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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think 26 year old dating 19 year old is weird?

239 replies

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 05:53

I’ll leave sexes anonymous. I know both parties well, they have been dating for around 2 months. One is my sibling. I feel really really irked by it. It’s weird right?

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 16/06/2026 09:59

Nah get over it. Unless it’s a controlling abusive relationship seems quite normal. My son’s ex dated a 27 year old for three years staring at 19. He even had full custody of his kid! My son at 21 dated a 27 year old for a couple months but there wasn’t enough of a connection plus she was probably looking for something more serious than he wanted.

shhblackbag · 16/06/2026 09:56

Lexy2345 · 16/06/2026 06:34

Perfectly normal. Both adults. You’re infantilising the 19yo.

This. Typical of MN.

anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory

Ridiculous.

SpaceRaccoon · 16/06/2026 09:54

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

Yes but that's deranged, terminally-online tiktokkers. You must see that's fucking mental 😂

Thechaseison71 · 16/06/2026 09:53

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:11

They both still live at home. 19 year old can be very mature in some ways but incredibly immature in others, I.e getting hopes up about someone they’ve known 2 minutes then crashing down for months when it all goes to shit. 26 year old is more than likely dating others, definitely chatting to others anyway.

if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t know what the 26 year old sees in the 19 year old and that’s why I think it’s weird. Two different stages in life in a lot of ways. You might also say the 26 year old is a bit of a serial dater

But at that age there isn't necessarily 2 different life stages. They can be both working for example, or both living independently/ or with parents. Id say it depends more on the people concerned

Cosimarocks · 16/06/2026 09:49

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

‘… anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory’ !?!

I think that needs clarification, surely! Are you saying at that age or at any age? Because currently what you have written suggests that this is a blanket rule you’ve decided upon and I suspect it would apply to a good percentage of Mumsnet and the world. Are you seriously suggesting that this should apply, say, to two people who meet in their late twenties/ early thirties? What about someone aged 40 dating a 44 year old? Is that abusive? I’ve a widowed aunt, aged 74, who recently found love with a rather lovely 79 year old. Are you suggesting I should report him to someone as a predator?

You are being ridiculous and rather mean spirited. As others have said, it sounds like you don’t particularly like either of them. They are both (legally) adults so frankly, not your life, not your business. Let them make their own decisions and mistakes and, who knows, perhaps it will work and one day they’ll be a very normal couple in their 30s, 40s, 50s with a very normal age gap.

Also, using TicTok as proof that you are somehow the mature, sensible one in this is laughable.

pinkspeakers · 16/06/2026 09:46

Sartre · 16/06/2026 09:06

When my old school friend was 19 she started dating a 56 year old. Her mum understandably was furious and stopped speaking to her for years. I thought this was hugely unfair at the time and agreed with her but now looking back just think, why the fuck was a 56 year old interested in a 19 year old? Bearing in mind he also had children older than her… Well they’re still together now 14 years on, married with young children. He’s obviously 70 now and she’s 33 but they seem happy enough so who am I to judge.

Very unhelpful response by her mother!!

She might think it is a big mistake by her daughter (and be furious with the main) but how is being furious at the daughter and not speaking to her going to help anything?

I dated a 42 year old when I was 18. In fact he already made moves when I was just 17. It lasted 3 years. My parents were clearly very unhappy about it but they stayed supportive of me generally.

Yes it was a huge mistake and I'm incredibly angry with that man now when I think about it. But on the whole my parents handled it as well as they reasonably could.

Summervibes83 · 16/06/2026 09:38

I dated someone who was 27 when I was 17, and didn't think it was weird at the time. When I was 27 I looked back and thought it was really weird, I would just have never had anything in common with someone only then leaving school.

I don't think it's predator territory exactly, but there is an imbalance of power and experience I think.

Chuffingcupboard · 16/06/2026 09:37

Met DH when I was 22 just starting a career and he was 35. Still together....I'm 60....you can't see what's in others relationships but agree you can stand by to be supportive if it goes wrong.

Periperi2025 · 16/06/2026 09:29

My friend was 17 when she got with her ex who was 26. They married and had 3 kids. I think they were probably fairly well matched on maturity, the problem was she then matured 'past' him. The kids are in their 20s now but they still friends, had a great co parenting relationship, he was just the ultimate Disney dad. He certainly wasn't predatory, and they had loads in common (shared friends, shared hobbies).

Pasithean · 16/06/2026 09:28

20 years difference here. Married 31 years . Everyone was down on us . We don’t care.

CypressGrove · 16/06/2026 09:28

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

I think a 7 year age difference between adults is less weird than an adult using TikTok to form opinions.

Thundertoast · 16/06/2026 09:26

QuintadosMalvados · 16/06/2026 08:52

Because men and women are different.
I'm sure that there's a lot of 19-year-old males who'd date a 26-year-old woman but they don't want to date him.

That's why.

Yes, men and women are different....thats not just biology though, is it!
We are all socialised to associate certain things with certain age/genders, some of it with not great origins.
For every woman whos marriage has lasted 30 years and is great, there's a woman who looks back and can see just how she was groomed.
For every woman who had a great fling and has fond memories and thinks she was totally in control, there's a woman who looks back and sees exactly why that man wasnt dating women his own age.
For every woman who thinks her maturity and independence is what attracted the older man, is a woman who recognises now that the maturity and independence is what made her such a good target.

If we think of it in terms of rape culture.
Men making little misogynistic jokes to make their friends laugh, contributes to rape culture. But they havnt raped anyone. But they dont make that joke in a vacuum.

Men 26 dating a 19 contributes to the culture where its normalised for men to date younger women, so 42 and 18, 21 and 14 etc. The 26 year old hasnt done anything wrong legally, but he also wasnt attracted to a 19 year old rather than a 26 year old in a vacuum.

I used to be on the fence until I realised that 99% of the time if you ask a woman who was 19 when she met her 26 year old husband if she would be happy with her 19 year old dating a 26 year old, they say 'well, thats different, I was mature for my age'
Every teenager thinks they are mature for their age. And sometimes these women say 'well i had a job and my own home, my 19 year old doesnt..' and this ignores the fact that you can have these things without emotional maturity, and that was very often the case 20 years for many reasons.
But in short, they are never really enthusiastic about their daughters doing the same and that speaks volumes...

Nannyfannybanny · 16/06/2026 09:21

Mumsnet is obsessed with age gaps. I met my second DH at work,he's 7 years younger. I was married with a child at 19,he was still climbing trees with his mates.. we didn't demand each others Birth Certificates.. we have the same hobbies, outlooks. My dks Adore him.hes only 13 years older than my oldest. Been together 37 years.. At almost 40, I had 18 year olds asking me out at work (nursing so not glamorous clothing) and my sexual partner before DH was 25,met at a hobby in the gym.

Thingsthatgo · 16/06/2026 09:19

Maybe they’re just having some fun together. I dated someone younger when I was in my 20s. We knew that we didn’t have a future together, but we were very attracted to each other, and we had a great time.

Delphiniumandlupins · 16/06/2026 09:19

You are obviously related to the 19 year old and have known them as a child. It's difficult for you to see them as an adult, particularly as an attractive adult. Another adult, meeting them for the first time, has got a very different impression.

feellikeanalien · 16/06/2026 09:19

So are all "age gap" relationships weird OP or is there an age when you think it becomes acceptable. What if one was 36 and the other was 28?

Sadcafe · 16/06/2026 09:19

Why is it weird, if they were 30 and 37 would you feel the same,

DdraigGoch · 16/06/2026 09:18

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

A blanket 3 years? So a 15 year old would be fine with a 12 year old, but a 25 year old shouldn't go near a 21 year old? That's silly.

The widely-accepted guideline for age gaps is to halve the elder partner's age and add seven. So this couple are only just outside of that.

It really depends upon the individuals though.

GreatOffWhiteFalcon · 16/06/2026 09:18

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

TikTok? There's all kinds if nonsense on there. I f you personally think it won't work out then fair enough.

PartiallyStars · 16/06/2026 09:17

I also don't think its that odd. When I was 19 or 20 at uni I was dating a 24 or 25 year old who had a job and a flat. I was 22 when I met 30 year old now DH, and 23 or 24 when we started dating.

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 16/06/2026 09:17

Katiesaidthat · 16/06/2026 09:13

😂well, good job they didn´t hear about my parents´ 11 year gap. Actually they were very well suited.

My parents had an 17 year age gap lol. I didn't mention that to them.
They weren't well suited at all TBF and divorced horribly after 10 years

Feralbookworm · 16/06/2026 09:15

I was 19 when I met my first proper boyfriend. He was 26. I can say with confidence I was ten times more mature than he was 😆😆

GreatOffWhiteFalcon · 16/06/2026 09:14

Not weird at all , they are both young. If one is a serial philanderer that is a problem, but would be at any age.

Katiesaidthat · 16/06/2026 09:13

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 16/06/2026 09:09

Nah, not really. They're both adults.

Americans apparently find this sort of thing super weird and get really het up about it.
I was once told on a Facebook group by a bunch of Americans that the "age gap" between me and my husband was weird, creepy etc etc.
We were 19 and 21. I didn't even know we had an "age gap" 🤣🤣🤣

😂well, good job they didn´t hear about my parents´ 11 year gap. Actually they were very well suited.

getupdostuffgotobed · 16/06/2026 09:13

My SIL was 16, nearly 17 when she started going out with my BIL who was 27/8 at the time.

Yes, it raised a few eyebrows. SIL is nearer in age to my DD.

But she was an old 16/7. He was a young 27/8. I worked. Still together, 2 children.

True quite a large age gap - but not unheard of.