Head Table Havoc

He needs to tell his fiancée what he does want then.

Her choice, not yours. Be a good guest, turn up and sit where you are put.

And your DSS parents are not sitting at the top table for appearance sakes - they are his actual parents. They should put up and shut up for one day. How embarrassing if they can't. Poor bride and groom.

Poor bride? Poor bridegroom is more accurate if she is full bridezilla mode, I would always encourage anyone marrying a bridezilla to run a mile before the wedding, she will be the same for the rest of their lives.
At the top table the divorced parents will not be seated together, they'll be with the bride's opposite parent. If we go down the route of step parents being at the top table it could potentially need a very large table, as I had to explain the the person I sat with at our daughter's wedding!

If they can’t sit where their child wishes for a few hours for their wedding day then I assume neither are particularly loving or caring parents.

@TaylorZ

DSS needs to stop being so wet & say what HE actually wants. It's his side, bridezilla needs to go with what HE wants, but he needs to hurry up & bloody decide!

if I were planning it, I'd have you, DH, his Mum & her partner.

its easy enough to balance up with the table with the bridal party.

As you've mostly brought him up, you should definitely be at the head table with DH.

What usually happens is brides father sits next to grooms mother, and vice versa so DSS’s parents won’t have to sit next to each other at all.

my dad and his wife kicked off majorly at my brothers wedding where they had this kind of top table. They ended up sitting where they were asked to sit but was very childish and unpleasant for everyone, especially as dads wife was sat with other family members she’d known almost as long as dad.

when DH and I got married we didn’t have a traditional top table to avoid this kind of shite, but as with PP I think if the B&G have chosen this set up the parents and steps should all just suck it up in silence.

you’ll not be sitting with your DH for the length of a meal. No big deal.

YABU to call someone a "Bridezilla over minute details" and then nitpick about those minute details.

I agree with this - it’s always been the same when I’ve attended weddings where the parents don’t get on, even one where the marriage had ended due to adultery. I’d worry about two adults who can’t put aside their differences for, at most, two hours, for their kid.

We did same - us, bridesmaids, best man & the ushers. DM & DstepD and DF and DstepM then hosted their own tables of close family & it worked out much better

Yup- same here. My Step mother made a huge fuss about lack of tradition etc but I took no notice. Top tables always look tedious.

I went to a wedding where the brides parents and their new partners were all seated at the top table. Her mum and dad detest each other but you'd never have known

We didn’t have a top table, makes life a lot easier, and had round tables for everyone so easier to talk to more people

What the bride is suggesting seems to be the norm. If your DH really feels he can't hold his bitterness towards his ex wife at bay for a few hours during the wedding reception for the sake of his son the bridegroom, then he needs to take it up with his son and future daughter in law and find a solution that works for him and his ex wife. You should stay out of it.

In these circumstances, surely they would sit the mother of the bride with the father of the groom, and the father of the bride with the mother of the groom?

We sat with our friends for our wedding (long tables) with parents next to us / friends opposite but mixed in.

Those top tables always look so miserable and awkward. everyone else having fun on the tables on the floor and the top table looking awkwardly out.

id do away with it personally!

For this very reason we didn't have a top table. Well we did, but no family, just bride and groom plus their best man and his wife, plus matron of honour and her partner. Worked a lot better for us and warring parents were able to avoid each other.

I’d echo the first comment - turn up, sit where you’re asked, make the best of it and have a nice time. If there was one thing that made me wish we’d eloped, it was people sticking their oar in, however well meaning.

When I got married I was in the groom’s position. I had my biological (divorced) parents on head table with stepmum and step siblings on the adjacent table nearest father. Admittedly, although their divorce was anything but amicable, they are civil for my sake so were fine sitting together for the meal so this made things easier. Stepmum was totally understanding as it was the most logical setup. If there are going to be noses out of joint, a discussion with those involved is hopefully going to help, with particular emphasis on ‘your sitting position should in no way dictate our ongoing relationship’. It’s just one seat on one day.

@hedgehoglurker is right, at our wedding top table was both sets of parents mixed up, so the parents weren't sitting next to their own spouse (or in this case their own ex spouse)

She isn't bridezilla for wanting a seating plan.

It would be silly to have all those people up at the head table too.

Mum and dad should be up there, presumably you'll be seated with folk you know, and it's only a couple of hours anyway and the rest if the day you will be with your dh.

It’s not your place to suggest anything and it would be perfectly normal for only parents to sit at the top table. It won’t be awkward if they make the effort. For this one occasion, step parents need to take a step back and support what the marrying couple want. They never asked for step parents.

Its tradition for the MOB to sit with FOG, and vice versa.

So they don't need to sit together

The parents don't usually sit together on the top table though, do they? I've usually seen FoB with MoG, and MoB with FoG.

Doesn't answer your question, but would prevent them sitting together if it is awkward.

Our family dynamic is different with only one step-parent, who didn't raise the children getting married. Step-parent sat with other family members, not on top table.