It's the classic "DD15 threw an out of control party while I was on holiday" thread. AIBU to be this upset/angry?

The presents thing is vindictive. I think that would be unfair tbh.

The ex should pay to put every thing right. as he failed to look after her. Her safety could have been at risk as he had no clue what she was up to. Hope the police are dealing with the theft

Pure rage bait.

Did you read that she's also insisting on paying for everything that was taken?

She says that she will redeem herself by smashing the GCSE mocks.

How does that help anyone other than herself.

Show make up for theft and criminal damage by doing well in her own exams.

She hasn't learned a thing.

I'd be selling some of her thing to pay for the damage...she can do this ...you have a book with costs and it gets worked off. It will teach a lot about working to provide for yourself etc..

If a Birthday is imminent I'd be tempted to wrap pictures of presents she's foregone as a result of this.

I would definitely have consequences that could be felt...rather than just words

I think it would depend on her attitude. Is she sorry?

If randoms turned up and trashed the place, I don’t think you can hold her responsible for that. A fifteen year old girl cannot control others. But make sure she has learnt the lesson of why parties are difficult and what to do if things are getting out of control.

Aw, I’m sure she feels awful! Give her a cuddle and tell her all will be fine (because it will!). Maybe a nice spa weekend for the two of you or something like that would be good just to reiterate there’s no hard feelings
@IllBiteYourLegsOff

The deviousness would make me so angry. I would lose my sh+t entirely. I would be tempted to belt her one in all honestly and at least she’d learn quickly that way.

You are going to need to communicate properly with your ex and her friends’ parents on her whereabouts in future since she cannot be trusted.

I guess you need to understand what happened - perhaps a load of people turned up uninvited and it was not entirely her fault (except it was in that she was devious and she organised this.) Nevertheless I’d tell her that devious behaviour will not wash with me and her dad (hopefully he’s reasonable and you can get him on side, this one needs both parents.) Obviously grounded/no phone for 2-4 weeks, perhaps there are some garden or household tasks that need doing?

I’d give her a strong talking to about personal safety, the strength of different sorts of drink and the perils of being too drunk to look after yourself as a young woman as well.

Most teenagers know what happens when parties are advertised on SM. This little madam didn't think on. Her dad is equally to blame. Therefore they pay to replace everything then she can spend time reflecting on how totally stupid she has been. Did her dad and herself not think about the possibility of her being raped. I would smash her phone up unless it can be sold to offset the costs. I would get her dad to pay those costs upfront and the longer DD takes to pay the money back she can think about her actions.

Aw, I’m sure she feels awful! Give her a cuddle and tell her all will be fine (because it will!). Maybe a nice spa weekend for the two of you or something like that would be good just to reiterate there’s no hard feelings
@IllBiteYourLegsOff

Aw, I’m sure she feels awful! Give her a cuddle and tell her all will be fine (because it will!). Maybe a nice spa weekend for the two of you or something like that would be good just to reiterate there’s no hard feelings
@IllBiteYourLegsOff

I've just heard that someone knows someone who has the medals on display in his bedroom...

Whoever this little shit is I hope he’s publicly shamed on your Facebook group and is grounded for the rest of his life.

This sounds really positive and you are doing a great job! Just remember that at least everyone is alive and well- you’ll work through it- all possessions can be replaced and mended and it sounds as though your daughter has learnt a lesson.

I'm considerably younger than that (40s) and I would say the same.

My mum actually would have given me a physical battering for that. I've been to house parties where everybody got a bit drunk but nobody trashed houses.

I equality, can't believe anyone thinks this is normal.

I think it would depend on her attitude. Is she sorry?

If randoms turned up and trashed the place, I don’t think you can hold her responsible for that. A fifteen year old girl cannot control others. But make sure she has learnt the lesson of why parties are difficult and what to do if things are getting out of control.

Longtime lurker, first time poster... I've just returned from a lovely week abroad with the boyfriend, while the DCs were staying at their Dad's, or so I thought...
Calls and texts from the police told me otherwise. DD15 told her dad she was on a sleepover elsewhere and threw a "gathering" at my house. Word got out, randoms turned up, stealing precious items and trashing the house and garden. Fortunately a neighbour called the police, who ended the party. DD15 was very drunk, the police and called and texted me (I didn't see this until the morning) and eventually turned up on her dad's doorstep.

It's the classic tale... but I didn't expect this for another few years - DD only just turned 15 last month. She has cleaned up a bit and I paid for a cleaner to come while away, but there is still a lot of damage: broken furniture, lots of broken glass inside and out, indoor plants emptied outside, smashed pictures, stolen jewellery and DS's prized sports medal collection. The house was egged inside and out, lots of unreachable egg on the second floor windows. They found my fire extinguisher and set it off inside the house. It still smells a week on of damp. Packets of lentils emptied throughout, including in the above ground pool.
I feel that I have been drip fed information about this and that it is so much worse than described, I feel violated, angry and deeply upset.

For a little context, I've had a bad month in which our beloved (and very old) family dog died, my car died and I lost my freelance contract, so suddenly find myself without any work, money and no money coming at the month end as I would have to go to court to get it - and it's not worth the stress with this particular client. So I would love some advice as to what to do and also whether IABU to be so devastated by this and so angry.

DD needs consequences. Her dad has already let go of the grounding we agreed to and she was out with her friends already one night this week. So I don't think we will be on the same page.

I'm also just so broken at the moment from the other things that have been going on, that further conflict feels like something I will not welcome!

Would would you do in this situation?

Most teenagers know what happens when parties are advertised on SM. This little madam didn't think on. Her dad is equally to blame. Therefore they pay to replace everything then she can spend time reflecting on how totally stupid she has been. Did her dad and herself not think about the possibility of her being raped. I would smash her phone up unless it can be sold to offset the costs. I would get her dad to pay those costs upfront and the longer DD takes to pay the money back she can think about her actions.