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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't want to be tracked by my husband's ex-wife

134 replies

gotellitonthemountain · 05/04/2024 18:51

My stepdaughter has just got her first phone. Her mum has put a tracking app on it, which my husband also has access to.

I just don't feel comfortable thinking of SDD's mum following our every move on the days she is with us.

AIBU?

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 05/04/2024 19:11

As if your husband’s ex gives a shit where you are, ffs. She hasn’t put a tracking app on her kid’s phone to track you, and neither has she put a tracking app on her kid’s phone to track her kid when her kid is with you and your husband. She’s put it on there so that her child can be located if she’s not with you and her husband and also so that the phone can be found if she bloody loses it. Stop being so paranoid.

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 05/04/2024 19:11

I think you can turn the tracking off at your end

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 05/04/2024 19:10

Yeah I didn't like it. I just don't take my DSC out shopping or when I go anywhere fancy now. It only causes problems when it gets back to her as she's always asking for me to pay for things

Hoplolly · 05/04/2024 19:10

PuttingDownRoots · 05/04/2024 19:08

My personal feeling is the tracking apps are creepy. However, its a parenting decision between her mother and father.
Her father can ask her to leave the phone at home, or turn data off, when she's with you.

This is a good idea.

We have a similar situation but I think if the ex has nothing better to do that look at what we're up to all the time, then that's a very sad existence!

HerRoyalNotness · 05/04/2024 19:09

Unless the mum starts saying things like, I see you stayed home all weekend, or how on earth did you spend 8hrs at the mall on Saturday, I would put it out of my mind.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/04/2024 19:08

My personal feeling is the tracking apps are creepy. However, its a parenting decision between her mother and father.
Her father can ask her to leave the phone at home, or turn data off, when she's with you.

Sirzy · 05/04/2024 19:06

Your not being tracked.

the phone has an app on which allows the user to be tracked if needed. Very sensible for children old enough to have a phone!

Pantaloons99 · 05/04/2024 19:06

ArcticOwl · 05/04/2024 19:02

you're being weird, you wont even have crossed her mind. stop being ridiculous.

No, it's not weird at all. I totally get why she's uncomfortable! I'm the birth parent in this situation and I think it's messed up. Technology, control gone too far. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who hates all this nonsense.

Moonshine5 · 05/04/2024 19:05

Do you get a say?

SarahSays1 · 05/04/2024 19:05

How old is DSD? Who is paying for the contract? Are they aware of the various rules about age limits for apps etc? I'm guessing she is young and these are often overlooked. Make sure her parents are checking. Also make the ground rules clear - no phones upstairs is a good one.

The phone doesn't have to come with you on family days out all of the time. I'd guess that this is more that you don't want DSD's mum to be able to contact your family on your time together. If this is the true feeling behind it, you could encourage her to have her phone off, or at home, or in her Dad's bag when she is out with you all as a family.

piscofrisco · 05/04/2024 19:05

We had this in reverse. Dh's ex wife accused him of tracking her every move as dss 12 had life 360 on his phone. He couldn't care less where she was-he was more worried about DSS and where he was, or him losing his phone. Which he then did. And she demanded dh replace it. Erm...no.

ZekeZeke · 05/04/2024 19:04

How old is she?
Presume around 8 as its her first phone?
Phone stays in your house when you go out. Simple.

Pantaloons99 · 05/04/2024 19:04

So I'm 'bio mum' and I kind of get what you're saying! Am I the only one here who doesn't like this tracking app crap? It feels like a massive step too far. I just say, make sure your phone is always on and update me where you are, always answer etc. I might get ripped a new ass for this but I think we've all gone too far with this stuff.

OP, there's not much you can do really as the step parent apart from encourage her to leave phone at home when you're doing family things.

BelindaOkra · 05/04/2024 19:03

Rosesanddaisies1 · 05/04/2024 19:00

YANBU. All this tracking is disgusting, poor teens nowadays.

Edited

Yes this. How old is she? 11 year old fair enough, by mid to late teens - eek

Anameisaname · 05/04/2024 19:03

Pinkpinkpink15 · 05/04/2024 18:56

@bigageap

DSD is with her Dad & SM. Has been perfectly safe up until now. She's just got a phone (for secondary or whatever) there is no need for her to 'tracked' when she's in their care.

Show quote history

But you can't actually just expect it is switched on and off all the time. Relax ... its tracking the DD and good to have it on

ArcticOwl · 05/04/2024 19:02

you're being weird, you wont even have crossed her mind. stop being ridiculous.

Malarandras · 05/04/2024 19:01

But the app is on the daughter’s phone not yours? I’m guessing you and she are not joined at the hip? Just do what you would have done before the app came along.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 05/04/2024 19:00

Your SD can tell her anyway so it makes no difference whatsoever.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 05/04/2024 19:00

YANBU. All this tracking is disgusting, poor teens nowadays.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 05/04/2024 18:59

@gotellitonthemountain

unfortunately it's going to depend on your DH, talk to him, there's no reason he can't turn it off when she's with him (you) for the day/weekend/holidays.

as per my previous post.

Panpastels · 05/04/2024 18:58

Why? Where are you going that's of concern? She's not tracking you she's looking out for her daughter.

sonjadog · 05/04/2024 18:58

I would assume it is more so that her parents know where she is when she is with neither of them, rather than her Mum is using it to find out where she is with you. Unless you are going strange and inappropriate places with her? I guess you could ask her to turn it off when she is with you, but that would seen paranoid in the extreme.

Arconialiving · 05/04/2024 18:58

I track all my DCs! I'm still married to their dad, so no step parents involved, but it's purely for their safety (& my peace of mind!)

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/04/2024 18:58

I doubt she is tracking it all the time, and even if she is she'll lose interest very quickly. Presumably your DH can use it to track his exes movements if he wanted to. Does he though? Just get on and live your life normally and forget about it. Unless she starts randomly showing up when you've gone out somewhere.

cryinglaughing · 05/04/2024 18:58

Tell her to leave it at home when you go out 🤷🏻‍♀️