To end my relationship for the sake of my daughter?

🤢 seriously? You need to work on your self esteem AND self control, OP. That’s ridiculous

Tf is wrong with you? He’s holding all this help he provides over your head and you’re asking for advice? If the relationship is hit or miss, why are you sticking around?

Please be strong and do the right think for you daughter. She is an innocent 4 year old. His behaviour to her is not going to get any better as she gets older. Be strong. You can do this. You don't need a man like that in your life.

He’s an abusive piece of shit. Throw him out, keep up the therapy and learn how to be alone before launching into another abusive relationship at your daughters expense. Break the cycle. Protect your daughter.

call the police to remove him from your home if he doesn't go willingly. please stay safe, this man is highly manipulative and abusive to you both.

Do you have any family or friends who can come and be with you for a bit while he leaves?

please stop telling yourself he loves you and your child, he doesn't. he only wants to control you and your lives.

Absolutely get rid and do the freedom programme.

So as long as you feel "safe" it doesn't matter that your daughter does not?

Child abuse cases so often involve stepparents. You say he 'loves' your child but from my viewpoint, he's only been with you two years and the child is only four and not his. Please slow down on this relationship, I don't believe he loves your child, sorry, and you shouldn't be living together.

Good advice.

She does need to put her child first.

She chooses her child's situation...it certainly isn't a safe one.

Why oh why would you stay with this man. I never understand why women put men before themselves and especially why they put a man before their children. For goodness sake put your child first and end this relationship. You are an adult and you have a responsibility to care for another little human being. You do not love this man at all or you would not have written here to complain about it.

Your living in the past OP. He made you feel safe when you were young and having terrible times at home, but he's NOT that boy now. He's all grown up and has issues of his own that are making your child feel like you used to.

Protect your child and end this abusive relationship. Because it is. You aren't seeing him as he is now.

Perhaps he needs to explore why he feels the need to be your provider & saviour rather than an equal partner. Why does he need you to be in his debt and gratefull for his 'sacrifices'? Is it just a control thing or is he repeating a pattern he saw growing up? Perhaps he might also benefit from speaking to someone.

@Samcro7 - sorry you had a very unhappy childhood. You need to be able to be single for a while and provide for yourself and your daughter. Otherwise, you’ll make bad relationship choices.

Sounds like you have a pattern of being attracted to angry men - sorry Op it must be tough when this guy is an old friend. but quick to anger - very very dangerous quality in a man.

Free yourself for you and your child sake and live in peace

You're getting a lot of tough love here OP - I fully agree with pp that this man needs to go, immediately. But don't be too harsh on yourself- it sounds like you have deep ties to him from childhood when he was a friend to you during a very difficult time. So it makes sense that you initially saw him as a 'safe place' and it's hard to now be realising that he's yet another toxic person in your life/your dd's life when you thought you had found a happy ending. I feel for you OP, I think you're very strong, you've left a bad relationship already for the sake of your child and you can do it again. Your happy ending is still out there

He's being harsh with your little 4 year old girl and you have to ask if you should end the relationship? Yes, of course you should. He sounds like he's controlling when it comes finances and you sounds nervous about his angry reaction to any discussion. This is a big red flag.

Finally, he feels the need to remind you of all that he has given up to be with you. What exactly does he think he's given up?

OP I think you know what you have to do here. Don't stay with him because you're afraid to be on your own. You will be ok, you need to concentrate on working through things in therapy including why you are choosing abusive controlling partners. I'm so sorry to hear about your awful childhood 💐 give yourself the time and freedom to heal.

As a mother if you have to ask this question, you need to end the relationship

Does he support you financially? That doesn't seem right if you are also working full time. I wouldn't give up my independence if I were in your shoes. But nothing about your situation sounds positive. He thinks he can control the household because he views himself as the "provider" (yuck BTW), also seems to think he is exempt from housework for the same reason. And above all, your child could be damaged by living in a household with someone who treats her harshly.

It could be that your childhood experiences have caused you to seek out chaos and stress and dysfunction. It may feel safe and comfortable to you, because that is what you were raised to accept. But that doesn't mean he represents a safe place. Quite the opposite. I have no idea if this interpretation will ring true for you, but it is common for people to unconsciously repeat childhood patterns in their adult lives.

He might be your safe place but he's not your daughter's safe place. End it.

This guy is raising a lot of red flags for me. If he's showing controlling aspects just 2 years into a relationship it's only ever going to get worse.

End it for your daughter's sake.

But I'm still hurting her.

The worst thing here is............... you know what you are doing.

So do something about it.

This. 😔

Your child relies on you to provide her safe space.

If someone’s awful to your child you need to run. Think of Arthur and Star, people can resent that the child isn’t theirs and cause serious damage.

Don't end it for your daughter. End it for yourself .

End it

He does not love you and is using you for free lodgings, catering, housekeeping and sex.

You're suffering from nostalgia from a time when you were scared and vulnerable but certainly not safe. No point in picking over the past. It's gone. What you need is to seek out a better future snd it isn't with him.

Bin the bastard and you'll be a lot happier.

You said youve asked him to leave. Why hasn't he gone?