Newborn stress

Also, be kind tk yoursslf right now. Self care is so important. Being able to gibe baby a bottle means your DH can help plenty, so make sure he does.

I'd be lying if I said I found it as easy to bond after loss, infertility issues, and then a very complicated pregnancy. I felt terrible because of it. I bonded with my eldest much more quickly than my second. It was such a stressful time that naturally some of that carried forward. I love him incredibly dearly and I did when he was born, something was just, different? I think I had a touch of PND and there's nothing abnormal about that, so if you think that's a possibility OP, be kind to yourself. Make sure you start getting out in to the world, make sure you are looking after you as long as somebody else is looking after baby. Don't skip showering! If baby has a bouncer, pop them in that while you shower if DH is not home to help. It is so easy to learn just to flannel wash but for me, I felt so much saner after a shower.

The sleepless nights are hard. But it soon passes.

Everyone talks about the newborn phase being very easy and very Disney but that isn't the case for everyone. Find what works for you and your baby, and ignore what people told you this would be like. Everyone only remembers the best parts. That's why I had a chat with myself when I was absolutely exhausted one morning saying "you'll forget this when he's 6 months, is all smiles and babbling, so when that is happening remind yourself you decided you were done at 2 children". I was right, I had forgotten, as I found myself thinking the other day "3 wouldn't be so bad..." 😂

Hi OP. Congrats on your baby!

Fed is best. As is a happier mum. If breastfeeding and pumping is stressing you, just stop doing it. It is absolutely fine to give your baby formula and you have not done anything wrong as a mother. With my first, I went in to hospital saying I would breastfeed. Baby wouldn't latch but they wouldn't let me give formula. The pressure was so intense. I discharged myself, pumped at home and topped up with formula. Then stopped pumping after 6 weeks. What a weight lifted! With DS, I breastfed for a week, we couldn't get the hang of it, he was very jaundice and not gaining weight. So we went on to formula. Breastfeeding CAN in some cases be very difficult and IMO if it starts to impact your mental health negatively then just switch to formula and don't beat yourself up. Baby has had some breastmilk. And tbh if you'd gone in to hospital saying you intended to FF but managed to give baby some breastmilk, they'd be singing your praises for that bit, they did with me and DS.

For the feed times, what teats are you using? Baby might prefer a variflow teat rather than the standard first stage bottle teats.

Wind regularly through feeds and use infacol.

Babies aren't really fussy eaters. Usually they have wind/colic, jaundice so fall asleep and take ages to feed, there's something not right with their ability to latch on (I see you've had tongue tie checked), some babies have a dairy allergy so don't get on with what they are being fed and have tummy ache. For now I'd try infacol before each feed, wind half way through, and possibly the variflow teats.

Hi OP sending love! I had a section and although I didn't breastfeed that first bit was wild. Also your comments about friends not bothering really does make it extra tough.
I found by week 7 things got a bit easier, I could drive by then and we started going to baby classes (which he slept through!) So I could speak to people and make friends.

That first bit is so tough, it does get easier and utilise all the help you can get- I used to have DH take baby from 9pm-2am to get some sleep and he'd take the baby before work so I could shower and dress. (He obviously did a lot more but this was the absolute minimum on a work day!)

@readingismycardio

What you are feeling is so normal so please take comfort in that and know that like many have said, it does get easier. This is all so new and your life has changed in a matter of minutes, no matter how prepared you think you are. Particularly after an unplanned section you can feel almost thrust into motherhood where you are now responsible for this tiny baby whilst trying to recover yourself. You’ve had major surgery and that takes time to heal from, physically and emotionally.
Your baby is putting weight on so you are doing good!
The fighting with partner is also so normal in my experience - you’ve both had a huge life change and it takes time to adjust to your new relationship. Communicate with each other.
Put baby down somewhere safe when you need five minutes.
Have a shower, eat, read a book - you still need to do all of the things you did before. I found fresh air was an amazing medicine. Just getting out of the same four walls and seeing people, nature etc.
Once you find your own rhythm and routine things will become easier, day by day. Congratulations on your beautiful baby.

Wish I could come and help. The early days can be rough, my eldest had horrendous colic and it was hell!

My advice would be to stop pumping, especially as it is taking up so much of your time and you feel you’re missing out on quality time with baby. Honestly as long as baby is fed, that’s all that matters. I’m a teacher and in any class that I have taught, I have absolutely no idea which of my pupils were breastfed and which were bottlefed and people certainly don’t include it on their CV.

I echo what others have said too, always try and get a shower first thing and fresh, comfortable clothes on. It makes such a difference to how you feel for the day.

Get out in the fresh air, I walked all over with my eldest and those walks are some of my fondest memories with him.

They are only this tiny for such a short time, you don’t want to miss this time because of feeding dilemmas. My sister breastfed for a week and then pumped for about 3 weeks and then switched to formula and bottles as she just wasn’t producing enough milk, my nephew was a different baby overnight. He was happier and so so content. He was going 4hours between feeds in no time. Second time around she’s tried breastfeeding again and it’s a completely different story and she’s exclusively fed no problem. No idea what the reason is but sometimes it just doesn’t work out and that’s ok. You need to do what’s best for you and baby.

Please remember that to your little one, you are absolutely perfect and the best mum in the world. There are so many different phases of motherhood, some harder than others but all will pass. You’re doing great!

I could have written this! My baby was smaller than yours, which I found quite stressful. I put myself under a lot of pressure to breastfeed but now that I look back at the photos we took I don't think he was really big enough to latch properly. It does get better OP, I promise you.

Don't stress about breast v formula

FED IS BEST!!

Cannot stress this enough!!

My boobs have literally been useless!! All they've ever done is point traffic towards my toes! I did produce small amounts of milk but not enough so i had to mix feed. All good, I have 2 happy, healthy kids.

Tommy tippee prep machine was the best thing ever with my second, so wish I had it for my first!

With my first, it was 5 days I went without a shower before I realised what's the bloody worst that can happen if baby is safe and cries for 5 minutes?? Absolutely nothing!!

That shower was glorious! Whilst ds was in his car seat on the bathroom floor! 🙈

Laundry, well, not going to lie, that needs to get done so 1 load on every morning otherwise it gets stinky! Plus babies grow so quick!! What fits in week 3, won't in week 6!! They're like weeds!!

2nd baby was a snuggler, so I got a baby sling, and she was delighted, which meant I could just crack on with stuff!

However, you will find your groove, you will know what works, you will!!

And listen, you've got the best thing ever, enjoy those snuggles, enjoy those moments of you and your baby just looking at you and you looking at him! Magical!!

Op, it sounds like you are doing g a great job. You baby is clean, warm, loved and fed. You are recovering from major abdominal surgery so need to be kind to yourself and just have really, really low expectations of getting anything done.

Find a local mums group, one where you get to drink tea and chat to other mums, not sing bloody nursery rhymes together.

Both my DC needed topping up with formula, DD (now 14) was constantly starving, and started solids at 12 weeks in the advice of my lovely old school health visitor. She was topped up from day 3, ditched breastfeeding at 5 months, is strong, clever, healthy, eats everything. DS, I fed til 18 months. He's now 11 and would live exclusively on bottles of prime and chilli heatwave doritos if I hadn't confiscated his bank card.

Some bits of early parenthood are absolutely shit, and that's normal. This too shall pass. You'll find your crowd and it will get easier.

Firstly congratulations!

secondly, what you’re feeling is normally and those first few weeks are SO hard. It’s get so so much easier. My LO is currently 14 weeks and a pure delight. We turned a corner about 8 weeks and each week has been better and better so hang in there.

What got me through the first few weeks was DH taking her 8pm - midnight to let me catch up on sleep. I’d have gone insane without that.

Also prioritise having a shower and eating. Think of it like putting your own oxygen mask on first. Getting out the house really helps as well, even just around the block. The improving weather will help there.

But yeh I look back and it’s all a blur even though it’s so recent. It’s gets so much easier.

Op I could have written this a year ago! My breastfeeding experience was exactly the same along with ‘nipple trauma’ (has your baby been checked for tongue tie? This might cause the bad latch, I got my baby’s cut but didn’t help much tbh). I only got 40mls when pumping too and it does get in the way of playing with baby! Just be reassured that every bit of breastmilk you have got into your boy has been so good and precious for him and as he gets bigger and stronger it’s less vital and more of a ‘nice to have’ so please give yourself permission to stop pumping or pumping less often. I didn’t manage to stop until my pump broke at 6months and by then I couldn’t handle pumping and weaning but looking back now I think it was madness I went on pumping so long as it was really restrictive! I felt so much guilt and shame at the time at not being able to breastfeed easily like all the other nct mums seemed to- but to reassure you I don’t think about that at all now! I also didn’t notice any changes once I stopped pumping except that I had more free time to play with and enjoy my baby and could go on days out.

in terms of products to buy, I found the madella hands free pump and the bra crop top to wear was really helpful. And checking that you have the correct flange size there are lots of guides online for that.

i now have a 14 month old and these feelings about feeding have all gone (although now I feel mum guilt if I haven’t batched cooked good enough food etc so there’s always something!)

I could have written this when I had my first child. The trauma of birth, not bonding, being scared, feeling like I was going to die. No one prepares you for that. Maybe it’s different these days but we just had conversations about fluffy birth plans etc. it’s ok to be feeling all of this and for it to be hard. It’s normal but you need to ask for support from professions and family/friends etc. it’s ok to let people know that you’re struggling, so you don’t feel alone with it. And obviously you have taken a big step in sharing it here. I’m thinking of you and you’re not alone and I’m sure you’re a brilliant Mum!

It's hard OP, you are recovering from major surgery. If you had had similar surgery without the baby you would be in bed and recovering slowly. We put too much pressure on ourselves as new mums.
Breastfeeding is natural yes, but natural doesn't equal easy. Labour is natural but far from easy! You are doing your best and that is absolutely good enough. If it helps your emotional health to express some milk and give it, and any breast milk is of value, then carry on doing that. If you feel like you'd rather stop, then you can. It's no one else's business.
Have you got home start in your area if you are feeling isolated? And get a sling if you've not already got one, they are great.
Things will get better, your bond will grow. Skin to skin is great for bonding and hormones. Maybe talk to your health visitor, done areas have support groups to support bonding etc. Does your local children's centre have any baby groups, they're a good way of meeting people.
Look after yourself too.

Honey, I feel you! We're told how magical and special everything is aaannd it's hard! Really bloody hard. The fact you care so much about these things, shows me that you're already doing a wonderful job and you're a fantastic mother. Congratulations, keep it up and stop being so hard on yourself.
My advice:
Look after yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
If someone offers to help you, take them up on it.
Don't sweat the small stuff. In a few years time, some of these things will really matter and as it turns out, some won't 🤷🏼‍♀️ Don't fret and worry over inconsequential things, you need your energy for the big things!

And remember, you and your partner are on the same team! Even if you have a different approach or opinion, you both want what's best for you child so take a step back and really hear each other.

Ah those first few weeks/months are A LOT. It's a huge adjustment.

You and your partner need to give each other as much love and support as possible. You are each others strength.

Forget the silly things like house work. Just do the essentials atm.

In terms of baby feeding, you probably already have but have you tried different bottles/teats?

You say there is no medical reason for the feeding stuff, does this include a tongue tie being ruled out?

Do not get in your own head about breastfeeding. You have tried and that is amazing. It doesn't always go to plan and that is fine.

I found acceptance to be the big thing for me. I too had a c section then found the first two or three months a huge struggle in every way, trying to keep the baby happy, worrying about every little thing he did, worrying about the house being tidy etc etc. When we both finally got the hang of breastfeeding he then would spend hours feeding on and off. I felt so tired, trapped and frustrated but after getting some advice from others I accepted that for the first few months of my babies life this was just how life was going to be, that I wouldn't manage to get much done but actually for that time, it was OK.
Things change so quickly with babies and I found that for me, going with the flow, listening to my instincts and doing whatever made my life easier at that time made things better for me.

Formula/ bottle feeding was my saviour! Trying to breastfeed, pump & bottle feed was an absolute nightmare for me and I was so happy when I gave it up. Congratulations!

It's early days, it will get easier. Hang in there. It's hard having so little time to recover or to do anything. Go easy on yourself and your husband. Let the housework slide, just do the minimum of cooking, washing up and laundry. Everything else can wait. Prioritise sleep, personal hygiene, whatever makes you feel better in the short term. Try and get out and about for short walks or to groups if you feel like it. Stop breastfeeding or at least stop pumping, there is literally no point putting yourself through this, any benefits are outweighed by the exhaustion and stress if it doesn't come easily.
The maternal feelings will come, don't worry. If you think you might be depressed seek help from GP or HV.
Most of all, don't feel guilt for the way you feel. It's often said that the more difficult it was to conceive the baby, the more difficult the mother finds it to adjust, purely because of the pressure to love every second etc. Let go of that and accept the way you feel.
Honestly in a few weeks or months things will be so much easier and more rewarding.

OP your post really resonated with me… I am a little way behind you (DS is 16 days old) but it is so much harder than I anticipated- I seem to have plenty of milk but breastfeeding is a hard slog… takes ages and my son only sucks a few times before falling asleep, loses his latch then screams to get back on over and over again! He’s been on and off the boob since 2pm today. I just wanted to acknowledge how tough it is. I’m worrying all the time if he’s ok, if he is hurting himself when he throws himself around trying to latch on! Family keep saying I am doing well and never felt less like I am!

Your baby is warm, clean, fed and loved. You are doing a FANTASTIC job. You are a great mum and you are doing brilliantly.

It is sooo hard. My children are teenagers now, but I've never, ever forgotten how incredibly hard it was when I had my first. The shock of how relentless it was, how exhausting, the constant crying (me as well as the baby!!) and the awful worrying. I was always worrying, about whether she'd had enough milk or whether she was ok, was she happy. I argued lots and lots with my DH. I sometimes found it boring and frustrating and repetitive. We took a long time to adjust. I felt lonely a lot of the time.

It gets better, very slowly. You adjust to it, and you get stronger, and you learn to be the new person that you are now that you have a baby.

If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself to take each day or hour at a time, slow down and accept that each day will have challenges but so long as baby is fed and warm it will all be ok. We muddle through and do our best. One thing is for certain and that is that you are your baby's world, he loves you and is happy being with you and will thrive with your love and care.

If I could talk to myself 23 years ago I would tell me that not breastfeeding would not impact on my son - strappingly healthy, first class honours, DofE Goldberg - AT ALL.

Both of mine are walking adverts for formula feeding. I was well rested and mostly enjoyed the early months, even after cs with DS2. Bottle feed and don’t worry about it!!!