To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

Yea, in all honesty I'd only skim read the post and had missed that they had 50/50 custody. Either way its the parents that are letting them down, not the op. All she can do is what she is doing. I'd not be settling for someone who was actively choosing not to be involved in his kids lives though. And that goes for their kids together as well - he's still choosing to work weekends rather than spend time with them,even if their mum is around.

From OP’s posts, these children have no more engagement (possibly less) when at their mother’s house. So maybe OP should actually expect to see more of them?

He's self-employed and doesn't have to work at the weekend. But he chooses to, so he can avoid spending time with his children. He is a disgrace. I feel sorry for the children, especially as they'll be fully aware of his attitude too.

& self-employment isn't the 'yeah but he's working' gotcha some seem to think it is. Ive been self-employed for 20+ years and know self-employed people too. It is perfectly do-able to not work 7 days a week, the ones I know who do that - & it's always the men - are blatantly opting out of their family life. They don't want to be at home much, they just want the home comforts everything neat tidy and sorted, washing done and dinner ready, when they are there.

Unfortunately this is who he is OP and I very much doubt you can change him.

Don't worry, I'm sure they won't bother coming much longer. My kids are 15 and 12 and due to the fact their dad will use the one day a week he is meant to be spending with them to have a bath or a lie down are now beginning to choose to stay here rather than uproot themselves just to spend the day on the ps or their phones at their dad's.

I just think he wants his cake and to eat it too. You can't say oh it makes no difference to you because they can look after themselves so I'm going out and then in the same breath moan about me not looking after them? Can they look after themselves or not? If they can then it shouldn't matter that I get on with my day, if they can't then he should be at home or at the very least asking me if it's okay. What do you think ?

Just a little reminder of what the OP asked. And another reminder that she hasn’t been back to the thread for some time. Don’t fucking blame her looking back through her updates and responses. Didn’t take long for the thread to descend into a pile of batshit with people slagging her off on ‘facts’ they’ve made up as they go along did it ?

Ok.... cards down time then. Why don't you post on the OP's scenario? No projection, no (multiply incorrect) assumptions. Ignore all you have (and you definitely have) made up....

Is OP reasonable to be pissed off at her DP saying the kids can be left alone then being narky when they're left alone? 'Cos that's all this is about...

He doesn’t bother with them on the Saturday when he works. OP resents him then suggesting she should bother with them without being asked. That’s all we know. The rest you have made up. Some of it in direct contradiction to things OP has told us. So lies.

'Make up lies'. Honestly .

The df doesn't bother with them, the op clearly and understandably resents that. The kids will pick up on all the negativity. The adults need to sort the situation out, it is not ok. In my opinion.

You haven’t simply posted opinion. You make up lies about what the children are experiencing in order to try and justify your opinion. I know that happens a lot on AIBU but it isn’t the purpose of a chat forum. It’s just nasty.

@Janiie of course you are making things up, from proper obvious bs like "being left alone all weekend " to your assumption they must be miserable and hate it and stating this as a fact.

Ironically the parenting threads are full of parents moaning about their teens "festering" in their bedrooms and how they have to force them to go out, when they're mostly miserable . They get told it's perfectly normal and to leave the kids alone if they're happy.

I'm not sure you understand the purpose of a chat forum. The op posts a scenario and invites folk to comment. There's no right or wrong, no 'lies' or 'making things up' just different opinions. My opinion is totally different to the understandably bitter sounding op's and that is fine. You need to start accepting other people are allowed their point of view.

That’s a decision for their parents, not you or Op. and both their parents disagree with you (as do many parents). I also can’t see how it would change a response to OP’s AIBU.

Generally I agree, but the younger one is only 12, so I wouldn't leave a child that age for more than 2 or 3 hours max.

You are kind of making things up though by your poor assumptions of what the kids life must be like based solely on Saturday mornings.

(Not to mention the fact its not even the point of the OP)

They aren’t even ignored on the Saturday morning, so they can’t be ignored for the whole visit. More lies Janiie, it’s all you can mange.

And the AIBU is about the DH saying the kids are fine on their own on Saturday then acting up if OP hasn’t changed her plans when they’re there. Not about whether the kid’s weekend is good or not. So even if they were ignored and left to their own devices, it isn’t anything to do with the AIBU.

Those kids deserve better, the df and his dw EXw need to do better.

Assuming you're speaking about the OP when you say dw, I've FTFY.

No not bitter or resentful, nor do I makes things up!

Those kids deserve better, the df and his dw need to do better. Hope that clears things up for you.

I think the ex wife has played a blinder. She got rid of a bad husband who subsequently provided a parental substitute who'll cook an evening meal, wash clothes, etc for her children, ferry them to clubs, activities.

The teens got a Saturday lay in. If, as a teenager, my parents had heeded well meaning advice that deprived me of valuable lay in time I can’t say I’d have felt particularly grateful. Less inclined to say ‘thank you’ than ‘fuck off’, tbh.

Those poor kids.

This thread is just about Saturday. OP has already said she often does transport for the DSC's hobbies and I'd think the eldest probably enjoys a Saturday lie in then some gaming/social time to themselves.

I agree that the husband deserves a bollocking, but that's not going to turn him into a decent father who's got time for his children.
Rather it will make him more belligerent and determined to make the mothers of his children do the childcare work while he spends his time investing in himself.
I don't know what the answer is but you can't make a silk purse out of a pig of a man.

'If a woman with 4 biological children of these ages posted along the lines of "my DH chooses to work on a Saturday when he doesn't need to leaving me with four kids to juggle" I don't think she'd be getting responses of "Well you've got to do something with all of them..."

I think most have said yes she has married a shit, had more kids with said shit. The dh needs a thorough bollocking and/or leaving if she doesnt like him working. In the meantime however until the adults get their arses in gear the 12 and 14 year old deserve to be involved, to be welcomed, to feel part of the family not festering in a room until hometime.

You’re absolutely right nobody would be telling a mum she should take all of her children out.

I’m a mum of 4 and taken my younger children who can’t be left unsupervised while my 13 year old has stayed at home. It’s only when the child is a stepchild that the batshit hysterical comments come out. People seem to lose their common sense.