Who's the problematic one here?

Just for clarification.. you’re bothered when the scale itself doesn’t go down but the fact that you’re smaller isn’t a win?
I lost 2 dress sizes and only lost 5kg because is changed the composition of my body. Maybe he doesn’t understand your mindset?

Sounds like your absolutely obsessed with your weight. It also sounds like your husband is sick of hearing about it (who can blame him) because your lives seem to revolve around nothing else. He is trying to be supportive but can only play a male supporting role, because that's what he is. So, you've got two choices. Option 1 - you stop eating so much. Option 2 - you tell your husband to agree with everything you say. Nothing else is going to work and quite frankly you know it.

You were bullied for your appearance and have no self esteem but you don't care how you look, only the number on the scales?

You've got to see your thinking around this whole subject is severely disordered. Right?

Sounds like you have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with your weight.

If it's an actual scientific number you need, could you use a tape measure and ditch the scales completely? Or measure your body fat percentage? Your weight really doesn't matter if these are OK and it doesn't sound like there's anything you can do to change this due to your physiology - you just need to learn to accept this.

Sounds to me like you are quite muscular especially with the amount of exercising you are doing, and from your description of your body, and although may be "overweight" on paper you are not "fat".

Well if you're happy that you look slim then enjoy your crop top and shorts as no one else even knows your weight!

Exercising but not changing what you are eating isn’t going to help you lose weight. That is well accepted now. You might be fitter with more muscle mass, which is obviously very good for you, but not necessarily slimmer. I would also stop talking to him about it. It is very boring when other people go on about their weight. I can’t stand it. Most people know what they need to do and either do it or are unwilling to do it. Either way, no-one else needs to know, expect perhaps your doctor in some circumstances.

I don't understand why you keep coming out with statements like this 'I believe I'm smaller than when I was 23' - how could we know that? Who are you trying to convince? Does it matter? Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. It's an unhealthy obsession.

Please get counseling about your food issues. It sounds like food, exercise, etc. may be an unhealthy obsession for you.

As for your husband, in general men don't think like women. Women talk out a problem, men try to fix the problem. Neither is right or wrong; they are just different. I don't think it's fair to your dh for you to constantly ask about your weight, water retention, whatever and then get upset when he responds in the way he is wired to respond. To answer the question in your thread title, you are the problematic one. Get help.

Your thinking around weight is very disordered and won't be helped by someone nodding along. I couldn't nod along to someone claiming exercise makes them shrink but they weigh the same because of water retention. It doesn't make sense and nor does a lot else that you say. Instead of looking for validation I would look for therapy.

oh mate, you have an orthorexic eating/exercise disorder, I'm so sorry.

It isnt possible to maintain exactly the same size even if on the same food through your whole life. It would be totally normal to go from a size 6 to 8 through your adult life - if anything, still very very much on the slim side of things. You don't see many size 6 menopausal women do you? Our bodies are supposed to change.

Me and my partner also have this kind of communication problem where I am seeking reassurance but he is so practical that he tries to give frank advice and sometimes I do the same.

We've learned now to ask each other - 'do you want advice or are you just venting?' when these types of things come up. And it really helps!

Hang on - your OP gives the impression that you're hugely overweight and struggling, yet you're only a size 8 and the problem is you want to be a size six? And you "treat yourself" with half a digestive biscuit?

It sounds like you have a very messed up relationship with food and there's absolutely nothing he can say or do to get through to you.

I haven't caught up with your updates but going off the original post, he actually sounds really nice to me.

You're expecting him to have an answer for you, which is really unreasonable. How is he supposed to know why you're not losing weight? What on earth is he supposed to do about it?!

It sounds like he's trying to help and trying to listen but also trying to emphasise that he loves you regardless of your size.

There have been so many other threads like this where people of all different weights and heights all claim to be the same size. Different people obviously carry weight differently. Clothes sizes also vary massively across shops. A size 0/4 is in my mind just unhealthy. I was briefly a size 6 and weighed 55kg at 5 foot 7 and looking back was too slim. I'm now 65kg and still an 8-10. Seems odd that you're an 8 and weigh more than me and are shorter but you say you do a lot of exercise and have defined abs and biceps which I definitely don't! I agree with PPs that you're obsessed about your weight/size and very restrictive in your diet and having been like that in the past myself and having friends like that it is very, very boring to hear about constantly so just give your poor husband a break and try and lighten up about it all. People have real problems and to fixate so much on your size when there must be so many more interesting things about you is a bit sad.

You OP. YABU.
First of all, it's not weight that matters, it's fat. Many light, skinny people can be unhealthier than heavier people. BMI is just a rough guide but was also created based on a very narrow set of people.
See a professional nutritionist or dietician but stop bothering your poor husband.

In answer to your thread question then, OP. I'm afraid it's definitely you from what you've described on here.

I agree with the previous posters suggesting a professional would be better placed to talk over your issues with than your husband. He isn't trained or equipped to deal with this.

My husband and I have a deal. If I talk about something with energy / emotion he will ask “do you want to vent, or do you want advice” - if venting - then he just listens + tells me I’m a badass. If advice then he’s allowed to hold forth.

this sounds like a communication issue that could be dealt with very easily with a bit of planning…

It’s hard for someone to ‘get it right’ if they don’t have a roadmap for what that looks like.

give him a very very clear roadmap!

Surely though, if you weigh more or the same, it's because you're gaining muscle?! I an 5'1, and weight about 10.5 stone. Which sounds heavy for my height. But I'm actually quite small, size 10. But I'm quite naturally muscular, which is why I weigh what I do. I never even bother weighing myself as it doesn't mean anything.
Just stop worrying about what you weigh! You probably have a naturally muscular build, and build muscle quickly ( I am like this). Which is why you tone up so quickly.

You sound a bit obsessed with your weight/size.
I agree with others who have said you might benefit from some therapy.

Aah OK I was thinking uk sizes, I'm assuming now it's not. I'm about the same weight and a uk 14