I don't want to be tracked by my husband's ex-wife

You are making it about you not the child and quite frankly you are not particularly important compared to the child! Are her parents really going to enable/disable whichever app they are using just to keep you happy! I bloody couldn’t be arsed doing that!

What? Where are you taking her that you feel uncomfortable about her knowing?

@Anameisaname

it doesn't need to be switched on & off all the time. It can be switched off when she arrives at Dads & on when she goes back to mums.

Personally it wouldn't bother me & I think it's good to have it on an expensive phone & to know where the DD is when she starts going out alone, but I'm not the OP & she does have an issue with it.

another alternative is to leave it at home when they all go out together.

@Skyisbluegrassisgreen

yes, you can, like any other setting on the phone.

Have you considered the posdibility that it's as mych the phone that's being tracked? She's a child and is 100% guaranteed to lose her phone. Or leave it somewhere stupid. Even cheap phones can add up over multiple losses.

Like you say, we don't know how old the child is. But there's still no way of the mother knowing if the dad or step mum (or both) are with the child, so it would be useless for stalking the step mum, which is the only reason I can see for the op to object to it.

Say they go for a family day out.. how can the mum tell if they are all together, if just the dad is there, or just the step mum, or just the child? She can't. Unless the child has already told her they are going as a family, or who she will be with, in which case the phone is irrelevant. She can only use it for tracking the phone, and presumably therefore, the child. Just as the dad can when the child is with the mum. However much of a pita the mum may be, I don't see what reason there is for the op to object.
Also presumably the dad has already agreed to this as he is also able to access the location. In which case she should talk to him about it rather than blaming the mum,and making it all her fault.

If she is with her father then there is no need for the tracking app to be on. Turn it off or turn the phone off. Job Done.

Considering my DHs ex got engaged on our first wedding anniversary in the same location that her fiance married his wife, I absolutely wouldn't put it past her to turn up to places we were.

Comments on the lines of "it's very unlikely the mum is interested in what the stepmum is up to" are fair enough. The ones saying categorically that she isn't, though, are assuming too much. They don't know she isn't a control freak or doesn't have form for crashing family days out. There are many reasons why exes are ex and control freakery could well be one of them. (Thank fuck phone trackers weren't really a thing when I was married to XH...)

This.

How old is she? I've got to say I'd feel little uncomfortable too. Especially if there is any back story of mum being difficult. DSSs mum used to facetime and he'd walk around the house with her which felt like an intrusion.
3 options
Leave the phone at your house when you go out.
Take the phone but put it on airplane mode outside the house.
Buy a second phone and ask that mum's doesn't come with, or turn it off.

I don't think OP has said what age the child is. If she's young then it's likely that she wouldn't be going far without her dad and SM.

It would have been helpful of OP had included her SD’s age, because she could be 9 or she could be 16 and there’s a difference but it appears she’s cleared off

This is a really good point. I'm very anti tracking but see how this gives you so much extra security and your child freedom.

But she can't. How does she know if the dad and/or step mum are with the daughter if she checks the location?

I don't think you said what age she was?
If she is going out alone while with you, then I'd suggest she has it on, if she is with you/step dad she could switch off phone/leave it at home.

I'd be tempted to take it some weird places (maybe leave it behind a bar for the afternoon) and see if step mum comments.

On the flipside, this also means your DH can track his ex, do you think that would/should bother her?

I have 2 teen daughters they are both linked to my find my iPhone, in fact as a family we all have access to each others location. We initially put them on when going to a music festival, we wanted the girls to be able to move around stages but also wanted to be able to find each other easily (knowing how loud it was making phones calls/
hearing text notifications etc difficult. We have kept them on as we find it really useful for many reasons:

I horse ride alone I dog walk alone if something happens I am easily found, we have used it when I slipped on ice miles from home and unable to easily describe where I was, husband could see where I am

husband mountain bikes alone so again great safety feature

school called me one day to say child 2 wasn’t in school why not, child didn’t answer phone but I could easily see that child was in school and the school just made an error, she makes her own way to school so saved me A panic as could see immediately she was there

child 1 called and said can I pick her up then he phone died before she could say where from, just had to find her phone to see where she was when it died

I personally think it’s a brilliant safety feature and wouldn’t be without it. Her mum has a very valid reason to install it, tracking your movements is unlikely to be one of them

on a light hearted note if me or DH are travelling the other always keeps an eye on their arrival home - it’s become a bit of a thing now as one of us walks through the door the other is standing with a smile and a cuppa to walk into . I am out walking the dogs right now a little hungover, my husband will time a nice bacon sarnie for my arrival home

@letstrythatagain How does tracking her keep her safe? I've already explained why I think it actually does the complete opposite.

How does tracking someone ensure they are safe? Anything could happen to their phone doesn't keep anyone safe

Fair enough. That's you. I'm happy knowing my daughter is safe and she's happy to have it switched on so all good.

@WandaWonder each to their own eh! 😃

@letstrythatagain "You would consider you (her mother) tracking your daughter's phone as 'creepy'? That's a worrying statement for you to make tbh..."

I don't think creepy is quite the right word. But yes-I too think it's "creepy adjacent" unless there is a specific reason.

But the mum shouldn't be able to track the whereabouts of dad and stepmum because it could save her money on a new phone. That's what phone insurance is for.

Neurotic?

You would consider you (her mother) tracking your daughter's phone as 'creepy'? That's a worrying statement for you to make tbh...