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AIBU?

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Update to AIBU to refuse Aunt's fwb claim on her estate.

756 replies

Sleepneededprettyplease · 07/04/2026 17:52

Posting here because it is where I put the first thread.

A brief summery is that my Aunt died and her FWB is trying to say that he is entitled to part of her estate because she had asked me to allow him to stay in a house she had invested in for me. Anyway if you want the full story feel free to read what I put on the first thread.

Anyway the main thing is that he is now sueing in the courts. I need a bit of a hand hold please. My lawyers have suggested getting a barristers opinion so I am just waiting for that. I wouldn't even mind if it was possible to just go to mediation but he wants the house for the rest of his life and won't consider anything else.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5505433-aibu-to-refuse-aunts-fwb-claim-on-her-estate?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

OP posts:
NoctuaAthene · 28/05/2026 13:04

SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 11:52

OP has said a few times that she thinks this is some kind of a friend of a friend.

Some people have charisma to spin a hard luck story that overrides objective professional judgement!

Just popping on to say this is absolutely correct. The people who think that no solicitor would ever encourage or assist someone to pursue an obviously futile claim are sadly naive and mistaken. Yes there are ethical codes meaning they can't actively mislead the court or lie to their client but there's a very big margin between that and writing some letters or submitting a claim that may not be strictly arguable or have a very low chance of success. And the same goes for the happy assumption that if OP is clearly on the right side of the law (according to MN verdict anyway) she can simply either take the law into her own hands and assert her rights by booting the man out of the house, sending him a bill for rent and/or that the court will swiftly and efficiently strike out the misconceived or vexatious claim without OP having to shell out for her own solicitors and legal advice - I wouldn't want to live in the world where the former is true i.e. people are allowed to act first and legally prove they were correct later, if the latter was true it would be great but that would require a well resourced and efficient modern lower tier court and tribunal system which tax payers seemingly are in no way prepared to fund...

I work in the HR/employment law field and it's incredibly common to receive letters and/or ET1 claims from solicitors for things that are totally and obviously misplaced/misconceived (e.g. unfair dismissal claims when the person doesn't have the requisite service), badly drafted (often obviously with the dubious assistance of ChatGPT), lacking particulars or vital information - just rubbish that isn't worth the paper really. But that doesn't absolve the employer of the requirement to respond and answer the case all the way through the various tiers of the court if necessary, all of which costs time, money and stress, no matter how clear cut the victory at the end is (and before you ask no it usually isn't possible to recover costs from the losing party no matter how badly they ran their case).

The solicitors that engage in this kind of thing tend to fall into two camps, one is the 'shark' firms who will happily charge a client a couple of hundred quid to send any old rambling toilet paper of a threatening letter to their (former) employer without bothering to advise them properly as to their actual prospects, sometimes this will spook the employer into coughing up a bit of cash, sometimes not but they still get paid by their client either way. Or, in some ways more dangerous, the 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' brigade, the friend of a friend or second cousin who took a law degree a decade ago or who practices in a totally different area of the law, who will aid and abet the aggrieved complainant all the way through a lengthy and ultimately futile process with bad advice and poor quality submissions - dangerous because while the sharks can usually be put off by either a robust and aggressive rebuttal or shelling out a modest sum to make them go away, the passionately misinformed party usually wants (perceived) justice to be done and won't settle for less than what they believe to be their full due, however unlikely that is to be delivered by the law... I wouldn't be surprised if the OP's chap and his solicitor are one of these and there's really nothing to be done but pay up for some good legal advice and then wait for the sloooowww machinery of the law to turn and do it's thing...

PinkEasterbunny · 28/05/2026 13:02

Great news about the IVF, OP

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:57

Liberancho · 28/05/2026 12:51

A low life grifter who is still at it at 86. Let's hope his end is nigh.

His lack of shame is astounding and I imagine this influences his levels of delusion too.

Terrible for you in the meantime though OP. Reading this, as well as your previous thread, has made me very angry.

Thank you. I think that I am past anger. I am just resigned.

OP posts:
Liberancho · 28/05/2026 12:51

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:34

No children. The chap is 86.

He has 7 from previous relationships but my Aunt was over 80 when they reconnected.

A low life grifter who is still at it at 86. Let's hope his end is nigh.

His lack of shame is astounding and I imagine this influences his levels of delusion too.

Terrible for you in the meantime though OP. Reading this, as well as your previous thread, has made me very angry.

Triskellion75 · 28/05/2026 12:43

DrMickhead · 28/05/2026 01:10

may I suggest you just ask the angry, menopausal/perimenopausal women who are too hot and bothered for this level of audacity right now to simply go the address and turn it into a scene from the handmaids tail? I think we’d have him scarpering like the vermin he is pretty quickly.

Count me in!

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:34

DontEatTheMushies · 28/05/2026 10:01

Just come across this - and I admit I have only read OPs posts.

What a situation. My OH friend had a similar situation - with is fathers gf after he died. They were only together like a year, and about 6months before he passed she and her kid (not the mans) moved in. He died quickly from Asbestosis. She laid claim to the house - and cos she had the kid she got it (despite the kid now being his!!). And the sons had to pay her legal costs. This was in Scotland.

Absolutely appalling.

No children. The chap is 86.

He has 7 from previous relationships but my Aunt was over 80 when they reconnected.

OP posts:
Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:30

BunnyLake · 28/05/2026 09:59

I don’t know about now, but 30 year’s ago I knew someone who had been renting a place for probably about ten years (maybe more). His landlady lived next door (it was a large house and she converted a piece into the flat he lived in). They had a very good relationship (not fwb, she was elderly and he did her shopping or garden etc when she couldn’t manage).

When she passed away the family ordered his eviction, but it turned out he had some pretty robust rights (I don’t know what they were). I do know they had to pay him a settlement to vacate, which he used as a deposit to buy his own property.

It could have been down to the length of time he was there. He wasn’t a CF or anything, it was all legally above board. Anyway as I say this was mid 90s (can’t believe that makes it 30 year’s ago) but there was obviously some tenant rights. He had a rent book though, and this was probably an important factor. Does this guy have a paper trail of paying rent, if not I doubt he’ll have a case.

No because he never paid any. Even the nominal amount he was meant to.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 11:52

PropertyD · 28/05/2026 11:37

What do you mean he is defering court costs? If he loses who is going to pay their bills and what solicitors would take on someone like this?

OP has said a few times that she thinks this is some kind of a friend of a friend.

Some people have charisma to spin a hard luck story that overrides objective professional judgement!

PropertyD · 28/05/2026 11:40

Problem is he ends up claiming he has no money if he loses. And the solicitor loses as well. Unless he is trying to claim his costs against the Aunt's estate as he isnt just a random trying his luck.

PropertyD · 28/05/2026 11:37

Sleepneededprettyplease · 07/04/2026 20:01

He is defering lawyer costs and court fees are a few hundred.

What do you mean he is defering court costs? If he loses who is going to pay their bills and what solicitors would take on someone like this?

QueenOfHiraeth · 28/05/2026 11:34

Slightly off topic but a male relative of mine got divorced. His ex-wife got one of these "no win no fee" lawyers and they kept demanding more and more for spousal maintenance, settlement, etc. refused all his very offers, dragging stuff on and they pushed the whole thing to the court and barristers point. It was chucked out very quickly and she was awarded £1 a year spousal maintenance
She did tell a friend later that she felt, with hindsight, the solicitors pushed her further than she should have gone because they were focussed on the fees they would get if he conceded under the pressure.
Hopefully your case will go the same way

LakieLady · 28/05/2026 11:33

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 10:25

Not necessary. I have a court order for possession but I just have to be careful so that I don't make things harder in the court case where he is trying to challenge her will.

Did he try and contest the possession proceedings, OP, or just ignore them?

Manicule · 28/05/2026 11:24

Just chipping in to add my sympathy @Sleepneededprettyplease.

Not an exactly analagous situation but re bailiffs and your worry about them - my DH let out his parents' property for some years after they died, and had no trouble with tenants until the proverbial one from hell appeared. A court-ordered eviction was eventually the only resort and bailiffs were needed to get him out.

Yes, it was long-winded and time-consuming, but largely a matter of processes and DH didn’t need to be physically there. In the event the tenant did a moonlight flit the day before eviction was due (leaving the place in a terrible state and lots of furniture behind, plus the discovery by then that he was a serial offender, but that’s by the bye).

But just to reassure you, if it comes to that point, it’s really not that scary. Another one here rooting for you all the way.

PrincessofWills · 28/05/2026 11:18

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 09:28

I have tried to do this but he seems determined to stay in the house for life. Something I am not willing to agree to.

Was it a Part 36 offer. It's important because it means he will become liable for your costs unless he is successful in getting over 8k in court.

BunnyLake · 28/05/2026 11:07

thecatneuterer · 28/05/2026 10:34

Pre 1989 all tenancies were assured tenancies - so creating sitting tenants who could only be evicted for failure to pay rent. They were lucky to be able to get rid of him at all.

I don’t think he wanted to be deliberately bloody minded about it. He accepted a settlement which he used as a deposit to buy a small property. He was aware of his rights though.

Steeleydan · 28/05/2026 10:59

Sleepneededprettyplease · 07/04/2026 18:27

I mean I will try and claim them but chances aren't great given he is pretty broke.

Who ever loses pays the other sides costs it could run into thousands

whitefluffydog · 28/05/2026 10:41

Anyway you don't have any control over the courts, don't worry, leave it to your lawyers and proceed with what is going on and that is that. If you don't want to deal with it, the man parts with a whole house for which repairs you might be legally obliged.

thecatneuterer · 28/05/2026 10:34

BunnyLake · 28/05/2026 09:59

I don’t know about now, but 30 year’s ago I knew someone who had been renting a place for probably about ten years (maybe more). His landlady lived next door (it was a large house and she converted a piece into the flat he lived in). They had a very good relationship (not fwb, she was elderly and he did her shopping or garden etc when she couldn’t manage).

When she passed away the family ordered his eviction, but it turned out he had some pretty robust rights (I don’t know what they were). I do know they had to pay him a settlement to vacate, which he used as a deposit to buy his own property.

It could have been down to the length of time he was there. He wasn’t a CF or anything, it was all legally above board. Anyway as I say this was mid 90s (can’t believe that makes it 30 year’s ago) but there was obviously some tenant rights. He had a rent book though, and this was probably an important factor. Does this guy have a paper trail of paying rent, if not I doubt he’ll have a case.

Pre 1989 all tenancies were assured tenancies - so creating sitting tenants who could only be evicted for failure to pay rent. They were lucky to be able to get rid of him at all.

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 10:25

Northermcharn · 28/05/2026 08:51

PS. you get him out properly by changing the locks and boarding it up whilst he's out, he'd be a squatter you see, as it's now your (and sisters) house. There are companies who do this for you. You only need to know when he's not in and they'll do it (in the UK). The law is fcked up and the squatters have civil rights and owners have none. So that would be necessary.

Not necessary. I have a court order for possession but I just have to be careful so that I don't make things harder in the court case where he is trying to challenge her will.

OP posts:
DontEatTheMushies · 28/05/2026 10:01

Just come across this - and I admit I have only read OPs posts.

What a situation. My OH friend had a similar situation - with is fathers gf after he died. They were only together like a year, and about 6months before he passed she and her kid (not the mans) moved in. He died quickly from Asbestosis. She laid claim to the house - and cos she had the kid she got it (despite the kid now being his!!). And the sons had to pay her legal costs. This was in Scotland.

Absolutely appalling.

BunnyLake · 28/05/2026 09:59

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 07:38

About 2 years. Closer to 3 now I suppose but I started trying to get him out around the 2 year point.

I don’t know about now, but 30 year’s ago I knew someone who had been renting a place for probably about ten years (maybe more). His landlady lived next door (it was a large house and she converted a piece into the flat he lived in). They had a very good relationship (not fwb, she was elderly and he did her shopping or garden etc when she couldn’t manage).

When she passed away the family ordered his eviction, but it turned out he had some pretty robust rights (I don’t know what they were). I do know they had to pay him a settlement to vacate, which he used as a deposit to buy his own property.

It could have been down to the length of time he was there. He wasn’t a CF or anything, it was all legally above board. Anyway as I say this was mid 90s (can’t believe that makes it 30 year’s ago) but there was obviously some tenant rights. He had a rent book though, and this was probably an important factor. Does this guy have a paper trail of paying rent, if not I doubt he’ll have a case.

YourOliveBalonz · 28/05/2026 09:40

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 09:13

  • whether he was one of the friends she left a smaller gift to in the will
no gift In the will. He isn't mentioned. It is an old will predating when they reconnected.
  • when the will was last updated
Ages ago. Probably more than 20 years. It has provision in case I couldn't be executor if I was under 18. I am now in my 30's.
  • if she had time to update the will if she wanted (I.e. did she know she was life-threateningly ill in the months before her death)
Yes Plenty of time. She knew she was seriously ill for about 6 months. We hoped that she would be able to have an operation but it turned out to not be possible. She knew this and the fact it was probably weeks, months if we were lucky, about 6 weeks before her death. She lost capacity to make those sort of decisions maybe 2 days before her death. She discussed many things in that time with me. He visited her at my house a bit. She made no mention of providing for him, changing her will or anything else. She did say it was nice of him to visit.

Perhaps it won’t even get to the point where anything needs to be argued, but the fact she didn’t pass suddenly and had the opportunity to make provision for him if she wanted - but then didn’t - speaks volumes. It must weaken the case of contesting the will.

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 09:28

LondonPapa · 28/05/2026 09:17

Rather than a case, they feel they’ve found their cash cow.

Good luck come the hearing. I’m sure with everything you’ve posted and how clear it is, the CF gets chucked out on his arse and finds himself liable for the legal bills he cannot afford. Sweet poetic justice!

That would be amazing.

OP posts:
Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 09:28

PrincessofWills · 28/05/2026 09:04

It might be a lot more sensible to pay him off. Litigation is very expensive. I'd offer £8k Part 36 and take it from there.

I have tried to do this but he seems determined to stay in the house for life. Something I am not willing to agree to.

OP posts:
LondonPapa · 28/05/2026 09:17

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 08:44

I suppose I just worry about the fact their solicitors are doing this. They must feel they have a case.

Rather than a case, they feel they’ve found their cash cow.

Good luck come the hearing. I’m sure with everything you’ve posted and how clear it is, the CF gets chucked out on his arse and finds himself liable for the legal bills he cannot afford. Sweet poetic justice!