To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

He shouldn’t have had more children if he can’t afford them. How do you think his kids would feel to know dad never sees them because he has to work more because HE MADE THE CHOICE to have more children? Do you think they’d be fine with that?
Why are some people so resistant to the idea of holding men accountable for their own choices?

Does he work every weekend? Or does he specifically aim to work the weekends the older children are there? If so i would lose a lot of respect for him as a dad/person for actively avoiding being there and it is then very hypocritical for him to expect you to be thinking of their lunch etc.

@MarygoldRose what on earth are you talking about? Cinderella was actually told she wasn't going if I recall and you are derailing an interesting and important thread about step dynamics with your hyperbole.

I’m missing the point but why are you with him?
He would rather work than spend any time with his dcs or you?

what does he bring to the relationship?

The situation is either:
a) poor kids, need looking after, their Dad should be staying home to do so or making arrangements for them
or
b) kids are fine doing their own thing, Dad can go to work

In both cases, stepmum can carry on with her day with their younger child.

Except, presumably, on the weekend/holiday days when she works/goes out and dh parents all 3 of his children. That's half of the time, right?

Why not? It’s a great activity for blended families

OP also works.

He’s supposed to source childcare, like all parents.

but he has the kids 50-50 so is he not supposed to work any of these “contact” hours? Shall he just stop working then and stop paying the mortgage and the electric bill?

Why do people go on to have kids with someone that already proves themselves to be a shit parent? You know what’s coming when your DC is older at least - a father that doesn’t give a shit about them and will quite happily leave them alone all day so he can bugger off out to optional work.

Tell him to ask their Nanny these questions…. What a dick!

@PickledFrog I think you've misunderstood what he meant. When he said they don't need looking after, he meant by him, he's too busy and important for that. He does want them to be looked after though.

Who would you lose your shit at? I hope it’s their dad, contact time is for them to see him, not for him to work. I wonder who is expected to pay for these outings too. If it’s OP then he’s taking the piss

What the kids are doing during that time matters. Mine stay in, mostly on screens, sometimes in the garden. They might venture as far as the corner shop. They aren't roaming the streets or parks for hours getting up to whatever. The kids being left at home is not an issue. The dad expecting something different from their stepmum to what he is prepared to do is an issue.

I did/ still do the same.
I have always been happy to have my step child while my husband worked - we have them every weekend and he has to work every other.
when I had my daughter I continued to include my step child on days/ out activities. It often ended with them refusing to come last minute or just refusing to get out of bed (13 at the time). It caused all kinds of tension as I was then late/ having to cancel with friends/ family.
I ended up saying that I would be continuing with my plans, I wasn’t staying at home with a baby all day while step child stayed in their room. Told my husband that if it was a problem he would need to change his hours to suit.

Why poor , poor stepchildren? When they've been invited to tag along they said no.

I doubt they sit all day long, looking longingly out the window , waiting for an adult to come home.

He knew what he was getting into when he married a woman that wasn’t the mother of his children 🤷🏻‍♀️

Non - wicked stepmother seems to mean ‘acquiescent bangnanny’ so good for her for dodging that bullet.

I mean at 12/14 my own mum went out to work and left us home alone during school holidays so it's hardly a reach that a stepmum does the same at the weekend 🤷

If the dad thinks they don't need looking after so he can go to work, then he can't put expectations onto OP of looking after them - it doesn't swing both ways!

OP seems absolutely fine, if she's home she'll make food for everyone, if she's going somewhere she will let them know she's going out + offer if they want to come sometimes. Shockingly my mum did stuff with my siblings alone occasionally too, but I guess that's okay because she's not a stepmum?

The only problem I can see in this situation is her DH having double standards tbh.

Nope. Families with large age gaps between the eldest and youngest don't automatically traipse them all round to the same activity, much less an activity that the youngest ones stand a good chance of ruining for everyone. It's also totally normal for teenagers to just stay at home or do something else instead.

I'm the eldest of five, and we didn't all go everywhere together. Especially not by the time I was in my mid teens. When we did, it was for more sensibly chosen activities than bowling with a child under 4, which OPs youngest must be.

Teens don't want to tag along on outings geared around pre-schoolers. Pre-schoolers can't engage in outings that teens might (I'm saying "might" because some teens really don't like outings with parents at all) enjoy.

OP either organises outings for the preschoolers or stays in with them all day. If their father - who, as he is self-employed, has a choice - wants an adult with the teens, he should be that adult.

Don't be so sure. DD has options when she's off and I have to work, including coming with me. Since she started secondary she chooses to stay home.

We have some teens in our neighbourhood who are out ‘running free’ without direction or activities for hours and hours on end. They are engaging in all sorts of undesirable activities.

I’d be concerned if the kids are, as you say, unsupervised for hours on end at both Mum’s and Dad’s house. The antics get worse as they get older.

UA definitely NBU.

He wants it both ways.

Re food, does he make any effort to ensure his kids have something for lunch before he swans off. No need to answer.

You haven’t really answered the question of if you’re wealthy enough for your husband to not be working all the hours he can though?

I don’t understand alot of comments on this thread calling him a shit dad. A shit dad would be going to the pub or to do a hobby rather than going out to work and provide for his family. He has the children 50-50, he’s self employed so possibly weekends are more lucrative than weekdays?

If OP was on here complaining her man only works a few hours a week while the children are at school and refuses to work weekends and they can’t afford to pay their bills people would be calling him a shit dad too for not working all the hours to provide for his family.