AIBU to ask what’s the best thing your DIL has done?

My ds’s gf is a penniless student but at Christmas bought me some Charlotte tilbury makeup and chocolate. I nearly cried.

She also always gives me a hug and asks how I am. She loves my ds as much as he loves her and to see them together warms my heart.

She’s a lovely, thoughtful girl and even though they’re only young I’d love them to stay together and get married one day!

I adore my DIL. She is beautiful, works so hard despite health issues, she puts up with my DS (!), she's funny, independent, has a fabulous family who I've become close to, she takes no shit, she's thoughtful and chatty and loving. I'd actually swap her for my DS if it came to it...! 😆

I think the first couple of posts were really setting a tone, and that being called out by Haydenn changed the type of replies. I think if that hadn’t been called out early we would’ve seen a lot more of that type of thing. Those responses WERE depressing! So whilst you say it’s only 2 or 3 out of 15 it was the first 2 which I think if left unchecked we would’ve seen much more of.

I like DS' fiance simply because she sits and chats to me even when DS isn't involved in the conversation and sends me stupid memes. She's just generally a nice person.

I mean, at the risk of sounding a bit corny, and un-MN-y, she makes my DS happy.

She doesn't need to do anything for me.

@Tukto "They work hard and lead busy lives so I do my best to be supportive and kind but to keep in the background and not make any demands on their time."

That's interesting. What about your sons? Do you have a relationship with them separate to your DILs, or do they come S a package?

My DSs aren't married but both seem settled with partners. They are both absolutely lovely young women. The best thing about them is caring for my sons and making them happy.
As a long time MN user I am anxious never to get it wrong with DILs. They work hard and lead busy lives so I do my best to be supportive and kind but to keep in the background and not make any demands on their time.

Or that she had to "put up" with my DS. I would hope she would leave him if that was the case.

But I would be bloody furious if I discovered she reminded DS about my birthday or Mother's Day.

My ds's girlfriend is lovely. And, crucially, she makes my ds relaxed and happy. Couldn't ask for anything more.

Sure but that's like, 2-3 posts that say that, amongst, what 15? And at least one is clearly joking.

I cook and help out at my MILs. For both of us, doing physical things to help each other is an act of love. When I had my babies, she essentially ran my household whenever she was over so I could focus fully on them. My kids are older now and she still makes us meals so we don't have to cook in the week after work (I'm a lawyer often home pretty late).

When I go to hers, I love to do things that means she can rest and enjoy her grandchildren instead. I make or bring her food I know she likes and it's great when I can see she's enjoying it. If she said that she valued these things about me, then I would feel valued.

Maybe you think that's depressing and like we're using each other. I think it's depressing to think that family members helping each other can only be laden in resentment and grudging.

My MIL would say giving her the two grandchildren she absolutely adores and marrying her son. My MIL is awesome. She is supportive, takes an interest in our lives without over stepping. She’s wise and has great advice (when asked!), and as she was a working mum herself, DH has grown up in a family where the men do their fair share of the domestic drudgery so he doesn’t need to be asked to stick the laundry on, load/unload the dishwasher, iron school uniforms etc. He’s also supportive of my career and doesn’t prioritise his over mine.

I love spending time with my in laws, we spend most Christmases with them because they are fabulous hosts and so clearly love DC. They are getting older and not in good health now, so when we visit, we do most of the cooking and any physical type jobs they’re not up to these days. It might be putting stuff up in the loft, taking stuff the tip, the latest job was getting years worth of loose change to the bank. We live 5 hours away so I make sure I keep them updated with what the kids are up to. Photos from sports activities, postcards when we’re on holiday, being sure DC send written thank you cards for presents. They’re little things really but mean a lot to my in-laws who are truly wonderful grandparents.

I adore my DIL. I have been truly blessed.

@Yazzi I wanted it to be that but then there were posts about how daughter in laws were great because they propped men up in basic tasks - I do find that depressing 🤷🏻‍♀️

It seems determinedly negative to take a thread about meaningful and valued relationships and call it a depressing read

My Dil is brilliant. She married my son and is exceptionally caring and hardworking. He's a lucky guy.

Not got a DIL yet... but i love my MIL. My partner works away for weeks at a time. She always stays in touch, I go over and see her when he's away as well as when he's home. I make sure I go over on mother's day and her birthday. Provide a taxi when they go out. We always spend Christmas at ours even if partner is away.

Quite! Some of the thread is a depressing read.

Oh,my dil is just wonderful! She's strong,she runs her own business,she is so kind and she (and our son,of course!)gave us our first Grandchild.I look after the baby while she works and she tells me every day how grateful she is. My Aunt has 2 dil's and they don't get on at all,I find it so sad.

My MIL came to be my and dh's support at my Dad's funeral. It meant the world to me. She was a lovely, lovely woman, very few sharp edges, and given the serves her life had sometimes given her, that was little short of a miracle. Sadly she died, last year.

I was a DIL ..I absolutely adored my MIL and find so many of the anti MIL threads so far from my reality.

She was kind
Empathetic
Super helpful
Bred a respectful son
Completely un judgemental to ways of living that were different to he own experience.
Fabulous to her GC .

@GingerIsBest , I didn’t ever have a mother in law and that’s why I joined Mumsnet in the first place to ask for advice on how to be a good one. The overwhelming response was to mind my own business and that’s part of what we do, I am shocked actually how some mother in law’s behave but I wish more people would try and work out their differences, it can be such a lovely relationship. ☺️

My DiL is lovely always makes us very welcome and cooked us a lovely roast dinner at easter .She also asked for my mum's Xmas stuffing recipe to carry on our Xmas tradition.

won't have a dil for at least another 25 years i imagine but i love my mil to pieces. she's amazing and so maternal. never once said a bad word to my kids and she's genuinely a nice person and very innocent and naive. she had 9 children herself and raised her family in iraq through the wars and had to live in a camp in iran with her babies for a while.

I think if my favourite thing about my DIL was that she reminded him to not forget me, I'd be questioning what I'd done through their lives to make them so selfish

I think Mil would say I make it easy for her to see the grandkids, being good company (we go out occasionally to the theatre in etc) and being a good listener.