To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

Why ? Were those children not family before she and her children joined the family ? I say this a step mother myself . My hubby leant ask me if he can leave them , they are family , if he goes to work and I’m home it’s assumed I care for them too and the opposite , if I go to work and my kids are home I assume he will make lunch and take care if them . It’s called being a family

A 12 and 14 year old might well have liked a trip to an aquarium OP - I’ve recently taken my 13 and 15 year old DS - they don’t remember going as little kids at all . They enjoyed it and they enjoyed being taken for lunch after ! Your DSC would have probably helped with your own DC and it might have been a good experience.

I notice you don't mention going with multiple preschoolers! Whether they'd like an aquarium plus lunch out somewhere afterwards is not the same question as whether they'd like going on the trip OP had already arranged with someone else. And we have no idea whether they'd have been fine helping.

Additionally, these teens don't seem to like getting out of bed at the time small children are up. Yours may, I don't know, but that's another thing to factor in here.

Basically there's a big difference between taking teens to a venue when you've planned a trip tailored to them, and them being grafted onto a trip planned around your own and someone else's under 5s at the last minute.

I mean their own father can't be bothered to supervise them...

OP can’t go for custody of two kids who she isn’t the parent of and have two parents who keep them fed, housed and safe.

No court is going to hand kids over to a stepmom because a 12 and 14 year old aren’t constantly supervised. Even when some of that time alone is after 6pm. Lots of kids that age don’t get babysitters in the evening, or parents constantly around during the day. It’s not a good reason to take them away from their parents.

OP hasn’t slagged the mother off, she’s simply made it clear that the mother thinks the kids are old enough and sensible enough to be left alone too. All the adults in this situation think the kids are capable of spending time on their own. And they are likely to know a lot better than you.

I'm sure she COULD but she should be asked

But the Op didn't do that! She asked and the kids didn't want to go! Did you read her answers?

I don’t understand this sort of post . Did you not know he had 2 children ? He is working but going out to have fun , as his wife can’t you just treat your step children as family and make them lunch ?
whne you say he doesn’t have to work , do you emma he can work from home or he would need to stop working those days ? If your family can take the hit from lost wages then yes I would be upset , if not then surely you work as a team and you help each other

I think you're entirely in the right, OP. In your situation I'd be telling your DH that if he thinks his kids should be going on family outings at the weekends, then he should be at home organising and participating. At the very least he should be checking there's food in for the older kids' lunch and communicating with them during the day. I actually think he should be there. He's not doing right by them IMO.

Most children would want to do that, doesn't mean that you should let them, especially if you're around and not working. I'd make sure the kids are up at a certain time and doesn't spend all day gaming and doing fun things. Doesn't matter if biological/nuclear or blended.
Of course many parents probably do let their kids do just that (some have no option due to lack of childcare, support whilst they're working). Doesn't make it wright.
Kids will push back but will appreciate being asked and often do enjoy it when they're out and about.

A 12 and 14 year old might well have liked a trip to an aquarium OP - I’ve recently taken my 13 and 15 year old DS - they don’t remember going as little kids at all . They enjoyed it and they enjoyed being taken for lunch after ! Your DSC would have probably helped with your own DC and it might have been a good experience.

Im also a Step mum though my DSD stayed at the weekend and school holidays . I can not imagine though ever having not fed her ! I juggled days out in the summer with a big gap in ages and we made it work - DH couldn’t have all the time off .She was easy going and a nice kid though not overly interested in her siblings .

Id at least give them the choice of coming the night before on the basis they have to get up for it .

If I was going to leave them I’d at least make sure there was food about they could easily access - peanut butter bread pasties crisps fruit that kind of thing . I’d go in and wake them and tell them what was there for them and to call me in an emergency .

Age wise I often leave my DS15 on his own for a few hours , only recently started leaving the DS13 for more than an hour or so . The older one is bomb proof the younger isn’t - it’s very dependent on personality . I personally think 12 is too young to be left all day but I’m sure there will be plenty of people saying they do to go to work .

Those poor kids to feel unwanted.

I do t think your completely wrong though because he is clearly not stepping up to his responsibility and just thinking you'll step in for him,when it's him they need and should be spe ding time with otherwise what's the point in having them. He sounds like a shitty father, the one weekend he has them and can't prioritise them? How does that make them feel. He wants all the nice bits without doing any of the graft. He must be a shit dad to yours too. Why are you with him OP

How sad. I thought the idea was that when you become a stepparent that you blend and become a parent, essentially. OP did get into a relationship with a man who had children.

I'd suggest men/women avoid getting into relationships with married people or those who have kids if they're not prepared to step in properly.

Just as an aside, in the house, likely on screens doesn't mean safe. Teenagers needs supervision,support and direction and the 12 year old certainly does. Do they not need support with homework ?, lifts ? would you not like to meet the friends they spend so much time with ?

Step-mums should never be substitute dads. That’s the fault in your basic premise. Dads should dad.

Honestly, read the thread and you’ll understand. OP would have to wait for the teens to wake at midday, eat lunch and then leave at 1pm.

Whereas OP and her young dc are up at 7am.

God this is so sad.

A dad that doesn’t give a shit.
A step-mum that views you as an inconvenience
Two more kids born into a family of parents who behave like this.
it’s despicable

I just love stepmum threads. So many posters bring all their own completely irrelevant baggage and just dump it on the OP

Absolutely!

Here's what people are ignoring. Why is their own Father choosing to work- instead of spending time with his own children? Catching up, cooking a meal, going for coffee- he could have a lovely time with them in age appropriate settings; whatever they wanted to do; shopping, bowling whatever. They will soon have busy social lives with friends/uni and he won't get a look in.

He could be helping the older one with coursework.

If it was because you need the extra shifts, money etc- I would say you should chip in and help OP, as he's doing it for the family unit. As he doesn't, I would say he is choosing to be away from his children.

The DSC are there for contact with their father: a father who can't be arsed with them. OP has her own children and isn't somehow magically supposed to step in when his children turn up to be with their father.

The post is about a second wife having her husband's first marriage's children dumped on her. They're NOT there for contact with her but with HIM.

He can't have it both ways. Your absolutely right and the kicking your getting here is bizarre. Step mums really are seen as the antagonist on mumsnet and I'm not one.

He's trying to alleviate his guilt over being a shit parent onto you.

Honestly your DP needs to sort shit out but I don’t understand why you are not planning family time with you all knowing that DSC are with you? It just feels a bit off that you’re doing stuff that you know they wouldn’t enjoy or want to be a part of

OP is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. DH is sloping off and leaving her in the lurch as his unofficial nanny.

When he asks her if his kids are ok she should simply turn the question back at him. In her shoes I would be talking to the DSC's mother. And document every incident. Perhaps a phone call to social services when he's out. I would certainly be speaking to a solicitor about the exact extent of my legal resonsibility.

He's taking the piss. He wants contact time but not actual contact. Perhaps OP could arrange to return them to their mum or her parents as this has to stop.

He sounds like a shit dad who expects you to look after all the kids

Why have you decided that she didn't invite the DSC to make a point?