It's the classic "DD15 threw an out of control party while I was on holiday" thread. AIBU to be this upset/angry?

Question - why didn't dad check where your daughter was having a "sleepover"? Also does she normally have a key?

However lovely and repentent your dd is (and honestly she sounds both) she needs to pay for the damage caused (whatever isn't covered by the insurance). Her gcses are something she does for her, to sort this out she needs a part time job (Sat job, babysitting). And I hope you've spoken to the police about the thefts - your poor son!

Good to hear that you and ex are on the same page re grounding - Is he shouldering any of the immediate costs?

Sounds like your DD is genuinely shocked and remorseful about how it all panned out and keen to put it right. She sounds like she is being very mature about it all. Hopefully this has been a hard lesson she has learned.

I do hope you get your son's medals and your jewellery back.

Meantime, DD should probably stay grounded, but your acknowledgement of her intentions to right the wrongs would be good.

We all make mistakes - the important part is how we deal with it afterwards.

OP, it sounds as if you, your ex, and your D are working well through this. It must be very upsetting all round. Don’t forget to give her a big hug and tell her how proud you are of how she’s dealing with it now.
Fingers crossed for the medals.

Her father was responsible for her while you were away and didn't confirm the sleepover was legitimate, and now isn't enforcing a punishment. I would hold a family meeting at your house, show him and her all the damage, stress the financial and emotional losses and ask what they are going to do about it. If not much, you can give them both consequences as I'm sure you do an awful lot for them that could be withdrawn.

I hope you get the stolen jewellery and medals back OP 😞

Have the missing items been reported to the police?

15? You shouldn't be so selfish.

I hope the little wanker with the medals returns them soon 🙏

Oh gosh no - didn't think that at all. I was just adding consensus to the fact that at any age, nobody with any decency would think this was ok or normal.

Both you and I would have had a good slap for it - OP proposed a good chat - that's the problem right there.

Great news that there's a chance of recovering the medals.

Do you have contents insurance? Will they cover the damage?

The whole incident has probably served as a FastTrack lesson to ensure your DD is unlikely to ever do anything of the sort again and thereby saved you a lot of future potential angst 🙏.

Please don’t think thst at I think this is normal or thst I condone it in any way! Im just aware that it’s something that has happened occasionally for as long as I can remember. I agree with everything people have said about how the OP must feel violated and the shock and fury she must be feeling. Like you, my parents would have knocked me into next week if I’d ever had a party where the house had got trashed, and that’s exactly why I would never have left my daughter alone in the house overnight in her teens.

@IllBiteYourLegsOff
And has she even shown any contrition?
Going by what you're saying I think she thought a 'bit of a tidy' would be enough
She has ruined your home and stability
And she's only saying what she's got to tell you to appear 'sorree' hoping that you'll just get over it
If it were me I'd expect financial recompense
So stop her allowance?
You strike me as the type of lady to always have put her first so do this at least
Because you've said that you expected this scenario to happen so it shows she's indulged
And if daddy fiscally provides its yours too
Make sure of that
And get her to damn well clean up
If anything professionally needs sorting
Demand the money off Daddy as
You're between jobs
She made it she deals with it
And as for your useless ex
He grows a pair explains the danger/stupidity of what she did and actually parents your spoilt brat BUT you both have to present and maintain a united serious front
So dont send her to daddys
He'll just let her roughshot however she fancies
So lay down rules about her routine at yours
Including tidy-up time
And stick to them
Also
Cruel I know but I'd give her so much cold-shoulder she'd think before she ever spoke to me again and then she'd do it curteously
She's already taken a mile
If left unchecked
It'll become a marathon
And with the "friends" she seems to have acquired in her short years thus far
Where's it all going to stop??

Or get the police onto the someone who knows where they are.

They won't be fucking laughing when the police are at their door.

It’s not normal but it does happen. Happened in our village in the 90s. Was worse though as thugs came and beat people up! Ended up on the front page of the Sun! This was 1992. Still talked about in my parents genteel village!

I've just heard that someone knows someone who has the medals on display in his bedroom...

Whoever this little shit is I hope he’s publicly shamed on your Facebook group and is grounded for the rest of his life.

Most teenagers know what happens when parties are advertised on SM. This little madam didn't think on. Her dad is equally to blame. Therefore they pay to replace everything then she can spend time reflecting on how totally stupid she has been. Did her dad and herself not think about the possibility of her being raped. I would smash her phone up unless it can be sold to offset the costs. I would get her dad to pay those costs upfront and the longer DD takes to pay the money back she can think about her actions.

I'm considerably younger than that (40s) and I would say the same.

My mum actually would have given me a physical battering for that. I've been to house parties where everybody got a bit drunk but nobody trashed houses.

I equality, can't believe anyone thinks this is normal.

This sounds really positive and you are doing a great job! Just remember that at least everyone is alive and well- you’ll work through it- all possessions can be replaced and mended and it sounds as though your daughter has learnt a lesson.

Blimey. Well I'm 69 and my parents would've killed me and likewise my friends' parents. Yes, I went to house parties where everyone got pissed and smoked a joint or two, and there was without doubt some pretty bad behaviour. But the idea of completely trashing the house, like the OP has described, didn't happen in my world. And was no goody two shoes!

I remember a story on the radio years ago - it made the news as the gate crashing crowd was huge and caused much disturbance on the street, as well as trashing the house.

If I remember correctly, the DD stayed with family friends for a while as the relationship with the parents was obviously very strained. I think the mum’s wedding dress was deliberately damaged, among many other things.

The first priority must be to try to recover the medals and jewellery. Well, once the basic cleaning is done. An incredibly stupid and deceitful action on her part has taken something discuss that her DB has collected. She really needs to feel the pain of that. Are these war medals, or medals that he has won? If they’re his achievement medals they won’t be worth anything and so I would get the word out in your local area/ school community. Selling something of DD’s might well raise the money for a little incentive for someone to send them back.

I would be very very angry with her.

I wonder if anyone has posted any photos anywhere on Social Media. Just so you could see who was there. I feel so sorry for your son having his things stolen.