To think 26 year old dating 19 year old is weird?

Met mine when I was 19 and he was 26. We’ve been together 13 years and had our first child in 2024

ETA for the poster above me, I was at uni, had a job, drove and didn’t rely on him for anything. We have been each other’s biggest cheerleader through two degrees, ill health, bereavement and everything else life could throw at someone, just like any other normal couple would be.

YANBU, 26 and 19 is just vile. The 19 year old might legally be an adult, but realistically what life experience do most 19 year olds have? Barely any at 19. I cannot think of any good reason why any 26 year old would want to be in a relationship with a literal teenager.

One of my school mums I know is around 28 and went out with a 21 year old a while back. She drives, rents, has a child, works. She went out with a 21 year old man who still lived at home, didn't work, didn't drive....... and enjoyed being older than him and teaching him about life experiences ect 🤢....... they didn't last long.

I will always judge her for it and it's made me look again her a completely different way

26 year old me would not have been interested in a 19 year old guy.

19 year old me would've dated a 26 year old. Plus loads of my friends went for older guys. At 19 I was definitely not a child or treated as a child.

The girls of my era (yes I am pretty old!) loved an older boyfriend who usually came with a better car, loads of cash, bit of experience and generally treated you better. I was also driving and had cash of my own so very independent, but I met lots of guys in the office that bit older who are making me smile now thinking back at the memories!

Today you are treated as a child at 19.

I had a 26 year old boyfriend when I was 18 and just finished A levels. I dumped him a few months after I left home to go to university.

Looking back, I do wonder a bit tbh.

The what rule?

i feel it’s quite a big gap. Dh and I met when I was 22 and he was almost 26, but I’d finished uni and was starting work. 19 could be just out of school and 26 isn’t a ‘young adult’ any more.

Nothing illegal about it but there could be a maturity aspect about it. So I’d say it depends on the individuals concerned.

It’s because they don’t live like adults. Usually still studying so being supported financially, generally live at home in their childhood bedroom. They aren’t children, but it’s a transitional age.

There is no such fucking rule, it's completely made up.

Yes it’s weird. A 26 year old is an adult. A 19 year old is an adult in name only. What on earth could they possibly have in common? I would wonder what is wrong with the 26 year old tbh that they can’t find someone their own age. Are they very insecure?

I had a friend like this - dated an 18 year old when he was 26. Went to a bunch of 6th form parties and freshers events. Didn’t end well, unsurprisingly and it did rather make me think he was kind of a perv

Well if TikTok says so it must be true 🙄

It falls outside the half your age plus 7 rule but at least it is only just outside. Once the 19 year old has turned 20 it will be ok.

I don’t really know if times have changed other than we no longer seem to think 18/19/20 year olds are actual adults. Parents still treating them like children.

Many 19 year olds will have left school three years ago its only on mumsnrt there is an assumption a 19 year must have gone to a sixth form in a school.

Sounds like the main issue is you don’t like either of them 🤷‍♀️

There are 7 years between my DH and me. Given that we didn't meet until I was 45 that seems like nothing, but it does seem weird sometimes that he had actually just left school for an apprenticeship when I was just starting senior school. When one person is not yet 20 it does seem like a very big gap. I think it's the whole life experience thing that makes the difference. At 19 you are unlikely to have had many, if any, serious relationships - at 26 you are likely to have had several. And then there is the basic knowledge of how to live - working, finding somewhere to live, paying bills etc., although I grant that in today's mollycoddled society a 26 year old may still be living at home with parents doing everything for them.

You are being nasty about both of them and it's really none of your business.

I came on to say it’s something that’s frowned upon today, but wasn’t so unusual thirty years ago, me included, who at seventeen dated someone in their mid-twenties, and would have happily dated someone twelve years older ( never got asked, but had good friendship with him). Looking back with today’s eyes, I am slightly surprised at myself and would I be happy if my dc dated with that age gap, probably not.

I'm in an age gap relationship that has lasted decades. If there is a power imbalance at all, it's me with the greater power and I am the younger of the two. Whilst I agree with most people I would question big gaps, it isn't always as simple as that. It was never weird as fuck or predatory for us and I could never get on with people my own age to date because they were not on a sufficient level of maturity/didnt talk about topics I was intellectually interested in. I am neurodiverse and high IQ so maybe that played a part but it would be wrong to label every age gap relationship as weird.

If it were my own child I might question it depending on their maturity - my step child at the same age I was when I met their father was nowhere near, genuinely nowhere near, where I was in maturity at that age and I could never have understood even a few years age gap and would have found it odd if there were one. But for others I have known Id have found it more odd if they'd been with people their own age to be honest.

I think it was different in the past in some ways as we could leave education and training at 16. And it wasn’t uncommon to have had a series of jobs from about age 13. I know I did.

Now it’s harder to get either a PT job alongside school / college and/or a FT job at 18. Consequently, 19 year olds have had a lot less life experience and exposure to the adult world and how to navigate your way through, especially if September born.

This coupled with the increased understanding of safeguarding and brain development means we are a lot more wary.

It’s normal to think you’re really mature at 19. For some this can be true. Mature for a 19 yo. But still 19. And I wonder how many people answering have a child if a similar age.

My dd has just completed year 13. I know 19 is a year older and we change a lot at this age. However she’s not going to be a mature adult in a year from now.

And this is the prime age, when they think they know it all. With age and experience we realise there’s a lot more to learn

Perhaps people feel differently if they don't feel they changed all that much between those ages themselves, but I was a significantly different person at 26 to who I was at 19!

I went out with a 33 year old for three years when I was at university. He was also back at uni so it seemed we were the same life stage. After uni it didn't work so well and felt the age gap. DH is 4/5 years older so similar to the gap in your example. We've been together since I broke up with my ex, 27 years ago.

My first serious boyfriend was 25 and I was 18. No issues.

Perfectly normal. Both adults. You’re infantilising the 19yo.

Ah well if Tik-Tok says it, it must be true. 🙄