To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

What you've written here, though guesswork, is much more caveated than the poster claiming he'd already shown OP who he was, that the evidence was already there with the other kids. Saying you'd bet is different from claiming something as a definite.

Poor kids.

How much does he interact with them in the evening when back from work?

14yo will be getting to the stage where they may want to spend more time with friends, but 12yo probably won’t be there yet, unless out of necessity

Do you get on with his kids? I think if I got on with them and had a great blended relationship with them I'd want to include them where I could, but I'd also be firm with my DH asking have they ate when he's also saying they are ok to leave.

How is it nasty? OP made these plans in advance with the dad fully knowing what she was doing. He didn’t say anything to his own children or asked them if they wanted to go or OP if she would take them.

Not sure where you live, but where we are it is Easter holidays and everything is pretty much booked up. Who knows if she would have been able to even get a ticket for two on short notice.

So OP's fault is not being a doormat?

If he was single , he'd do the exact same thing, just without another adult to pick up the slack sometimes.

No, that isn’t the commitment she automatically took on. If the parent wants that for their kids then the onus is on them to make that clear from the beginning, and you know, not marry someone that isn’t prepared to provide it. Becoming a family doesn’t mean ‘becoming the default free childcare’.

That is all once again on the parent, not the person they want to strong-arm into that role.

I think it’s a bit nasty of you not to take them. Imagine if someone treated your child like that?

“If the situation was entirely different you’d do something entirely different!!” - no shit. They’re not her own kids, that’s the point. They’re his kids, and his responsibility.

She shouldn’t, and doesn’t, have to. That’s the bottom line. If he’s working then he needs to source childcare, not just assume he can dump it on his wife

I'm torn on this. On the one hand, your DH is mostly to blame. He is a bad father. He shouldn't be doing into work at the weekend instead of being with his kids, how heartbreaking for them. On the other hand I think that you should not marry a man with kids unless you're genuinely prepared to treat them as family. My friend always includes her step kids in everything, even though the age gap with her own small ones is 10 years and even though the dad is useless. That's the commitment she took on when she let the kids into her life. If you're not willing to do that then you shouldn't marry someone with children.

This is how step parents/step families get a bad rep on here.

What court ordered this?

It's a despicable system when men go for 50:50 so they pay no CSA then dump the kids with the new wife that doesn't want them.

“I'm not arranging bowling for teens with two toddlers in tow 😂”

I don’t see why that is so hilarious. If they were your own kids that’s exactly what you’d be doing. It’s really normal for younger kids to have to follow round the older ones or to have to wait around while older kids are doing activities. There is a lot you could do that would make their weekends nicer. Now you might argue you shouldn’t have to because their dad should be- that’s a debate for you both to have but if he’s working because you all need the money then it’s within your gift to be a bit more accommodating rather than trying to prove a point.

That's exactly how shit dads keep getting away with being shit.

Keep on as you are OP. If your DH is worried his children are feeling neglected, he can bloody well be present for his contact time with them then, can't he?

I have taken to thinking well I'll just get on with my day then, still going out with the little ones, he will make comments about lunch saying she should be making sure they have something, he says it's mean of OP not to take DSC out with her

All quoted from the first post. Subsequent posts then say she does invite them out and does feed them.

I still don't get your point of picking at my responses.

What OP does:

Looks after and caters to the SC when she's around.
Lets them know when she leaves, checks on them and that they're ok and have everything they need.
Invites them on her days out when she can/it's suitable.

What their father does:

Goes to work with very little or no warning, but that's ok , because they're old enough and don't need looking after.
Moans OP isn't looking after the kids that he says don't need looking after.

And somehow she's the bad guy?

Oh @babaisyou I am not being disingenuous at all. Yes, you've mentioned her DH but as an aside, the OP is your focus. I'm not arguing with you about that, it's what you have said throughout the thread. One of your responses read simply 'The OP should step up as a stepmother' that stood out to me. The OP is doing just fine, she is allowed to do things with her own children. No mother needs any permission to do things with their own children.Their father left for the day, without mentioning anything to the OP, knowing she had a lovely day out planned and booked with her sister. She did the right thing by taking her own children on that planned day out. It was up to their father to manage their feelings around this one outing because it was his fault. I'm not going to respond to you anymore because I have no time for people who ignore what the OP actually writes and just plough ahead with their own narrative. That narrative is always piling on the blame, responsibility and pressure on the woman, especially a stepmother who I have no doubt is doing her best. I hope you have a nice day.

She married him knowing she’d have to be his free nanny on demand? Really, are you confident that was in her wedding vows? HE had children knowing they were HIS responsibility for the next 18+ years, ALL THE TIME. Why does he get to opt out? Why don’t you hold him accountable for HIS choices? You’re being a misogynist, it’s not a woman’s job to cover a man’s shit parenting.

I think even if he was at home and not working, he would still be hassling you to take his kids out with you 🙄. He sounds like the type.

Except their father doesn't parent because he thinks they're old enough to not need parenting. Then get pissy when his wife (who is not actually their parent) does the same.

I was just thinking, I wonder where this stuff about you knowing what he was like before having DC with him had come from. You'd said nothing about his behaviour when the DSC were younger. Now we see it was purely assumption from that poster. Now we see it was purely assumption from that poster.

Because men don't turn into shit dads overnight, I know some people kid themselves that they do, but it's usually that people have tolerance levels and overlook things until they can't. I very much doubt this working on the weekend thing is a new or an isolated incident, it'll be a pattern of behaviours, his personality. He may not have done this specific thing when the kids were younger, but I would bet a lot of money he'll have done plenty of other selfish things that this isn't suddenly "surprising".

If he has the kids 50-50 then surely he will have to be working a lot of the time he has them at your house? Unless your both very wealthy and paying bills etc isn’t an issue then he has to go out and work surely?

Would you be happy OP if your husband only works on days he doesn’t have his older children? That would possibly mean bringing home less money and also spending less time with you and your younger children??

Yes exactly this. I get that it's probably a bit shit for them to be left out but why the clamour for op to change what she's doing?

Is it because posters know the crap bloke wont ever bother so it's obviously the woman that's going to be guilted into prioritising kids that aren't hers?