To end my relationship for the sake of my daughter?

@Samcro7

Have you managed to save since he is pushing the provider role? Will this help you leave?

Though that was more a thing in the past, and still has a nice element to it, to be provided for it, despite him saying he wants to be that person, then he shouldn't be acting in this way.
That to me with the other ways in which he behaves, sounds like he wants to be in control. Also leaving you vulnerable! Because then if you didn't work for example you would be reliant on him.

To be honest he may have been your childhood friend etc, but I feel it's like he's almost taken advantage of what he knows about you, and was nice through that time, and is now acting up because he knows he can.

He's not your safe space he's getting angry, and also not nice to your daughter.
And if it's been like this since however far back, it will also not get any better.

I've always wondered how it would be if I had a long term partner that you can't expect them to be around and be involved but not have a say or put a foot wrong, but that it is a complicated situation and set up for quite a few I think.
Because whether a child has their real father around or not, and they become like a step father, how do you stop things from crossing the line.

I've seen and heard mothers behave in all sorts of ways to keep the man on board, don't be one of them!

How is he your safe place if he clams up and gets angry easily? And doesn’t sound like he respects you

why are your standards so low?

Glad you left him. He sounds controlling and a bully to your daughter.

I imagine it will take him some time to get out of your life as he won't want to have to train some other woman up to replace you as his possession. He'd rather wheedle his way back in with comments about how much you've hurt him and how could you do this when he's tried so hard and sacrificed so much yada yada.

Keep on with the dumping him whatever he says. He's not the nice guy he thinks he is.

You are strong Samcro, you've survived on your own before with your daughter and you can do it again - regardless of how he makes you feel. Maybe it's worth speaking to women's aid as you've identified control issues as well as anger. Good luck

He doesn’t WANT to fix the problem. He is controlling, manipulative, engulfing/giving, abusive, pushes his charity on you and makes you afraid that he will exhaust himself and threatens to abandon you all while refusing to give you space and accusing you of wanting to leave him.

He doesn’t have a problem with this behavior. You do but he doesn’t so he will NEVER engage in mutual problem solving.

He is abusing you and you have an unhealthy attachment to him. Get help and get out.

Sounds like he wants to provide material things and in return you should be grateful, a housekeeper, and you and DD should toe the line.

Sounds domineering and Victorian.

Like PP I don’t understand how he can be your safe place if he’s like this.

OP, I think deep down you already know your decision and just need the confidence to listen to your inner voice. You say your child and him have a great relationship but he's very harsh on them. You say he provides for you both but you work nearly full time and are expected to be a housewife. You say he's your safe place but he gets really angry and you don't want to live like this anymore. You also just want a happy home. I honestly think deep down, ignoring all the fear about being single (and I'm not trying to minimise your fear), you know what's best for you and your child.

All this drama and you haven't even been together for 2 years.
He seems to resent you coz of money so maybe he needs to move out and if you want to see him away from your family life then you can but he doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for your child.

You should separate the 2 for now and see if you want him without all the drama.

You are.
So what are you going to do ?

This doesn’t sound good at all.

He is not your safe space, you just feel a connection to him because of your childhood experiences. Feeling a connection doesn't automatically make someone a good partner, and your attitude makes you sound very dependent on him, which is also an unhealthy basis for a relationship. Above all, your child deserves better.

We were best friends all our lives and I had a very unhappy childhood

Now your daughter will, too. That's the legacy you're creating.

Don't let him 'provide' for you and your daughter, that puts you on a wrong foot and transfers power to him which he should never have. He doesn't sound a good sort of partner and I think your instinct to end it is the right one.

It would have been the right instinct a while ago too by the sounds of it.

Being scared to be alone is the surest way to make poor relationship choices.

You’ve been with him two years too long in my opinion. Protect your child. I grew up with this kind of behaviour when DM got together with someone when I was early teens, that damage has lasted my whole life, even though they haven’t been together for decades now.
Your poor 4 year old doesn’t deserve to live like that.

Best friends don’t make you feel like this.

Best friends don’t treat you the way he is treating you. The way he talks to you it sounds like he thinks he’s come along and saved the 2 of you, and he’s not letting you forget it.

Moaning about what he’s ’given up’ to be with you? Rather than recognising it as a gain? Pfft! How insulting. Tell him to go sow his oats. You don’t need this man in your life and your child definitely doesn’t.

I love this man, he's my best friend and my safe place

How can this be true when his behaviour is significantly harsh towards your daughter that you are considering leaving him.

Stop the cognitive dissonance. He’s not safe or nice.