Who's the problematic one here?

Hard to make sense of all the conflicting things you say but

159cm ie 5ft 2/3 max weight to have a healthy BMI is 63kg so my hypothesis A stands that you are a bit overweight at 69kg for your very small frame and that presumably you don't eat that tiny amount and do all that exercise consistently all the time otherwise it is not possible that you would be overweight.

Are you Asian, OP?

Then how on earth are you saying you're overweight??

I agree, you sound like you have eating issues. He's probably sick of hearing about it

Unless you’re 3 feet tall, I would hardly call maintaining a size 8 with little to no effort ‘struggling’ with weight.

Your husband is probably sick of hearing about your non-problem after 6 years. You are absolutely the unreasonable one here.

Your husband is definitely right in that you're not eating enough. My goodness. Surely you don't sit there measuring out hummus in grams. It's just hummus. That seems like such a joyless way to live.

When I got visible abs I was chuffed with myself and took it as a sign that I should stop thinking about weight completely, I didn't fixate on getting even smaller. If there's one thing more tedious than a weight-loss bore it's a weight-loss bore droning on about it even though they have visible abs.

Enjoy your toned body and live a little.

Ok ignore last post
You are a size 8 but want to be size 6
This is not the impression one gets from your OP where you talk about struggling with your weight.
I now think DH is sick of you going on about your weight for a different reason ie that you have an ED.

Another possibility that might actually be more likely than your water retention theory (and maybe what Dh is getting at) is that you eat more when you train more and that, as you cannot outrun a bad diet, you gain weight when you are training because you eat too much.

It might be 'good food' but too much of it. A lot of people do this especially when doing tonnes of cardio. A lot of people have great muscle under a layer of fat.

Do you keep a food diary/ use MFP and do it honestly? You might find that you are actually eating too much despite intense exercise.

It does seem that you only want people to confirm what you already think however so I don't imagine you will consider this possibility at all.

Stop avoiding reality and get into a calorie deficit if you want to lose fat. It really is that simple.

Agree with the 'men want to provide solutions'. If DH starts doing that I tell him I'm not wanting solutions that I've already considered from him, I'm wanting sympathetic noises while I have a moan before I go and sort out the issue. Then depending on his mood he'll either make taking the piss sympathetic noises or he'll grumpily tell me he doesn't want to hear me moaning.

I've never had a female friend tell me what to do when I have a moan, the conversation is much more likely to be sympathetic noises, outrageous suggestions intended to make me laugh and feel better, or an open question like 'what are you thinking about doing next?'

The only time you should offer solutions to a problem is a) you are a boss or mentor to the colleague you are talking to b) you are a parent or other adult relative of the child or young adult you are speaking to or c) you are a professional being asked for advice by a client. Generally in a social situation your advice is not wanted.

I think if my clothes are getting too tight I'm gaining, if my clothes are to loose I'm getting smaller. It always seems the easiest way to me.

So you've told him something 20 million times, you go NC but have to keep talking about it. Poor bloke must be bored to death.

You are weight loss obsessed to an unhealthy degree. You have a definite problem with this. Under the circumstances I don't think anything your husband can say would be helpful.

You have followed an extreme regime for a few weeks but also eaten very unhealthily and stopped exercising for about 10% of that time. No wonder your weight is fluctuating.

Assuming there are no undisclosed health issues, what will get you to a maintained healthy weight is a sustained period of balanced food and exercise. Intermittent purging and binging will just exacerbate your problems - as you have discovered.

Exercise will help, but you need to go into calorie deficit to lose weight. Try a food diary and complete it meticulously, Myfitnesspal is a good app (something like that).

I’m team DH I’m afraid, I can’t bear people moaning about the same thing over and over again if they just want to moan. You say you feel like he’s saying it is something you’re doing wrong - who else would it be? It’s usually calorie intake if you’re not losing, unfortunately it’s that simple.

You should learn to trust your eyes and throw the scales out. The number on the scales doesn't mean anything in terms of either your health (the important thing) or your image.

As someone who exercises for health reasons, it must be very frustrating for him to have to listen to your fixation on weight, because there's a point at which that fixation becomes unhealthy (not to say tedious). He's giving you advice from the health perspective because it's the only one that matters.

I also find it very frustrating when people "vent" to me without wanting to hear a solution. Surely if something is bothering you then you want a fix for it.

I’m kind of with your DH - I don’t see the point in talking about a problem. I’d much rather talk about a solution.

Honestly, he’s just probably sick of hearing about your weight. Sorry if that sounds unkind. I am not unsupportive of your quest to change your body, but it’s probably not as important to him as it is to you.

Good lord. Is he a bit of a know-it-all?

He sounds like a bore to talk to if he regurgitates the same advice he has given previously, without listening.

It sounds as if your partner acts like he is the expert on your life - which is weird. Do you think he lacks the skills needed to ask questions and listen? Or is he not aware of, nor curious about other people's thoughts and feelings about their own lives?

He’s probably a bit frustrated that he can’t help / solve your issues and for him it’s simpler (as it is easier for men to lose weight than women).

I would just not discuss it with him.

KreedKafer · Today 10:31
It's losing fat that matters, not losing 'weight'.
'Muscle is much denser than fat, so a small volume of muscle weighs about the same as a large volume of fat.

Aha! That theory is still accepted then. I'm not talking complete 😂bollocks!

You don't need to worry about your weight. If you are reducing in size, you are losing fat. It's losing fat that matters, not losing 'weight'.

'Weight' can be anything, including water but also including muscle, which you don't want to be losing. If you are getting smaller and toning up, but your weight is staying the same, then you are losing fat and gaining muscle. That is a good thing. Muscle is much denser than fat, so a small volume of muscle weighs about the same as a large volume of fat.

Exercise is not making you retain water.

I have some sympathy with your DH here, to be honest. It sounds like you're very insecure about your body (which I can identify with a lot, because I'm insecure about mine too) and have got a bit bogged down in obsessing over numbers and water retention without really knowing what you're doing - it sounds like a case of 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' to me. Focus on your fitness and losing fat (ie 'toning up' and reducing your size a bit) rather than what it says on the scales. You sound like a classic example of someone with my body type. When I was at my smallest, a size 8, my BMI was still in the overweight category, because I just have a lot of muscle.