To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

Those poor children. Both you and your husband sound like you deserve each other.

Elaborate.

Well why isn’t he looking after them and doing stuff with them? He’s a shit Dad and I would be telling him so - no work when the kids are here - as well as his own.

This. It's quite unfair to leave ALL child contact to you. And unfair for his 2. He needs to step up.

But you don't do anything with them do you.
Take them out. Take an interest in them for once. Really at 14 - 12 years old they can't be left alone for long periods of time. And they shouldn't be sleeping in until 1pm!

Have you even had a discussion with your husband about the SC.

Your their kids and my kids attitude is so unhealthy

As usual on this type of thread, a lot of people aren't reading what the OP actually says, but insist on getting bent out of shape over an imaginary scenario. Like, OP does nothing at all for her stepkids, she pretends they don't exist! Except for the quite a lot of things she does do for them. She won't take them out with her own DC! Except when she does; the rest of the time they don't want to come too. Her poor husband has to work weekends to keep the roof over two families' heads! Apparently he doesn't, especially given that both mothers work full time and, since care is 50-50 for the DSC, there isn't likely to be any maintenance going either way. She left the house early out of spite! She'd already arranged to meet family, and the teens prefer to sleep in till early afternoon. (I've had 4 teens - they tend to be like that, given the choice. Apparently it's natural because they're doing a lot of growing/developing at that stage.) And the really random accusation that she left them in the house without any food - well, to be fair, I don't remember OP enumerating the contents of their fridge at any point, so maybe she really did leave them to starve, but that certainly wasn't the implication.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes - YANBU.

HOW OFTEN DOES HE WORK ON A SATURDAY?

She most certainly is. Don’t think I said otherwise.

There will be tit for tat though between who will be doing/not doing what.
These things obviously become a battle before the OP either gives in to her husband’s expectations or he begrudgingly starts taking care of his children. By then the rot has already started setting in.

She doesn't @paulaparticles she has no responsibility for them at all. All a stepmother needs to do is be kind and welcoming. That's it. She shouldn't take on childcare, extra housework or any financial responsibility for 2 children she had no involvement in the conception of. Because their father should be doing all of that.
I would be mortified if I found out my ex's partner was doing his parenting for him. Absolutely mortified and I would tell him so.
The OP already takes on a lot of their care despite working full time herself. She is allowed to spend her downtime with her own young children. She should spend her downtime with her own young children. Her own young children deserve a normal Weeke d with their mum. If they don't want to join her like hell should she stay in.
OP hasn't mentioned what she's actually said to her dh about this though. In my house, he would have tried disappearing once and he wouldn't have done it again. He is there father. He needs to parent his children. No ifs no buts.

it's the lack of a caring role by yourself as a stepmum and how you don't see how you have responsibility to them in any shape...

How do you think it should be? They have two parents.

She already listed the things that she does for them since they are there 50% of the time and also asks them if they want to go with her or not when she is taking out the younger siblings.

She is showing more responsibility then their own father from the read of things yet he wants her to do more while he does even less.

Good lord. OP you do plenty. Your DH doesn't do any of this either? Tho I think the DC are old enough to do most of these.

What is DH doing when you're doing all this, OP? Sounds like you've got all the housework as well as working full time?

You're just being goady now. Below is what OP does for the DSC even though she works FULL TIME.

I make evening meals 9 days out of 10 which they eat.
I wash their clothes, bed clothes, sports kits
I hoover their room most of the time and often end up tidying it too.
I pick them up from hobbies on my way home from work during the week most of the time.
I pay half for our holidays, food they eat, the home they live in and so on.

She doesn’t. ‘Stepparent’ is a title, that’s it. If a parent wants a spouse that will accept the role of childcare provider then they need to make that clear before they marry someone that isn’t signing up for that.

Is it reasonable to leave young teens for the whole day? Is it something you want for your teens?

If she doesn't want it for her kids when they become teens, she can choose not to leave them alone?

Its neglectful parenting though...how is it not ???

So the mum leaving her kids gets a 'none of your business' but OP leaving the kids will definitely lead to 'something bad' that will result in being jailed

You anti-stepmums are so hilarious in your double standards.

She's not slagging their mother off for doing it. She's responding to the people implying the mum would be outraged if she knew the children were being left alone. She's not. Because none of the adults think it is neglect. Because it isn't neglect.

It's always the step mum's fault somehow.

A court would laugh you out if you suggested leaving a 14yo and 12yo alone at night or the day is neglect.

happy to slag her for doing it though.

OP hasn't slagged her off, she's just stating the reality.

Funny how even the actual parents leaving their kids is OP's fault now.

It's not even that you leave them home alone cuz that's understandable to do sometimes...it's the lack of a caring role by yourself as a stepmum and how you don't see how you have responsibility to them in any shape....

OP - their mother leaves her children to be cared for by thier father. If he chooses to leave them with you during his time - that has nothing to do with her or what she does with her time - none of your business.

PErsonally I would not want to be the person infront of the judge when something bad has happened and you and your pathetic DP argue about who was looking after the 12 yr old.

You re point scoring gunst your DP, drip feeding to hustify your actions and you almost gloat in your actions and feel justified. This whole thread make me nauseous - 2 adults behaving like petty toddlers - grow the hell up both of you.