To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

This.

If you read all the OP's posts its clear she does plenty for them. This is purely about a specific time of the week and plenty are working on the assumption that the DSC are missing out - they might not be at all. I'm sure the eldest relishes uninterrupted gaming time for that period by the sounds of it.

If you had 4 children the same age as the four in this thread you wouldn't always do something with them all due to the age gaps. The blended bit can be a red herring in that instance.

Besides, it's the dads insistence that the kids can be left alone and then objections when they're left alone that's the point of the thread.

'How are they ‘as bad as each other’? One is the parent actually responsible for providing care for his children. The other is OP who quite reasonably isn’t prepared to just accept what her husband is trying to dump on her. His failings aren’t on her.'

Because adults should do better. The kids deserve better. The op shouldn't treat her stepkids like guests, they are part of the family, her dc's siblings. They should not just be 'asked' but actually made to feel welcome.

Of course her dh is a shit but she married him, then had more kids with him!

Yes, OP has already explained that he only started to behave like this quite recently and it's because he thinks his children are now old enough for him to leave them. Not her though. Just him, their actual parent.

I totally get your point - either they’re old enough for you to not to have to do anything - in which case why is he checking whether you’ve done x/y/z, or they do need some looking after, in which case he should not be choosing to go to work. Have you spelt this out? When he asks if you’ve done something for them then your consistent response should be “you told me they didn’t need any looking after, so that’s why it’s fine for you to go to work on a Saturday “.

My eldest two are 13 and 11 and they have to be bribed to come with me at the weekend. They ride bikes/ play football/ game and are completely capable of rustling up lunch but not of tidying up afterwards strangely. Although they load dishwasher after dinner. School is a pressurised environment these days they both seem to need time just to chill and decompress.

It’d be nice if your DH also organised fun stuff to do with the older kids a bike ride/ trampoline park type stuff so they feel prioritised.

'This shit show is not the foundation to build a 'happy blended family' on'

Indeed. Makes you wonder why she'd go on to have more kids with him tbh unless his shit, absent parenting is something only recently revealed.

I disagree wirh the 'he can choose when he works' though, every self employed person I knows works when there is actually work as they obviously don't know when they'll have a quiet patch.

How are they ‘as bad as each other’? One is the parent actually responsible for providing care for his children. The other is OP who quite reasonably isn’t prepared to just accept what her husband is trying to dump on her. His failings aren’t on her.

Interesting that no one is name calling the actual mother of these children who also leaves them alone so she can do her own thing - including going out of an evening.

Nope, not unless that’s been explicitly agreed to by the would-be stepparent. If a parent wants that then it’s on them to make it clear from the very beginning, rather than just assume they can dump it on their spouse once they’re married.

Hang on a minute, OP has already said that he's self employed, so can choose to work weekends or not, and they don't need the extra income.

I'm always on the side of step kids and the bum deal they can normally get, but OP is perfectly entitled to be resentful of the situation that her DH is putting her in, without being resentful of the kids themselves.

He's choosing to opt out of being a parent every weekend.

This shit show is not the foundation to build a 'happy blended family' on.

No she isn't a wicked witch. They sound a right pair, as bad as each other.

Again, the poor kids.

Yep I've had/have teens. With a bit of encouragement they happily go places. Though with an absent dad and a disinterested adult supervising them, probably not.

As well as him expecting you to pick up some parenting slack with his own kids that he claims is not required (and so excuses any obligation on his part to be at all considerate of you) but still wants you to do, he is going into work at the weekend without consulting or notifying you and leaving you to do all the parenting of your joint kids? Is that something you’ve agreed on between you? Or is it something you don’t think you have as much right to call him on because these are your kids too?

Dad gets out of paying maintenance and gets out of weekend parenting any of his kids. He doesn’t seem to do much housework or cooking either.Cushty life for him!

Yes you’re right - she’s a wicked witch, man hero bread winner. How cold of her not to dedicate her non work time to placating teenagers who would be so delighted to head off to a soft play/anywhere else completely not interesting to someone of their age 🙃.
Have you ever met any teens ever? They’re awkward, lethargic and bored by most activities suggested to them.

Love mine to bits but wouldn’t wish them on anyone!

This is entirely your husband's fault. He's hiding at work and wants you to be an unpaid servant

I think you should offer for the DSC to join (if tickets are available) or if it's e.g. a soft play at a shopping centre then let them join in the car and mooch around whilst the littlies play. But ultimately he is just looking for a free nanny.... does he ever bother with the youngest kids or ignore them all?

'But the Op didn't do that! She asked and the kids didn't want to go! Did you read her answers?'

Yeah well asking them if they want to go and actually making them feel wanted and invited are 2 different things. Maybe they pick up on the very negative vibe in this awful household and say no thanks out of politeness?

The poor kids.

So the op is accountable and she should mend her ways rather than having any expectation that a father should actually parent his own children.

This is a household with 2 parents who work full time. Why should the one who lacks a penis not only spend her weekends looking after her own children but jollying her stepchildren along too. The reality is they want their dad, not her. He can’t be arsed with them so is passing the responsibility and then deriding her efforts. Win win for this hypocrite. I would lay good money that he treated his first wife in exactly the same way.

This is why many men continue to use women as domestic drudges. There are too many women picking up the slack whilst passing judgement on anyone who doesn’t share their misogynistic principles.

No you don't become a parent. You become a step parent. If the OP is a parent then I'm assuming it's ok for the stepkids to call her mum? If she is a parent then they SHOULD be calling her mum. If her and her dh split up she would have no rights over those children at all. So no, she isn't a parent to them.
I notice you haven't mentioned the actual parent in your post. What do you think about her husband disappearing on his contact weekends?
Why do you expect more from stepmothers than actual fathers?
You won't answer that. Because the answer is... because she's a woman. No one ever dares say that out loud. Raise your bar for fathers please.

This man thinks that children are women's work. He enjoys and benefits from the status of 'father', other men will pat him on the back for his ability to sire children (and manipulate the mothers into carrying all of the load).
Employers will see him as a dependable stable family man, who's a safe bet as an employee (in no small part because he has successfully subjugated the women concerned so that they have to do the actual childcare- meaning he can always be available for work, can take any and every opportunity to progress his career, increase his earning potential).
He gets the benefits while outsourcing the work of being a parent to women, they are the ones who make the sacrifices, while he gets the advantages.

Have you even read the thread?

The father is deciding to work weekends even though he doesn't need to
The older kids don't want to go on days out with the younger kids although asked. They would rather stay at home or go out with their friends but the Dad thinks the Op should just stay in and see to their needs.

How do you think that is in any way reasonable?

So did you point out that he’d said it makes no difference to you if he goes into work or not as they don’t need looking after? And if so, what was his response?

(YANBU, by the way)