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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lying about facebook

33 replies

Moominsarerealok · 06/04/2024 23:52

I just want to get people's thoughts on this. I'm twice married, first husband was pretty how do I put it. Eh, deceitful and made me quite paranoid, he worked away and left me with the kids constantly, moved me away to a different place then fucked off to work knowing that I was left to deal with the kids.. That was hard, but, to the point, he said time and time again he wasn't on social media, don't go on, I'm no, he was and chatting to other women. Well I've just found out last 2 weeks my now husband is on social media and maybe not doing the same but he never told me and I feel like I've been lied to, he said he deleted it and just now I found out he's still on it, I feel the floodgates open and all the lies and I feel sick because ex done this to me, he can't see this is wrong, what do I do? Am I unreasonable??? 😭

OP posts:
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BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 12:33

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:25

What do you think your man would say if you confronted him?

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How is this an answer?

MrsClatterbuck · 07/04/2024 02:06

Maybe have this moved to the relationship board where you will get good advice and empathy.

suki1964 · 07/04/2024 01:04

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:33

Yes.

I'm really sorry, I shouldn't of taken my worry and stuff and posted it, I should of waited and spoken to someone on the morning. Thanks for the really nice people though. Xx

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Dont apologise for seeking help, I replied as I did because your post wasnt clear at all

So THIS husband is sexting other women?

Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:33

Dweetfidilove · 07/04/2024 00:29

So this is not about a lie around permission to have a FB account, but an issued of a cheating husband, yes?

Yes.

I'm really sorry, I shouldn't of taken my worry and stuff and posted it, I should of waited and spoken to someone on the morning. Thanks for the really nice people though. Xx

OP posts:
brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 07/04/2024 00:30

Maybe he’s a bit embarrassed as FB is a very
uncool thing for elderly people to enjoy.

Dweetfidilove · 07/04/2024 00:29

So this is not about a lie around permission to have a FB account, but an issued of a cheating husband, yes?

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 07/04/2024 00:28

You said he's maybe not doing the same thing, and through the course of this short thread you've decided that he definitely is .and you've seen it.

I think PPs advice of hiding this thread and talking to someone irl is good.

This thread is clearly fuelling your paranoia.

MummySam2017 · 07/04/2024 00:26

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:20

I have tried that, I really have but he gets defensive and that makes me wonder even more!! Xx

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OP, I say this with kindness, I really don’t think you’re going to get the support you need on here. It might be best to hide the thread and call someone, maybe a friend or family member. Bear in mind, people don’t know you on here and AIBU is quite straight talking. I get the sense you’re feeling quite vulnerable as upthread you’ve asked how to take this post down, so perhaps turn to some real life support and take care of yourself x

Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:25

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:22

And what did he say when you confronted him about all these notifications you've read?

What do you think your man would say if you confronted him?

OP posts:
BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:22

And what did he say when you confronted him about all these notifications you've read?

Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:22

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:21

Haha, no I haven't, screen notifications!!

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Thanks for that though, it made me laugh. Needed a laugh a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:21

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:20

So you've hacked his FB account?

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Haha, no I haven't, screen notifications!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:20

MummySam2017 · 07/04/2024 00:17

I appreciate that probably feels shitty because of what happened previously with your ex-husband. It’s really tough when our past triggers us in the present. However, just to offer some perspective, there’s so many reasons he could have re activated his account. Although I understand you’re honing in on the one aspect that carries the most risk for your relationship, if you trust him in every other way, I’d let it be.

If you do have further concerns about trust in general, it’s best to talk to him in an open way x

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I have tried that, I really have but he gets defensive and that makes me wonder even more!! Xx

OP posts:
BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:20

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:19

Yes he is, we used to be so open like.. Yeah just use my phone to call whoever, yeah Google this on my phone it's just there. He stopped all this with his, passwords changed, I never even thought because I had no reason with him to think this. Now I'm like fucking hell!! Xx

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So you've hacked his FB account?

Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:19

Universalsnail · 07/04/2024 00:14

So is your husband talking to other women sexually? I can't tell if he is doing this or if you are projecting your previous trauma at what is an innocent thing. Your husband doesn't have to tell you what social media accounts he uses. Obviously though if he is talking sexually to other women that is a problem and wrong and you should leave him.

Yes he is, we used to be so open like.. Yeah just use my phone to call whoever, yeah Google this on my phone it's just there. He stopped all this with his, passwords changed, I never even thought because I had no reason with him to think this. Now I'm like fucking hell!! Xx

OP posts:
MummySam2017 · 07/04/2024 00:17

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:02

He deactivated it years ago, but reactivated it recently maybe 2/3 months ago without mentioning to me. If we had a talk about it then we could of worked round my feelings but no chat, nothing, it felt quite horrible to me xx

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I appreciate that probably feels shitty because of what happened previously with your ex-husband. It’s really tough when our past triggers us in the present. However, just to offer some perspective, there’s so many reasons he could have re activated his account. Although I understand you’re honing in on the one aspect that carries the most risk for your relationship, if you trust him in every other way, I’d let it be.

If you do have further concerns about trust in general, it’s best to talk to him in an open way x

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:16

How do you know he's sex chatting with other women?

Has he given you his password?

betterangels · 07/04/2024 00:16

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:13

Sorry, I'm not used to posting in this for help really, crossed wires, I'm sorry. He's probably upstairs talking to someone on the phone 😭🥺. Can you tell me how to delete this post please? Wish I just kept this to myself now TBH xx

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Report it and ask for it to be removed. There's a report button on your post. I'll do the same and tell them you've asked.

Universalsnail · 07/04/2024 00:14

So is your husband talking to other women sexually? I can't tell if he is doing this or if you are projecting your previous trauma at what is an innocent thing. Your husband doesn't have to tell you what social media accounts he uses. Obviously though if he is talking sexually to other women that is a problem and wrong and you should leave him.

Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:13

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:10

Well I'm sorry you didn't post this crucial information in the first place 🤷‍♂️

Why didn't you mention this is what your current husband is doing?

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Sorry, I'm not used to posting in this for help really, crossed wires, I'm sorry. He's probably upstairs talking to someone on the phone 😭🥺. Can you tell me how to delete this post please? Wish I just kept this to myself now TBH xx

OP posts:
betterangels · 07/04/2024 00:12

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:09

I guess you all would be OK with your husband talking great memories with exes and stuff and speaking to other women sexually? Sorry I actually posted this, I really am.

We're not mind readers.

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 00:10

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:09

I guess you all would be OK with your husband talking great memories with exes and stuff and speaking to other women sexually? Sorry I actually posted this, I really am.

Well I'm sorry you didn't post this crucial information in the first place 🤷‍♂️

Why didn't you mention this is what your current husband is doing?

Original poster
Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:09

I guess you all would be OK with your husband talking great memories with exes and stuff and speaking to other women sexually? Sorry I actually posted this, I really am.

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 07/04/2024 00:06

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:02

He deactivated it years ago, but reactivated it recently maybe 2/3 months ago without mentioning to me. If we had a talk about it then we could of worked round my feelings but no chat, nothing, it felt quite horrible to me xx

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You seem to think its a joint decision as to whether he has social media. Its not.

JennyTalworts · 07/04/2024 00:05

Moominsarerealok · 07/04/2024 00:02

He deactivated it years ago, but reactivated it recently maybe 2/3 months ago without mentioning to me. If we had a talk about it then we could of worked round my feelings but no chat, nothing, it felt quite horrible to me xx

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Talk around your feelings?

Like a PP said, your husband isn't responsible for your ex's behaviour.

There is no conversation to be had here imo.