Who's the problematic one here?

It's not that muscle is heavier than fat, it's that it's more dense and therefore takes up less volume.

If you put 1lb of fat and 1lb of muscle beside each other the 1lb of muscle would be visibly smaller.

If Jenny and Julie (made up people!) were the same height and weight, but Jenny had 30% body fat and Julie had 20% body fat, Julie would be visibly slimmer.

Please don't encourage someone suffering from an eating disorder to buy scales with more data to obsess over.

Why don’t you get some scales that show the muscle mass, water etc as it will show the fat % come down and muscle go up even if the total weight isn’t changing.

If you're doing weightvteainingbthen ditch the scales as you'll be gaining muscle (heavy) and losing fat (space taking).

You're figure is better so the exetcise us doing its thing. The scales won't reflect this as you have more muscle.

Check out the inches not the kilos.

As someone who one has said you need another metric ie body fat percentage as clearly that is what you are getting at that you are heavy due to muscle. If that's the case then body fat measurement will prove it and give you something to monitor since you seem to want a number

Alternatively why not just stop weighing altogether as it clearly upsets you and go off measurements or clothes fit instead.

If you and your DH are both so into fitness I find it odd you don't know your body fat % as most gyms will do that for you if you don't have the scales at home that measure it. I know those aren't 100% accurate but they are a decent guide if done at the same time of day and hydration status. If you really really want to know you can pay for those body pod things that are accurate.

God, how tedious, your husband must have to put matches in his eyes to stay awake during these conversations.

Honestly if this thread is anything like your conversations with your husband all I can thinks is poor guy.

As about a million posters have already said - you're working out more and have more muscle which weighs more than fat so yes you weigh the same but you're slimmer. How many more times do you need to hear it?

If you were a 12 then and now you're an 8 then your definitely slimmer. Question answered. Please move on.

After having seen your updates about your actual weight you sound like you're at a healthy weight and should maybe stop looking at the scales. You're going weight training, muscle weighs more than fat.
Have you ever previously suffered from any type of eating disorders as you sound quite obsessed with the number on the scale?
Based on your initial post I thought you were going to be obese!

Stop weighing yourself. It's such a bad indication of anything useful for most people.
You are a size 8, your clothes fit well and you have muscle definition and a healthy workout regime.
Ignore the scales.

Can I ask why you're comparing your body now to when you were 23 specifically?

and what is your height, weight, waist size now?

Please don’t tell us you think size 10 is obese

How heavy and what size were you when you were obese?

OP, you mention how slim you were at 23 and how you were bullied when you were younger. Are you Chinese or Asian by any chance? I spent quite a few years in China and the women were obsessed with getting back to their university weight.

I think he’s unsupportive but I agree with him about the carbs. You can’t out exercise a bad diet so if you want to lose weight you need to look at that.

I think im 69kgs and I'm 5ft 2. I have huge boobs and I have a typical hour glass figure which I've hated most of my life. I used to be 7stone 6 for years and after I had my boys. Almost 40 and I definitely feel my metabolism has slowed down and hormone changes with pre menopause. I had a bout of obsessing over food and exercise which was unhealthy. I am the heaviest I've ever been and sometimes I hate my big parts but in reality I am really muscly and toned. I think you maybe need to stop focusing on the weight and concentrate on body fat and how you look. I could never be a size 8 again but looking back at photos I prefer myself curvier, I look healthier.

I'm not massive on cardio other than walking. If you feel healthy and happy, the number on the scales don't matter.

Men have a totally different make up to us.

I do have visible abs, and I'm a size 8
When I was away, I had at least 2000 calories a day and 2 pints...

You seem like a fit and healthy person. Your expectation of your DH to make you feel better when you discuss weight loss does not correlate with the things you expect him to say.

So here's the rub: you can't control or predict how someone reacts to something you say in a conversation.
Your expectations of your DH to make you feel better in this particular way need to change.

He clearly loves you and you share lots of interests. What are the ways he shows he loves you?

You need to be the voice inside your own head saying 'you look great, you've gained muscle and are toned, everything is just fine'.

Also, 2000 calories plus 2 pints is about 3000 cals - that's a fair amount tbf

If you want his support to lose weight then you need to allow him to be honest with you, otherwise he's just enabling you to not make any dietary changes and stay unhappy (if you are unhappy).
My husband used to be a professional fighter so we were always very interested in each others weights, what we were doing wrong, fixing the problems (I would always train/diet with him as support and because I also enjoyed it). I never once assumed he was calling me fat or something for saying "maybe you should reduce your carbs" for instance.

As an ex personal trainer based on what you've said, your diet will likely be the reason you're not losing weight so he is from what you've said trying to help, and maybe he's not being as sympathetic as you would like but if it's been 6 years of you being unhappy and nothing working then maybe he's trying to ramp it up. But also try not to focus on the scale numbers, BMI is a load of rubbish and clothes sizing is a much better indicator.

And as a side note, if you want to pm me I'm very happy to advise you on a diet plan.

Why should he just agree with you?

If you don't like his views, don't talk to him about it.

He's entitled to his own opinion and as long as he keeps it to himself unless you bring it up all is fine