It's the classic "DD15 threw an out of control party while I was on holiday" thread. AIBU to be this upset/angry?

OMFG. Just read your last reply

so they popped back the next night and stole a load of stuff 🙀

what does daughter think of that

Any progress from the police, @IllBiteYourLegsOff?

She hasn't actually paid anything to her Mum. She has done a bit of tidying. That is good to hear. It was her fault and on top of that the people at the party have robbed the mother and brother. I think the little madam needs to put in much more of an effort in getting the jewellery back etc.

Personally I think it is right to use sanctions. If not how is the twerp going to learn how stupid she has been. Some suggested she finds some work but sadly if there are jobs at all the places are going to want the best they will not want such an irresponsible youngster.

Another MN who jumps in with only half the information of what I was stating.

I replied to this statement by a contributor.

Wow a lot of replies on here seem to be advocating for physical child abuse I would have felt everything you've felt OP, but it sounds like she's genuinely remorseful. I wouldn't have done something like this at 15 but I definitely did a lot of other very stupid irresponsible things that only didn't end up this way because they didn't get out of hand and I wasn't found out.

My reply.
Physical child abuse.
Who advocated that?
You said a lot of posters are advocating this.
I say name them and shame them then.
Whoops! you can't because there aren't any.
Are there?

So as you can see I was not and never will condone physical abuse, I was actually trying to defend all contributors on MN who were being maligned and put in the majority category by this Poster.

How does my post suggest this?

I am sorry this has happened. The only way that this young woman can be parented through her teenage years is if you and your ex can pull together over discipline and consequences. I know it is hard but it is vital - she will play you off one against the other from hereon in if this does not get sorted. It will be bad for her and bad for you.

Can you sit down with your ex and get some ground rules established.

At the moment it sounds as though she just has to winge a bit and Dad caves in.

Wrecking your house demands a major sanction to which both of you must agree.

However, to be fair, I remember having a teenage party and my brother and I were powerless to deal with the gatecrashers. She should not have had the party in the first place of course, but I can understand how she might have felt overwhelmed by the gatecrashers - if she had not drunk so much she might have been able to send for help.

She certainly needs sanctions for all this.

Wow, you really do want her to suffer don’t you.

Yes I agree with you, what happened was never her intention. She will be distraught.

How has the daughter “paid”?

There’s not a great deal of evidence of her suffering either.

God what’s wrong with posters. Yes she did a stupid thing, she’s paid, you’re posting like you want her whipped. Thay her suffering isn’t enough for you, you’re wanting more.

The daughter should be putting in all the effort she can by visiting pawn brokers and seeing if she can get anything back. It was all her fault in the first place and has been a devastating loss for her Mum and brother. I am sure she realises she is never to be so stupid in her life ever again. What is it with teenagers at the moment. They are so selfish and think only of themselves. Words would not explain how furious I would be if I was her mother.

OP this is so awful, I'm so sorry.
I'm a jeweller - if you have any photos or details of jewellery, contact both local jewellers directly and the police ASAP in case they are taken somewhere to sell. Tell the police about SaferGems - it's a collaboration between police and commercial jewellery insurers, they cascade info of stolen jewellery to all their members (including me) in case anything is brought for sale.

Oh gosh, I feel for you, and now I also feel more concerned for your daughter than I was. She must be devastated and wracked with guilt. That's a lot for a 15 year old to handle.

This is a whole other level, isn't it? Not just in the heat of a party, but planning a crime.
What have the police said?

Oh no! Where was your daughter when they came back the next night? How did you realise that this happened. I hope she’s ok. I know she’s done wrong, but I’m sure she never expected it to end up this badly.

Was this while you were still away? Was anyone in the house at the time?
How awful... I'm so sorry OP.

We have a big teen birthday coming up and are renting a room in a pub despite having room for a party.

So sorry to read this. How depressing that people can be so horrible. How do they live with themselves.

I mean yes she totally did a wrong thing but she presumably planned to hold a party to have some fun not expecting this.

I hope by now your daughter realises the impact of holding her party. She needs to show how sorry she is by going to the local pawn brokers either with you or her equally useless father. Personally I hope she has had a good cry because of this. She needs to realise how totally stupid she has ben. If adults have been able to beat the party I am glad they didn't rape her. I do hope her things were taken and broken as it will hit home to her why any future party needs to be when she is 18 and rents a room in a pub. She needs to be going to the nearest pawn brokers after school and on Saturdays she could go further afield to see if her brother's medals have turned up. Please tell her that you have had many messages telling you she is a very stupid teenager who deserves no treats or presents for a long time to come. I hope that after the police have visited she continues helping sort out the problems she has .caused. In future do not allow her to have her own key especially as she will be grounded for a very long time. She has been apalling.

I feel so sorry for you.

Imy mum left me home alone at 16 and I had a gathering that turned into an uncontrollable house party. It happened so quickly and I remember feeling so scared and stupid.
My brother's PlayStation and games got stollen and the house so unbelievably trashed.
The PlayStation was returned the next day without the games but the guilt I felt was enormous.
My neighbour helped me get people out in the end.
I have never scrubbed and cleaned so hard in my life. My mum's first comment was ehy does the house smell of bleach. Of course she eventually found out.
I did save up to replace my brother's games. It still bothers me now that I did that 20 years later.
I certainly wasn't leaving any mess and going out though!

So sorry to hear that OP. Hope you have some success with the police

When / how did you realise this, OP? Are the police aware?

This doesn't sound like the work of 15 year olds and school leavers, more like adults and organised crime. The red herring is the hoover and its charger. They would have needed a car to move it. Plus very unlikely kids would have returned for fear of someone being in the house clearing up the debris and them getting caught. So sorry for you, am sure your insurers should be reviewing their position as house keys get lost and stolen regularly. With regard to your daughter maybe it's worth considering that what happened was never her intent, she only invited a few friends round, but randoms arrived and she was unable to control the situation.

This is horrible. I am so sorry.

Your Dd and all her friends need to hand over all photos they took that night: there will be pictures of the ones who did this.