To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

He should properly ask you in advance to look after them. Then you can both discuss your plans.

Those poor kids, growing up with a mum and dad that can't be bothered with them.

He also would need to ask in advance of the time when he wants the favour, instead of after it.

There was a thread on here recently about how blending doesn't work. There we're so many post's from adult children of them and most were negative and depressing to read. Dont know the name of it but look it up op...if you care enough to.

So when does husband spend any time with his kids? All 4 of them? Does he work every weekend or just those his older children come to visit? Do you get to spend time with him as a family with your younger children?

I don’t think you’re in the wrong here, if you were to stay at home each time they were here how could you plan anything. And the age gap between your kids and the older kids is such that it does make it hard to do something they would all enjoy, my kids all hate bowling it’s never been enjoyable I think my eldest was ok with it but my younger 2 really found it boring.

But your husband needs to be saying right step mum is taking the little ones out with her sister why don’t we go to (McDonald’s/theme park/shopping etc) even staying in and playing video games or just making their lunch and being there for them, or all of you going on a day out. expensive with 4 I know I have 4 with big age gap and there were times I’d take my youngest 2 out somewhere and I’d ask my eldest if he wanted to come and he didn’t he’s as happy at home on his gaming stuff or whatever. He’d come to certain things though. Just depended and my middle son would usually come as too young to be left, then be ‘bored’ you can’t always win with kids.

anyway, I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable. Your husband is opting out of parenting and life with his family and somehow you’ve been painted as the bad one for actually trying to do stuff with your own little ones where you don’t want 2 mardy bored teenagers ruining it and wanting to come home. I would have serious words with dh that he’s behaving terribly and you are not his back up childcare then making you feel bad. He’s a bit of a nob really

Well, given that only 45% of marriages last, I'm sure that in about 8 years time, it will be your two children sitting at home all alone, when their Step mum goes out for the day with the "new" children. But that'll be ok with you, because it's what you did yourself. Right?

Your DH shouldn't be working when his kids are at yours, that much is clear, BUT, if he has to go in for an emergency, then of course you should include ALL children in whatever activities are taking place. If you're not willing to do that, then you shouldn't have married a man who already had kids.

This reminds me of my own kids Step mum, who used to take her own children in the car to school and leave mine to walk. Still makes me really upset and it's over 10 years ago now.

Why did you have more kids when he’s such a rubbish dad?

dont act surprised in 10 years when they want nothing to do with any of you and have no relationship with their siblings!

@PickledFrog yup, but their father must love them because he chose to work weekends. The mental gymnastics are hilarious really. I hope you can see the funny side of this thread and not take it to heart.

I think this is one of those ones where you are not at all being unreasonable, but that the inescapable reality is that family life often makes unreasonable demands of us.

But a lot of blame lies with your DP. Would he be leaving them alone if he wasn’t living with you??

This is a problem that will resolve quite soon, and I’d try and take the long term view that before you know it they will be hitting full teen rebellion, spreading their wings and leaving home… maybe try and create some happy family memories and lay the foundations for affectionate half-sibling relationships later on.

But I do see it could cause you at least double the hassle. Depending on your financial set up you could ask for a bigger contribution to your joint account / your own account to recognise the added undertaking.

He's asking retrospectively about the trips, so he can't be that bothered. If he thought they deserved the opportunity to be asked along to a trip with preschoolers, the time to make that point was before the trip.

@PickledFrog who the fuck does he think you are, their nanny? Mean? Mean? Tell him he's mean for choosing to work when its HIS time with his fucking children. Prick.

@PickledFrog maybe you should stop doing all that (which I knew it would all fall to you) and just take them out on days out instead whether they want to or not. Definitely less work involved.

He’s working at the weekend by choice according to OP…

the husband is trying to dump responsibility for his children on OP. She’s not taking it, and nor should she. They’re HIS responsibility. HE needs to change his plans for the sake of his children, not expect OP to.

Or they're being treated exactly the same by their SM as they are by their parents. Something they are used to and presumably happy enough with. Which bar actual abuse and neglect it's actually the baseline and SMs are expected to follow the parent's patterns.

Explain to me why a SM doing what a mother and father are doing is simply not good enough?

The reason the husband is doing this is because he can, because she is powerless and there's nothing she can do that doesn't make her look bad. She can't get back at him without hurting the children, he is holding his children to ransom.
This is what many men are like, any opportunity they see to exploit a woman and they're in there like a rat up a drain pipe.