AIBU for giving my step-niece less than my nieces for 17th birthday?

OP didn’t choose to blend it though.

Her brother doesn’t have the right to decide that for her. If he had brought in 4 step kids do they all get the same from OP? What if his current marriage breaks up and a new one begins, does the current obligation to step niece cease and a new one for new steps begin?

At any point is OP allowed a closer relationship to the blood relatives whose lives she has presumably been part of since birth?

Giving SN a lovely chosen present to the tune of £100 doesn’t sound like she is being treated like an outsider

They are indeed a blended family, not a nuclear one. That means that the children of that family don’t all have the same relatives in common, and the relationships they have will reflect that. She hasn’t been treated like OP’s nieces because she isn’t OP’s niece.

The brother can blend his family as much he likes but you can’t force the extended family to treat everyone exactly the same.

It means they should be treated like family. If OP chooses to give biological nieces and nephews £1,000, then something on a similar scale is appropriate to the stepniece and nephew. It is a BLENDED family. That is apparently how her brother feels and understandably got the message that OP believes that although stepniece has been part of his family since she was a young child, she is still an unworthy outsider.

Back atcha! Night, time for bed!

That's fine, I don't agree with you either and thats why the OP comes on here, to get other peoples opinions and now she has a variety. Mission accomplished.

👏 👏👏

I'm repeating myself because you don't seem to be understanding it and I have said there is a limit to how many different ways I can put it...and to say you aren't reading, how do you know I am repeating myself?

It’s funny because even the tone of the Chat GPT posts has gradually got more strident.

I wonder if that was a prompt from pickle or if even Chat GPT got tired of repeating the same line 🤣

Reported for being a bot? Honestly if I were a bot, I’d at least have the sense to keep my replies under 500 words. I tell you what I am though soar, got repetitive strain injury from typing and my bed is calling.

Love
Bot! x

Jesus Christ @PrettyPickle would you ever stop? Talk about dogmatic! Many don't agree with you, get over it.

I know I've been saying people don't all think the same but I'm fairly sure the 'emotional impact' of your repeated chatgpt posts is mental torture on all of us 😂

You have no idea what the ‘emotional impact’ or ‘emotional relationship’ is or isn’t. If she does feel hurt it’s unfortunate, but it’s not OP’s fault or problem to solve.

You don’t need to keep repeating your bullet points. No one has failed to understand you, we just don’t agree.

You are clearly not listening to what I have repeatedly said.

I’m not claiming she must feel hurt. I’m saying the contrast itself carries meaning - and that meaning exists regardless of how she personally reacts.

Of course emotional responses vary. Of course some teenagers shrug things off. Of course some genuinely don’t care.
But none of that changes the fact of the situation:

• two girls got £1000 at 17
• one girl got £50 and perfume at 17

And yes, she may have felt nothing but warmth from the aunt’s gesture. That’s absolutely within the range of normal reactions. But her potential reaction doesn’t change the reality of the contrast. The emotional impact isn’t created by me - it’s created by the scale of the difference.

This isn’t about insisting she’s upset. It’s about acknowledging that the disparity is stark, and stark disparities carry meaning in close family settings.
Her father reacting protectively doesn’t mean she’s traumatised. It means he saw a very obvious gap and didn’t love how it looked for his daughter - which is a perfectly normal parental response.

Different people think differently. Different people feel differently. But the situation itself doesn’t change.

Two girls got £1000. One girl got £50. The contrast is obvious - even if the girl herself is perfectly happy with her gift.

I don't know how many times I can say this, there is a limit to the different ways I can put it.

I’m not claiming she’s the aunt’s biological niece - I’m saying the emotional context of eight years of shared family life matters. Legal terminology doesn’t dictate emotional reality. A child who has grown up inside a family unit for nearly a decade isn’t experienced by the other children — or by the adults - as “an in‑law.” She’s part of the household dynamic, part of the celebrations, part of the day‑to‑day life. That’s simply how blended families work when they’ve been together long‑term.

And again, nobody is saying the aunt must give £1000. Nobody is saying the step‑niece is entitled to it. Nobody is saying the aunt has behaved maliciously.
The point is that the disparity is stark, and stark disparities carry meaning in close family settings:

• two girls got £1000 at 17
• one girl got £50 and perfume at 17

You don’t have to agree with him. You don’t have to think the aunt should have matched the gift. But pretending the disparity carries no emotional weight because she’s “not really a niece” doesn’t reflect how blended families actually function after nearly a decade of shared life.

That’s all I’m saying - repeatedly

I can’t believe people are SO stupid that they can’t see all the obvious AI tells and realise that others are well aware 😂 bet they use it to send emails as well thinking they are super clever

It’s the repetition that gets me most

like, PLEASE ADD something new and fresh

don’t make me read £1000 to 2 girls yet again

surprised Mumsnet allow it given how it stifles discussion

But that’s exactly the point - calling her “an in‑law” doesn’t magically make the emotional context disappear.

Yes, legally she isn’t the aunt’s niece. Nobody is disputing that. But emotional relationships aren’t built on paperwork, they’re built on shared life. And this child has shared eight years of day‑to‑day family life with the aunt’s nieces.

That’s not remotely comparable to an adult who marries into a family.

She’s been there for:
birthdays
Christmases
family meals
holidays
ordinary daily life

She hasn’t “arrived” as an in‑law. She’s grown up inside the family unit. That creates a very different emotional landscape.

And again - nobody is saying the aunt must give £1000.
Nobody is saying the step‑niece is entitled to it.
Nobody is saying the aunt has done something morally wrong.

The point is simply that the disparity is stark, and stark disparities carry meaning in close family settings.

Two girls got £1000 at 17.
One girl got £50 and perfume at 17.
Same milestone. Same aunt. Same age. Very different treatment.

Whether the girl personally shrugs it off, feels a pang, or genuinely doesn’t care - the message created by the contrast still exists. That’s not projecting feelings onto her. That’s acknowledging how comparisons work inside families.

And yes, she may not consider the nieces her sisters. She may be perfectly fine with being in a blended family. She may not care at all. All of that is possible.

But none of that changes the fact that the difference is obvious, and it’s understandable that her father - as her parent - reacted protectively when he saw it.

You don’t have to agree with him.
You don’t have to think the OP should have matched the gift.
But pretending the disparity carries no emotional weight because she’s “not really a niece” doesn’t reflect how blended families actually function after nearly a decade of shared life.

That’s all I've been saying all along

Yes, I’d rather a few lines with typos than a generated bulleted essay.

Should the children (some now adult of course) also have to treat each other equally? Or are they allowed to account for bio vs step relationships?

Nah.

The extended family didn’t commit to a step-child.

They should be kind and inclusive but being kind doesn’t mean treating them exactly the same.

It isn’t really, they can give what they like to who they like.

in this instance, giving a present was the equal treatment. OP didn’t need to give the same present to someone she has a different relationship with.

im sure the bio family on the other side haven’t done every present equally for the past 8 years, and nor should they

Yep, getting repetitive strain injury here 🤣

I have never used Chatgpt in my life!