AIBU for not giving my half siblings the same financial help?

She didn’t advertise it. Her sibling told their father, not OP.

I think you should have kept quiet and insisted your siblings keep quiet too about your donations.

Advertising it has created problems.

Why did you want people to know?

Sounds like your dad has a lot of money. He should be paying for the half sibling’s IVF.

Your dad and half siblings sound like a load of cash grabbers. I would say you’ve had a major financial setback and you have made agreements with the 2 siblings you gave money to, to pay it back to you on a monthly basis. Obviously don’t make them pay it back, just lie.

if you don’t smooth this over somehow, he might cut you out of his will. So I’d lie to smooth it over. I didn’t tell lies back in the day, but nearly 5 decades of life has taught me that lying is a useful tool/skill. The best lies are close to the truth. Have you any house issues that you can say cost a shit load? Major leak/roof shit

You can do what you want with your money. No one can demand anything from you.

Although I suspect you think less of the siblings you refer to as “half siblings”. I always think that’s an awful term.

I’m not surprised your dad thinks it will “change the family”. As all his kids are equal to him in his eyes.

You’ll just have to accept ‘it is what it is’ and that your “full” siblings are blabber mouths.

Took just have to apologise and say you can’t afford to give any more help to anyone. House deposits and fertility treatment are serious amounts of money. They can’t just be rustled up without consequence.

The way your dad & half siblings are behaving says it all! You are right not to want to give them a penny (nor are you obliged to). They see you as the cash cow.

I’ve read all your posts. I wouldn’t give them anything.
Their dad can step up and put his hands in his pockets.
Well done for helping your siblings.

You don't need to give money to anyone, but you have been quite naive not to expect this outcome. Money and family is always super fraught. It's a shame everyone didn't stay quiet.

'It should really have been their father who helped them out but you were always a deadbeat dad to the three of us so I had to step up to the job.'

Why should the half siblings expect OP to fund their deposits? How entitled is that!! Do they care about the relationship or Op’s money?

can none of them fund their own homes or treatments? It would never occur to me to ask my sibling for financial help? I have a very wealthy sibling in law and we never ask for anything. I think the half siblings are greedy, if they want family help they should ask their mum and dad first. You do with your money what your want and maybe your siblings need to be more discreet too.

Hell no don’t give money to half siblings. It wasn’t your choice DP got divorced or that DD had a new family. You may not even keep in touch with them after your DD dies. They all sound very grasping. Your siblings are with you for life.

Whether you want to even things up depends on how much money you have and how much of a relationship you want with your half-siblings for the rest of your life.

Would you want a relationship that you have to pay money for in order to have?!

I've read all your posts, OP. Under the circs - two very separate families - I am not surprised that you want to help your full siblings more than your half ones. I'm surprised that your half-siblings would expect the same, given that there are two very obviously separate factions.

Whether you want to even things up depends on how much money you have and how much of a relationship you want with your half-siblings for the rest of your life.

@ 99, great message.

WELL.
Knowing that my message would be : You can support your younger children dad, you’re pretty financially comfortable, spend the money you hid from cms so you didn’t have to pay maintenance for your older children, after all Jane and Bob are the children you gave everything to while we struggled and mum worked two jobs to keep us afloat. Ignoring my birthday is pathetic and I thought you’d gotten past the periods where you were a crap dad and didn’t see us and didn’t support us. My siblings and mum are my world because of those years.

To them and their dad tho, it's all about the money. They're measuring their relationship on what they can get from the OP. The OP has already said she helps them out in other sisterly ways as well as nice gifts.

Anyone with an ounce of sense would realise that half siblings are different. I bet they wouldn't give the OP money and I bet all of the fathers estate will go to the 2nd family's children, esp if the dad dies first.

The fact they are being shitty towards you tells me you did the right thing. Your money, your choice.

Your dad is the one who has behaved badly (for decades!) not you. If you have spare money, treat your lovely mum.

he must have hid money as he didn’t have to pay much in maintenance, pleaded poverty, yet he always had a very good lifestyle and was very successful. His other 2 kids got everything whilst he hardly paid anything for us and my mum worked 2 jobs as we got older to support us.

Why would you care what this creature thinks you should do with your money? He's completely immoral.

Yeah, I started reading your post thinking you could have handled things better - then got to the part where the younger two are hounding you for money and your dad's emotionally blackmailing you!

For that alone, they deserve to get a big fat nothing. Appalling behaviour, making it clear they don't care how much they hurt you as long as they get their hands on your cash.

I'm sorry, this must be upsetting for you.

Your dad and your half siblings should be embarrassed by their deeply unpleasant, grabby behaviour. Ignore the tantrums. You’ve done nothing wrong.

The only thing worth changing in future is keeping anything to do with money completely private.

Don't give them or your dad a penny!!!

I can be a bitch when I feel like it. If he raised it again I'd be very tempted to say you were giving your siblings the maintenance he didn't provide when he left your mother. His new children were well looked after and now you are doing that for the children he left behind.

@EveryoneIsAsleep it’s really awful what your dad has done, and I wonder if he has a hidden motive in all this, namely a ‘legitimate’ excuse to disinherit you from his estate, by saying he has every right to redress the balance by leaving his estate to them and not you,

Why? so that he doesn’t have to think about making a provision for you should he die before his new wife. Maybe he is worried about the grief he will get from her, especially if they are talking about wills just lately. His new wife may be objecting and demanding everything is left to her. He is maybe too weak, is looking for the easy way out, or his new wife runs rings around him, could that be it?

On the other hand, if his daughters need help it’s on him and not you, but he has already shown the kind of person he is. I’m guessing his new wife gets everything in his will and it then passes to her daughters, and he dubiously justifies it to himself because you chose to help your sisters.

Not a nice way to treat your daughters, whatever the reason, so sorry OP.