To say absolutely no way

Other than saying your son was a good boy (he clearly wasn't to begin with) then you were just being factual so she can't really complain unless she thinks that emptying plant pots all over the floor and taking pictures off the wall is acceptable?!?!

This must be a reverse. You can't be that stupid. They're children staying at a house for the first time. Fair enough if you're not willing to do it again but the way you spoke about them was awful. Why didn't you stay with them, put the tv on, read to them?

The other possibility that has just crossed my mind is that this might actually be a reverse, and the OP may actually be "Emma". Just a thought.

It obviously would have been completely fine if you had said 'you know that isn't going to be allowed after last time DS.' Nothing more needed saying.

If I'm reading this right your son was also banging and screeching and it took three goes to get him to be quiet, so he was hardly a perfect angel himself.

I'm afraid you were very tactless and rude. By all means have a quiet chat with Emma about the fact that her children were very disruptive, and perhaps no more sleepovers until they're a bit older. It wouldn't even be terrible to speak to your child (separately, alone) about why that sort of behaviour isn't ok (because come on, your kid was joining in with the tomfoolery up to a point). But you shouldn't have spoken like that about her children to your child while she was sat right there. It's really inappropriate and comes across smug and holier-than-thou.

You owe Emma an apology. There was a way to handle this situation with tact and you did not do that.

Wow.
You are a pretty awful friend to do that tbh.

I said absolutely not due to the shenanigans that happened last time, I explained to DS that I know I knew that it wasn't his fault because he went to sleep and was a good boy but they're not staying over again because their behavior was unacceptable.

That’s just rude, to be honest. You could have just said, no-I’m not ready for another sleepover!

Then later, at home, explain to your son why you said that and ask him to ask for sleepovers in front of them again!

I don’t think it was kind to talk about her DC like that in front of her; your DC was part of the situation escalating to the point it did and he was able to settle because he was in his house with his parents; a big difference to her children.
I’m surprised you didn’t just sit with her kids until they fell asleep last time as they were clearly very heightened

I don't allow sleepovers but if I did and if I was Emma, I wouldn't speak to you again after saying that. The fact that it's accurate is neither here nor there. What you said was hurtful

Apologies, I misread!

In that case, you were being rude, OP-there was no need to say that.

@mamamamaa what did you say to Emma the morning after the sleepover?

Aah, the old sleepover perils. I wouldn’t have had the three year old. The other two boys may have played nicely without him there. I’ve had many a room wrecked by little kids. A lot of the time mothers don’t like to think their child can be so destructive but they are. Maybe you shouldn’t have compared the behaviour in front of the mum tho

Whilst yes, you did state the fact that her children were a nightmare during the last attempt at a sleepover, she knows this, and I don’t think you had to spell it out to her again, whilst praising your own ds. If you wanted to do that you could have said it later when it was just your DS around to explain to him you were proud that he went to sleep but the others didn’t.

A simple, “no, it didn’t go very well last time so I don’t think we’re ready for sleepovers yet, we’ll arrange another play date soon though” would have been fine.

I can’t believe you had her 3yo for the sleepover too though! That seems very young for a “fun” sleepover.

You are not in the dog house for not saying her children are angels, you are in the dog house for being bloody rude. Do you not know anything about people? A simple "no" to your son would have sufficed. No further explanation was necessary unless you really meant to hurt, embarrass and shame her.

You were unnecessarily smug. No wonder she is annoyed. All you had to say was: "No sorry last time didn't work, but we can try again when you are older."

Very unreasonable to speak about other children like that in front of dc - oh it wasn’t you darling (who was in your own home, own bed, own parents, own bedtime routine etc etc therefore with favourable conditions to go to sleep) it was those other nasty children (who were in a different place, different routine, not their parents ie set up to fail). Not a positive way to raise your dc.

A bit unreasonable in the way you handled the sleepover too imo, once you could see they weren’t settling why didn’t you or dh just sit in there with them until they went to sleep. Children never sleep as well away from home & 3 is very little.

You haven’t been very nice about the whole thing. No wonder Emma is feeling a bit hurt.

I'm guessing that the OP thought she was doing a nice thing by hosting both of the children. And to be fair, her friend allowed both of them to go to the sleepover for some reason.

As things transpired, it emerged that the OP and her DH didn't have the skills to manage the situation effectively, so the plan had to be aborted. Fair enough, but the intentions were probably good.

The really unfortunate bit is the conversation in the park. It's hardly surprising that Emma is fuming, but the fact that the OP has posted the thread here suggests that her comments reflect a lack of self awareness rather than any intentional malice.

Have you and Emma ever spoken about the sleepover?

Not at all unreasonable to not host another sleepover, but completely unreasonable to speak to your ds about her children like that. "Maybe some other time" etc would have been fine

I don’t understand why the three year old was there.

The older two are the right age to be friends but would they really have any interest in a 3 year old?

Look, OP, you're probably going to get your arse handed to you on a plate on this thread. Not a pleasant experience and probably not the reaction that your were expecting, but hopefully you will be able to learn from it.

If you take it on the chin, reflect on why Emma is upset and apologise profusely, you may still be able to salvage the friendship.

Good luck!

That was a very nasty thing to say OP. Comparing the children to your DS was wrong especially to him and In front of your friend.

very easy to say to them no sleepover due to the misbehaving last time.

YABU. Emma's dc are a bit young for a sleepover and it didn't work out last time. You just needed to tell your son that rather than talk about Emma's children like they were the villains of the piece in front of them. Hurtful for them and their mum and completely unnecessary in the circumstances.

You probably went over the top a bit and the big mistake was having her 3yo. Why would you do that. Even 7 and 8 is too young imo. Sleepovers were always horrific here, hyped up manic DC and hers doing that to your plant etc is unforgivable.

If you don't want to be friends with her, of course you can slag her children off in front of her...

A simple 'no sleepovers tonight because of what happened last time' would have been more than enough.

The children are all still very young. What were you expecting!?

I hope your children don't ever act up!

It was the OP's DS who asked.