Feel ashamed of my house

Have a look at ‘A Slob comes Clean’ on YouTube. She declutters in a way that doesn’t create more mess.

Sympathy from me. We have little storage so our pram goes under the stairs and juts out, our hallway is really narrow and always feels dingy even though it’s been painted a bright white and has a good light fitting. Shoes everywhere, the kids just kick them off and there’s no space anywhere for proper storage. The walls are covered in greasy handmarks and smears of food from the children which I’ve made worse trying to rub off.

DP has a fucking annoying obsession with not throwing things away properly. Food jars are rinsed and simply left on the kitchen windowsill. He keeps the empty cardboard boxes from everything - the iron, the baby bouncer etc - and they just live in random places around the house ‘because if we sell them on marketplace the box will come in handy’. It DRIVES ME MAD. He starts DIY and doesn’t finish it - we had a stepladder living in our bathroom for 6+ months, I regularly find nails and screws on windowsills which I go insane about because I worry they’ll roll off and the baby will pick them up.

I feel the same. We redecorated downstairs last summer but doors and door frames need sorting. I tried sanding to paint them, then tried paint stripper and they still aren’t in a state to be primed and painted. I’d replace if I could afford.

What a weird attitude. 14 year old furniture isn't old!!! 3 or 4 years is not a long time ago to have repainted the whole house. How are things so grubby in just 3 years that the situation is "desperate"? I think its far more likely that your house is completely normal, and you just have a warped view of how other people live. What has lead you to think that your house is disgraceful unless it contains brand new furniture and freshly painted walls? Id guess that you need therapy more than you need to decorate your house.

Just enjoy your home - it doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s as long as you’re comfortable. Painting? Who cares - wait till kids are older and/or you actually have time to do anything.

If you do start, just do a room at a time.

Just bite the bullet and do a massive declutter. Move all the hoarded stuff you can’t simply chuck into garage or attic. If no space, box it up in removal boxes and stack the boxes somewhere annoying for dh eg right next to the Tv, behind sofa, on DH’s side of the bed, in front of “his” wardrobe space.

Wash the walls
Repaint one wall each weekend
Buy good quality paint and
Do at least two coats so that later you can easily repair damage to the walls (see below)

When you invite people over it will be clear you are redecorating

For future - get those sponge rubbers that will remove marks from walls. Godsend for a quick spruce up.

Next tips: declutter bathroom and buy a big deluxe leafy indoor plant (£15). It’s amazing how much like a zen spa it feels when you can’t see all the spare loo rolls, bottles of product and toothbrushes. These can be kept in cosmetic bags in bedrooms/ laundry cupboard.

Bathroom has been my easiest and most satisfying win so far!

I feel your pain. I recently had school mums around and my house is a mess compared to theirs... peeling wallpaper in the playroom, tatty stairs carpets...
I just try and make sure its clean and presentable as possible. I also do little jobs as i go. My whole kitchen needs painting but last week i just did the chipped skirting boards as i didnt have the energy to freshen up the walls... little bits at a time....

Thinking about stuff and doing stuff is far worse than actually doing it in my opinion. I am a champion at procrastinating so I know this!. I have been looking at my dds room for months and it was getting me down,, really making me miserable.Today I have started and in 2 hrs have cleaned out 20 bin liners of old toys and clothes. It has made such a huge difference to me mentally. I feel so good.I am now spurred on to sort this house out. I like this feeling and all it cost me was 3 packs of binliners!! Start somewhere OP anywhere and I hope you feel the same as I do today cos its brilliant! x

Wash the walls (and doors if needed). I just use Cif. Works great.
Loads of good points on thread though disagree a bit with a pp who said start in the bedrooms. Target either a room you want to feel comfortable in or that you want to be 'presentable' so maybe lounge or kitchen and enjoy little bits of progress.
I hate throws but one can be useful to put over stained furniture when people come round (then put away again because they look scruffy after a few hours).

Was going to say precisely this!

1. invite people over and have fun and accept that visitors really won’t see the flaw you do. Do you notice all the flaws at your friends’? No. The point of life is to have fun and SHARE life - have people over

2. declutter an area/room every day/week - whenever you can

3. repainting is quite cheap but have you washed the walls? Can make a massive difference

One room at a time would be my advise. small steps = big progress.

Honestly just keep doing little bits and you'll get there. You might need to sacrifice some things if you are struggling to find the money. We moved to a house in a village 18 months ago, last serious decoration was done about 10-25 years ago and some rooms they've whitewashed everything to sell it including every radiator, light fitting and switch 🙄. Almost everything I mean everything was painted in a dark oppressive grey. I remember sitting in the living room the once and feeling depressed but not actually being depressed because it felt like the walls were closing in because they were so dark. We've worked on each room one by one and now at the point that it's the really big jobs now that we are saving for i.e ensuite, bathroom, driveway, garden, every internal door and eventually kitchen. Literally as every room gets decorated or something storage is put up I can feel my shoulders dropping and its becoming easier and more like a home.

Get rid of it. If you can afford to hire a skip then do so. You can't have your house unusable because of his hoarding.

Hire a skip, get it all into it when he's not home, put a rain-proof cover on it and tell him he has X number of days until collection. That amount of junk in a living space is not fair to anyone else living there.

I think what you need is a set of fresh eyes. When you're a long time living in a place, you're overly emotional about what needs doing, and often can't see the wood for the trees. Do you have a friend/relative with a particularly good eye for interiors? You'd be amazed what could occur to you when you discuss ideas out loud with someone else - can really help you to forge a concrete plan of action. In my experience, it is more about being clever/considered than spending a lot. I have a relative whose house is incredible looking - she has bought absolutely nothing new ever - just has a really good eye, keeps constant watch of local buy and sell and freecycle groups, and enjoys upcycling by painting furniture etc. I run everything by her as she has an excellent grasp on space/light/colour. You just need to find the equivalent around you to bounce ideas off and begin to hatch a plan.

"whoops it walked out of the car and into the tip"

Four years, surely he must not know what's in those boxes now?

Honestly, it will seem so much worse to you than everyone else.
I own a 300 year old house which is quirky (two staircases, stone floors, wonky doorways etc etc) and I seem to be constantly painting and fixing and plastering and so on. I can see tonnes to be done, but if I have guests they can never see the faults I see until I point them out. Frankly, nobody really cares or pays that much attention!
I'm fussy so stay on top of things generally, but I find making a list and working through it helps. Pick a job a day (or a couple if you have time) and tick it off. I weeded my garden today and planted a few new plants. Tomorrow I need to paint the feet on the bathtub upstairs. Get some magic sponges (miracle workers) and use those on the walls. Really help on hallway scuff marks. A declutter will make you feel so much better so I'd tackle that first. When painting I stick on a decent playlist or audio book and it really helps get me through! Good luck, get stuck in.

Paint the rooms and then see what needs to be done. A throw and cushions can make all the difference. And declutter.
Also look for used stuff on Facebook so many people give nice furniture away.

Give him a deadline and stick to it - do you drive and have access to a car? If so, tell him the whole lot will be off to the tip if it is not sorted out and decluttered.

A flat mop is great for cleaning walls. makes a surprising amount of difference.

Agree with pp re walls you didn’t paint that long ago reckon the walls just need a good scrub

Teens revising / away over Easter so I just blitzed. Got rid of crap in hall way got better storage painted skirting boards washed walls deep cleaned nooks and crannies and kitchen. Was exhausting but soo satisfying and you really notice

Can you just start putting all his stuff in the garden or something? Surely it can't be ok for him to just leave it and your DS not be able to even have a friend round?

Hairspray is good for pen marks. I have to say when my dc was little and drew on walls or sofas, I would sort it immediately. There’s no way I’d live with pen marks on the walls. She used a black permanent marker on white walls once. I Went out bought new paint and took three coats to cover it.

I would start by decluttering, it’s a good time of year to throw out / donate clothes. Just by taking out six jumpers that are too shabby / too small it’s freed up my chest of drawers.

Then pay the tree person to cut back the tree. Get on to your DH to mow the lawn. Throw out any of DD’s garden stuff that is grotty from the winter.

If you can’t stretch to new furniture, go and spend a few hundred quid in IKEA on new rugs, cushions, plants.

How’s your storage? Having everything put away makes a world of difference. Then a lick of paint.
Do one room at a time. Do you need to replace furniture? I don’t know what your budget is like but when I moved into my house I got living room furniture from Roseland than looks nice and has lasted well, and it wasn’t very expensive. Each time you buy a piece they give you a discount for the next piece, so I got 20% off most of it.
Alternatively look at marketplace.