AIBU for giving my step-niece less than my nieces for 17th birthday?

I wouldn’t treat step children differently and I do think it’s unkind.

Definitely!

Do the step kids' family send the same value to all the children?

I think it's reasonable to do whatever the step family do. I suspect they do not spend equally.

Of course you need to speak to your brother if you think he’s upset about this. You can just explain what you’ve said on here - step nieces have other family. No need to be defensive or argumentative with each other

If your brother is offended tell him fine then he can refund you the cost of the driving licences you paid for to make things fair!!!

As people keep telling you, you have no reason to believe DSD is even aware of the disparity. You've made that part up. Nothing OP has said indicates that she has any idea what was given to her stepsisters when she was in primary school. You're filling in a lot of blanks across this thread.

More to the point do the step kids’ aunts and uncles give presents to the op’s neices?!!

Same in my family. It’s not the kids fault they weren’t born into the family.
They all get the same gifts and treats.

And that’s OPs problem how? She had no say in the matter!

You could have the conversation about his double standards - that he knows his own daughters don’t get treated by new family and don’t get treats his stepdaughters do, does he judge all those people? Or just his sister? Ask him how his daughters would feel if there’s never anything just for them but lots and lots just for the step daughters?

I would have given all of them the same amount. Been in the family for eight years, why treat them differently?

'Only' 8 years. 8 weeks or 8 months and i could understand what you're saying but 8 years!!! So I'm assuming the SD is 17, that is half her whole childhood. If op hasn't accepted her into the family by now and isn't treating her the same after 8 years she never will. If in the lead up to her birthday her 'Dad' has been saying what the other two kids got then I'm afraid she will always feel different to her 'sisters' and I think that is a very sad state of affairs. Her 'parents' have every right to be upset, no worse disappointed in you. But hey, it's your money.

i would message him and say £50 was more than appropriate, they have their own family members who can pay for driving lessons and their own two parents for that matter. He’s being a CF.

Definitely the brother and wife's expectations that the op would pay for driving lessons and is upset that she hasn't because that shits expensive. SN sounds happy with the generous gift she got.

I completely agree with this. Don’t give the money if you don’t want to - as eveyone has said it’s up to you. But there are also nuances to that, social graces and complexities. It’s funny to be surprised by this.

OP has hurt her brother and I can see why. It’s not really anyone’s fault it’s just one of the tricky things about blended families. I agree though, OP has made her feelings quite clear and that might have consequences.

And there it is. I wondered if there was really some form of prejudice ‘she’s not really family’ thought process behind this, and there is. I didn’t need to look far.
this is why your brother is mad, he knows that this mentality is what lies behind it. She’ll always be 2nd class citizen to you because she’s not blood. I think that’s quite sad. Thank god he never adopted!

The OP's nieces also had to live with separated parents, between homes and with a new step-family they had no say in. I also doubt their step-mother treats them the same as her own kids.

So this has somehow become the OP’s issue/responsibility?

The OP's nieces also had to live with separated parents, between homes and with a new step-family they had no say in. I also doubt their step-mother treats them the same as her own kids.

Does anyone remember the thread where an OP planned a trip to Alton Towers, then all hell broke loose because she didnt invite the step cousins (who she hardly knew)?

Or what about the OP who wanted to take her nieces to the pantomime, but suddenly found out she was expected to invite her brother’s new girlfriend’s 3 children?

Just pure step-twattery, every time

They? Do you mean 'her'?

You were mean if she has been part of the family for eight years. There's a huge difference between £1000 and £50, making it obvious she has lesser status.

You can’t tell from a quick glance at that poster’s posts that they are copy and paste jobs and don’t need to be read?

I strongly suspect that this is less about him worrying she’ll feel she’s been treated unfairly, and more about him realising he and her mum will now have to come up with a way to pay for driving lessons themselves.

If he was really that concerned about how she might feel, he would have spoken to you in advance about what you were planning to get her so he could support her if he thought she might get upset.

Clearly, she wasn’t bothered, and in actual fact seems to have been delighted with what you got her. He’s the one that seems to have a problem.

You have done nothing wrong. Your brother had no right to complain to your parents. Sneaky and immature behaviour.
The step niece is not a blood relative. Does his wife's family treat your biological nieces as they do their own niece? I doubt it. Where does it end with the entitlement?
You said your step niece was happy with her present. Her step Dad and her Mum could take a leaf out of her book and act like responsible and mature adults.

Why on earth does he think its your job to provide driving lessons for a child that has a mum, a dad, a step-dad and extended family on both her mum and dad's side?!

Absolutely this