To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

picking out the bits that suit you 🙈 read it all will ye 😬

What do you think single parents do? Or military families? Or families where one parent works at the weekend?

Even in my very average two-parent family, DH takes the boy to football, I take the little one to the petting farm, and my teen lazes around at home, all on her own, making her own lunch. She doesn't care. She's not suffering.

If he spends the weekend working when does he spend time with any of his kids, including the youngest? Is he a crap father?

We went bowling for my 4 year olds bday, can confirm 2 year old was a nightmare

I think you are getting some very harsh responses here. The reality is that even with all your own children those very different ages you probably wouldn’t get to spend all that much time doing family things together, the needs are too different.

Teens/tweens don’t generally want to go on family days out, that’s completely normal.

However I would make sure there was something there for lunch and maybe once every few weeks try and do something that everyone can do, like lunch or dinner out.

this thread is bonkers. The actual point of the op was to ask if the dad is trying to have cake and eat it too.

Either they need supervision and feeding - in which case he can do it.
or they don't - in which case OP should be able to go out with her sister for the day without their father calling her about their food

Why can't he call his kids and tell them what's in the fridge for their lunch? or, you know, only work weekends when they're at their mum's?

Everything OP has said after the initial post isn't "drip feeding" it is answering bloody rude questions.

Yet plenty of biological parents split up activities between kids with big age gaps and no one bats an eyelid.

Exactly. Mine are the same. After a week of school, they just want to relax at the weekend. I can imagine their faces if I made them go to soft play.

Yes they would but their parents might still be about so no feeling of parents just pissing off & not being arsed.

The children need to come first in this, step children or not. This is one family. The person who is least to blame is the 12 yo.

You really think the mum will pay for childcare when she also leaves the dc at home during her 50% of having them?

And your post didn't even suggest outside childcare help, quite a drip feed by you, ironically.

I think he sounds crap but you sound peevish and nasty.

No she doesn't. Not one bit. She just has boundaries. Isn't it fascinating how some women view other women who dare to have boundaries? The OP has taken on the vast majority of the stepkids day to day care. Is that peevish and nasty?
He sounds crap BUT. There's always a but. That but is always a rush to tell a woman, especially a stepmother, that she is just not doing enough.
Some of you have such low standards for fathers. It's sad.

When it comes to actual human children you need to drop the pettiness.

First of all do they need looking after or not?
Your husband says they don't but then he wants you to.
Ignore what he said or does and use your own brain and thoughts here.

Do they need looking after or not?

Do they feed themselves when neither of you are there? Do they seem happy enough with the arrangement? Some would love it and some wouldn't.
If they're happy enough then great.

If they're not happy with it and they're not feeding themselves then drop the pettiness and tell your husband that you feel that they do need looking after.
It's all very well saying that it's his choice as their dad.

But if you split up then he you might not be happy with his choices when it comes to looking after your children, so now when you're together is the only real time you have to try to influence his parenting, he won't give a flying fuck what you have to say if you're split up.

And if the kids are happy to stay at home by themselves then tell your husband enough is enough commenting about you going out.

I think he sounds crap but you sound peevish and nasty.

I could never imagine a situation where I’d take my biological children to a zoo or trip out and leave my SC home alone to make a point. Poor kids.

Shame on you for that. They are going to be fucked up when they’re older from the neglect from their parents.

Why do women get with men with children then spend the marriage resenting them?

omg yes I did your right 😬
I suggested that dad and stepmum have the children less so that mum could have some child support and use it to pay for decent childcare.
Always good to throw in suggestions as the thread developed and it became apparent the children are an inconvenience to all three adults. If you've read the full thread you can surely agree.

@Rosscameasdoody

I can easily believe it if they’re doing what MN does best - picking things out of the air that OP’s haven’t said, and projecting their own experiences instead of looking at the facts

Quite!

@PickledFrog you may as well leave the thread. So many posters on here just seem to want to argue the toss and are often quite nasty about it, too.

It really seems to have got worse over the last few years, with posters happy to stick the boot in, even when someone is struggling.

I completely understand the point you're making, and agree that he can't have it both ways... they're either old enough to leave to their own devices during the day, or they're not.

If they're not, then he should be checking with you in advance whether or not you're happy/free to help out.
If they are, then he should not be moaning that you've not stayed in to make them lunch, or changed your plans to stay home, or spent your day checking up on them, etc.

OP I think you need to ask yourself how you envisage spending time with your biological DC when they are 12/14. If you think you will be leaving them to their own devices as that's what teenagers do then fair enough. However, if your model of parenting involves still spending time with your teenagers then you (AND your DP) need to start doing this stuff with your DSC, and occasionally this will mean a toddler tagging along to an activity that is not primarily aimed at them. I have a big age gap between my children and yes, I routinely took older kids to a swim park (obviously when they could swim) and spent my time in the toddler pool with the little one. Likewise I have done things like bowling , trampoline parks etc with a 2 year old in tow.It does get easier - its great now my oldest DCs can babysit the younger ones or drive them around to things. That's what being a family is all about. Your DP also needs to make more of an effort to be part of the family at weekends IF you as a family can afford to. Unfortunately at the moment it seems like you think the DSCs are an inconvenience/not your problem and you are doing your DP a favour looking after them. They are your DCs siblings and part of your family.

My own DD does that given the option.
Most children we know that age do. A lot of families we know tag team or take turns to take various siblings of various ages to age appropriate activities.

Somehow that's all normal and ok in biological families, but evil and horrible in blended families. I mean, posters keep saying she should treat them like her own kids. Plenty of parents treat their own kids that way.

No, nothing has been changed since you said OP should have custody and then changed it to ex should have custody.

Nice try though!

So if a mum and dad parented a certain way and said certain things about their ability, the SM should step in and change things against their wishes/words? That would go great , wouldn't it?

It's funny how people keep saying "poor kids" when most kids that age would love being able to lie in bed late then spend the day watching TV, playing video games, playing with their friends etc. I hated being dragged out at weekends to attend toddler activities, visit relatives, or go shopping.

drip feeding etc

Good for you. What do you want? A cookie? Their mother feels and does differently. It happens.

Info in the thread changed and I obviously changed my tone along with it... rtft...