance it stops until enough can be paid towards damage and grounded while with you without a doubt .
Hope you're ok big hugs x

There’s a pretty high bar for “neglect” and not asking for verifiable proof of location every time a 15 year old leaves the house is nowhere near.

Yes, dad bears some responsibility but to call him neglectful is overstating.

Wow a lot of replies on here seem to be advocating for physical child abuse.

I would have felt everything you've felt OP, but it sounds like she's genuinely remorseful. I wouldn't have done something like this at 15 but I definitely did a lot of other very stupid irresponsible things that only didn't end up this way because they didn't get out of hand and I wasn't found out.

Id be livid.

Phone would be gone, grounded and no pocket money until all the damage was paid for.

Id be heartbroken if my dd had done this to my home.

Of course it's neglect and yes he should check, she's only just turned 15. My parents verified where I stayed and I do for my kids, it's called making sure your kids are where they say they are staying and they are safe. Anything could have happened to her at 15 and that intoxicated she could have been drugged, she could have choked anything. Be more responsible