To think this is an awful way to break news

Unacceptable behaviour in the beginning, sympathy for the way you have been treated.

'Can we have a call about the overseas property at the weekend please' or similar would have been appropriate.

@LetMeInYourWindowohohohoh i know you said the discussion wasn’t about POAs, but it might be time to talk about them with the medical history of your DF.

That's how I'd have taken it.

And as a chronic anxiety sufferer I know it would still have made me anxious just because of the 'unknown' but would have felt reassured by the statement 'no-one is dying' and the lack of urgency on the part of DM is was likely it was all okay.

I don't think the DM was manipulative on this occasion or in the wrong but clearly the OP has all the history so it felt different to her.

I get that, absolutely, and why it would have been your first worry, but your mother had specified ‘no one was dying’, and when she didn’t want to discuss it there and then because she was going to bed and refused another time because of going out to dinner, surely that was a fairly clear signal that it wasn’t health-related?

But, it depends on how it's viewed. The OPs mum was giving the news that a holiday home was being sold, one that probably holds a great deal of memories of previous visits. It's being sold due to her and her husband coming to terms with their own future and she may be feelinga great deal of loss and fear about the future, the only implication is that its important to her, and this to her is an issue. My point was about empathy with the bearer of the news, and not the recipient and the news is subjective, the OP may feel that its nothing, but clearly the mum does. It's unfair to completely disregard her feelings and to suggest that she is being manipulative on purpose.

I’m sorry about the way you were treated when your DM was dying. That’s obviously wrong and your aunt should have been more understanding.

The issue here is that this wasn’t bad news. The OP’s mother caused 3 days of worry and upset in regard to not particularly important information it turned out her DF had casually mentioned in passing to her DB already.

Deliberately implying there is a major issue when there isn’t in order to feel important / be the centre of attention / deliberately cause upset (or whatever reason the OP’s mother had) is a completely different issue to how actual bad news should be passed on.

There was a thread on here last week complaining that news had been given over a text, I've been in the position of having to break bad news and there doesn't seem to be a correct way. Maybe, a little empathy for the one tasked with breaking news wouldn't go amiss.

15 years later, the words of my aunt still haunt and anger me, that I gave her the news of my mums imminent death harshly... There was zero consideration that I was rocked to the very core, in freefall and trying to accommodate my dad, my kids, everyone else whilst trying to process the news myself.

Maddy the OP has updated about what it was.

OP I'm sorry, that's so manipulative of your mum. Keep those boundaries up

Why do think its bad news? Probably wants to sort out wills or something
And she needs you all together

From the update, it sounds like a sensible plan, but in this family there would probably have been an email or WhatsApp all round. No need for the drama and needlessly worrying people.

Plastic Ono - it's the mother who is being over dramatic. Why ring in the first place ? The news isn't even important to the OP and her DB, especially as the DB already knew. Seriously time to go LC

Honestly, you and your mother both sound rather melodramatic. She said specifically no one was dying, refused to discuss it there and then because she was going to bed, or another night because she had plans — none of this suggests any big deal, and yet you’re making a huge meal of it all.

Funny how she could pick up on that OP but not the fact she caused you and your DB so much worry. Sounds like your mother is the drama queen not your husband as someone previously said.

Oh good grief.

This was manipulative. I agree with PPs about detaching and reinforcing boundaries.

Yanbu OP. Your mother sounds rather lacking in emotional intelligence (of COURSE anyone would worry it's health related!!) as well as being manipulative and self important. Keep those boundaries firmly in place, maybe even ramp them up a notch or two? Your parents seem very enmeshed in your lives considering you had a traumatic childhood. I'm sure you would feel less anxious if you detatched quite a bit more. Make a strongly conscious effort to spend less time with them, speaking to them, thinking about them.

OP, really glad it’s not horrendous news.

What an odd way to deliver the news and knowing your DB was changing plans to facilitate the call it does seem manipulative.

I wonder if she had actually thought you’d both be upset and want to put a stop to the sale maybe? Could it be that she’s against the idea of selling and was hoping you may be too?

Either way, in future you’ll know that these types of antics are to be ignored. It looks very much like a reaction to your boundary setting so I’d take it you have actually done a really good job elsewhere.

@LetMeInYourWindowohohohoh eugh. My best mates mum is like this. Shes even been know to turn up at her work and demand she leaves with her immediately, and then drives around to find her sisters and sits them down all dramatically and tells them she's getting a new car or something.

I'm sorry, OP. Keep your boundaries in place and step back from them. I have sympathy. It can be so difficult.