It's the classic "DD15 threw an out of control party while I was on holiday" thread. AIBU to be this upset/angry?

Surely they stole a key and then used it to gain entry uninvited? Can’t the police give you a crime ref number?

So sorry - what an awful situation!

Exactly this. You absolutely need to push your insurers.

OP, I’m so sorry to read your updates. That’s horrific. What are the police doing? I would be amazed if they didn’t know who they were (I’m in Ireland, they almost certainly would here).

It must be devastating for your DD to realise what she had caused.

Is it really the case that insurance can’t help? They had a key because they stole it; they were not invited in in the conventional sense either ..,

Unfortunately, neighbours are often scared of repercussions.

A local boy was a minor arsonist. We twice had our hedge set alight - once it spread to a tree.

Both times, the little shit did it when we were out at my parents' on a Sunday. My next-door neighbour told me that she knew who the culprit was, but that she would not give a name.

Pity the neighbours didn’t report them.

@IllBiteYourLegsOff There is nothing I can say other than to send you 💐.

What absolute shits doing that to your house. Does anyone know who they are? I bet the police must have a bit of an idea of who would likely do this.

But you are continuing to derail OP's thread.
You continue to imply that I think physical abuse is acceptable.
Once again let me state I was defending all MN contributors who you clearly maligned by saying
Wow a lot of replies on here seem to be advocating for physical child abuse.
The majority are not, and I definitely am not, and you are right, and I concur,
even one post advocating physical abuse is one too many. So my threshold is the same as many others.
.

“I would be tempted to belt her one in all honestly and at least she’d learn quickly that way.” I have to agree that sounds like advocating physical child abuse.
However the words "I would be tempted" surely nullifies the fact that she is advocating it, or the wording would be something like
"Why don't you belt her one in all honestly and at least she’d learn quickly that way.”

... sounds like defending the poster who mentioned physical abuse to me.

Anyway I don't want to continue to derail OP's thread when she has other things to be worried about, I'll just get over myself as you've suggested. Although for the record, I think even one post advocating physical abuse is one too many. You may have a different threshold for what is acceptable.

Oh my god that’s awful. I’m so sorry OP.

as pp says challenge your insurer on those points.

OMG,
Get over yourself.

The way you seem to read a post is not the way most others do.
Where am I defending posters who have mentioned physical abuse?
I am actively not.
I am defending Posters who have not made any such comment, but were tarred by the same brush by your comment.

Your comment Quoted
Wow a lot of replies on here seem to be advocating for physical child abuse.

A lot are definitely not.
A few maybe but not intentionally.
And yes there might have been the odd post that actually meant it.

However the vast majority of posters come on here to offer help rather then demean, or slag other posters off. And by the way I am not slagging you off, I am defending myself and others against your (IMO) inappropriate comment.

Bullshit. She has two parents. She has two homes. There's nothing wrong with only having one home. Just like kids with a totally absent parent or whose parents are still together. You're so dramatic "throwing her out". It's telling her she's living with her father full time now. No "throwing" involved. Nothing abusive. You clearly don't understand the definition of the word.

I dont feel so bad about changing the locks.on my front door now when I used to go away lol (teenagers with grandparents )
People used to say over exaggerated thing to do ! I was a teenager.once 😁
So sorry for U thou Op id send her to live at her dad's until everything in your home is back to normal I wouldn't be able to look at her little sod !

I am that contributor/poster, why are you quoting me back to myself?

In any case I still think it's weird that you're defending posters who have mentioned physical abuse, but you crack on.

You need to challenge your insurance with this. Check your specific wording - they stole the key - they used force to open the door (this is a good technicality the they use to decline claims - turning a key and even pushing the door constitutes force) - they were not invited by an adult home owner - you have a crime reference number - escalate to the complaints team and check with the ombudsman. Insurance call handlers are
often not trained sufficiently and have a computer says no response, do definitely push. * depends on specific cover but definitely worth persevering with. Good lu ck

I'm so sorry OP, what a horrendous situation.

My point is the daughter hadn't thought on about likely results. She did not have enough knowledge to think hiding a spare key is a good idea. She invited all sorts of people and let all sorts in the house. Now she has to face the consequences .If her Mum decides she is to live at her Dad's then that is what needs to happen.

You don't have to agree with my opinion but if you think I'm going to sit back whilst you call it child abuse you can think again!

Try to justify it all you like, but kicking your 15yo out of the house and telling her never to come back is child abuse.

I actually think that she may well be more distraught than everyone else. Because the weight of the result of her actions and the guilt will be massive.

If I was a her mum I'd be very worried about her at this point.

So?! Not half as distraught as the other people living in the house who had no part in this and suffered solely due to her actions. Her feelings aren't the priority.

Well it was one of the first things that occurred to me, so obvious they could have stolen a key I didn't even bother to mention it. I guess I should have done if there's people like you in this world that it wouldn't occur to. Sorry OP.

...packing her off to her Dad's for the foreseeable future (one, I believe, even said forever: "one less mouth to feed"). Nope, nothing abusive there!

It was me who said that and yeh you're right there's nothing abusive at all about a child being housed by their other parent permanently and eating there!

When she's 18 she can move out and live where she wants. You make it sound like she'd be prisoner! Ridiculous.

She can't be trusted, has no respect for her mother and brother, the older she gets the more she'll feel entitled to freedom to do as she pleases, so more likely to disobey house rules. Time for her to move out and live with her father, the parent who condones the behaviour and doesn't back up the mother in grounding punishment.

I don't believe it's really possible to bring about genuine lasting changes in someone when someone else is undermining you all the time. DD has already cost OP and her brother so much both financially and in terms of feeling safe in their own home. Why should DD cost her more in continuing to keep her and in constant worries about what she'll do next or who she'll let into the house etc.

You don't have to agree with my opinion but if you think I'm going to sit back whilst you call it child abuse you can think again!

I am so sorry. How absolutely devastating.

Your daughter was incredibly foolish but I think even a mature adult may have struggled to predict someone stealing a key and coming back to burgle the house