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Original poster

To say absolutely no way

61 replies

mamamamaa · 06/04/2024 13:18

I have a friend I've known since university, I'll call her Emma, me and Emma have a really good relationship and her oldest DS is a year older than my oldest DS (eight and seven), she also has a younger son who's three and I have a daughter who is one. Around 6 months ago I agreed that both of her children can come for asleep over at my house as DS gets on really well with them. I was apprehensive as DD was only small but I thought it would be nice for my son to have something after my daughter having the attention for the past six or so months. Chaos ensued after the children were put to bed they were screaming banging and jumping on the beds and not quitening down when me and DH asked them to we that wake the baby and that we have neighbours who don't want to hear their screeching. After around 3 times DH went in and said that this was their final chance and if they didn't quite down X and y couldn't come for a sleepover ever again. This did the trick for DS and he calmed down and went to sleep about half an hour after DH went in. However Emma's children persisted screaming, shouting, banging to the point where they woke DD ( her rooms next door) I removed them into the spare room so DS and DS wasn't disturbed and no more of his toys got broken (which had happened earlier in the evening). When I put them in the spare room I told him that this was their last chance it was now 11 o'clock and if they didn't go to sleep I would call their mom to which the children said no! Mummy will shout', it quietened down a little, however there was still shouting, when I went In for the final time i discovered Enmas children had pulled one of my pot plants out and there was soil all over the floor and had pulled a picture down so I ended up taking the children home at half 11 at night. I was very explicit in saying Emma's children would not be welcome to sleep over again.
Fast forward to this morning me Emma and the children all met up at the park, in spite of this DS and Emma's children still have a really good friendship and they were playing together and DS came over to me and Emma and asked if X and y could sleep over again I said absolutely not due to the shenanigans that happened last time, I explained to DS that I know I knew that it wasn't his fault because he went to sleep and was a good boy but they're not staying over again because their behavior was unacceptable. Went home and I got a text from Emma saying the the way I spoke about her children was unacceptable and that she was very upset with me. I've spoken to DH he doesn't think that I've done anything wrong all I've done is stated fact. But I'm in the dog house with Emma for not acknowledging her children as perfect angels. Was I unreasonable to say no and explain why to DS?

OP posts:
Fedupwithitx · 06/04/2024 13:29

You really didn't need to put it the way you did, it sounds like you enjoyed boasting about your own DC, and in the same sentence bad mouthing hers.
Almost very condescending also.
I would definitely apologise, and think before you speak next time

cheddercherry · 06/04/2024 13:29

No need to ham it up again in front of the kids that your kids were behaved and hers were feral. You explained when you dropped them off why they were sent home, she knows why too. No need to outline it again today when you could have just said no - it’s the type of think kids cling on to “ my mummy says you’re naughty” and it’s obviously embarrassing to your friends. Plus what kid wants to be told off again and called naughty for something that happened ages ago like that’s all they are, some naughty child leading yours astray? It was one time, you sorted it, move on. It is just unnecessary all round to bring it up again in front of the kids

But I think you were both unrealistic to expect a three year old to stay over and be calm and act like 7/8 year olds so. It surprised it was madness.

Heronwatcher · 06/04/2024 13:26

I think you went over the top- I’d have said something like, sorry no as it didn’t really work last time, I think X and Y find it difficult to sleep at our house, why don’t they come over for tea instead?. I can see why she’d be a bit put out TBH.

In my opinion they were much too young for a sleep over the first time too- I think it was bad judgement on your part more than anything else. My kids would have probably been a nightmare at that age too.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/04/2024 13:25

I would have told Emma at the time of the sleepover so that she was in no doubt that it wouldn’t be happening again.

If you really said all that about her kids being awful but yours being great in front of them all, that was really unnecessary. Why mention your child at all then??

Emma and asked if X and y could sleep over again

I don’t get why she asked you again? Why doesn’t she host a sleepover at her house if she’s so keen? I have never been asked by someone if their kids could sleep at my house, that isn’t how it works!

Medschoolmum · 06/04/2024 13:23

Yeah, I think you were unreasonable and rude, sorry. Fine to say no to any more sleepovers, but totally inappropriate to say what you said. The friendship may not recover.

FWIW, I think you were being unreasonable to expect a 3yo to cope with a sleepover anyway, it's far too young imho.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/04/2024 13:23

I also would have told Emma at the time, but would have said it again in front of her as you did.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/04/2024 13:22

Oh well, maybe Emma should realise that their behaviour needs to be dealt with, and not by shouting. I do find that children whose parents shout at them, and are overly strict, are a nightmare to control when they’re away from that parent. They just look at you blankly when you tell them not to do something and why.

I might relent after a longer period has passed and have just the older one if your DS really wants but never both again.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 06/04/2024 13:22

You really shouldn't have spoken about them like that in front of her, no.

A simple "not tonight" would have done without the "you were a perfect little sweetheart and they were awful" lecture.

protectthesmallones · 06/04/2024 13:22

I would have said, sorry I didn't cope well with the sleepover. Let's revisit this when they are all a bit older. And left it at that.

She knows they are badly behaved as you returned them home. And you didn't cope (who would!) with them sleeping over. But this way it's kinder and would preserve a friendship.

DinaofCloud9 · 06/04/2024 13:21

You're not in the doghouse with Emma for "not acknowledging her children as perfect angels" though are you?

You've made your own child out to be the perfect angel. Which is highly doubt is true.

That's why she's upset and you know it.

IfIwasrude · 06/04/2024 13:21

It was unnecessary to talk about how he was a good boy etc.. Time to use some tact and let it go.