How to cope when your life isn’t how you imagined it?

I'm sorry to read that you are struggling and have suicidal thoughts. I think the first thing you should do, before moving, divorce, courts etc, is go the GP, get some medication and in the queue for some counselling. If you can stretch to private sessions, do that as you will be seen much quicker.
Your problems will all not magically disappear if you move. Although I understand the mindset of moving and being unhappy with your support network rather than without it.

I didn't expect my mam to die just after my youngest was born so they won't even have memories of her... life is just shit.

You can change your situation if your unhappy.

But for your question of 'how?' you just keep going because there is only really 2 options: 'power on' or 'check out' and lets be honest no one is advising anyone check out of life so we all just power on because we have too.

He won’t want the child full time op. He works. So it is more likely to be weekend custody, you can move closer to your family. I feel maybe you’re looking for reasons not to go, that it’s like a pipe dream but you’re not brave enough or willing enough as the reality might be different? That you want to go but for him to come with you?

I guess for your partner his job, his family his social circle is there and this was the deal from the start that you agreed to.

You change the things you can and accept the things you can’t. A brief summary but I find this applies in all circumstances. I couldn’t do anything about my husband dying, I could do something about my life afterwards.

Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that life rarely works out the way you want it? One of the reasons people are so unhappy is that they expect too much of life. I have the letters my great grandfather wrote home from the trenches in WW1. All he wants is to walk in the park, play with his children, and watch the flowers grow. For him, sitting in a trench in France, that seems like heaven. Just to be out of the sound of gunfire would be heaven! Today, people want a big house, a perfect family, an exciting career, and on and on. I’m not criticising the OP. We’re all victims of this mindset. The less you want, the happier you’ll be.

You really do need to get some reliable advice about this.

I have a feeling that a lot of your issues are to do with the state of your relationship, rather than your postcode. It sounds very unbalanced. If you have told him that you are feeling this way and his response is to use his child to hold you to ransom to prevent you leaving him, then no wonder you feel depressed, that's a horrible situation to be in. You must feel very lonely and it's understandable that you want to 'go home'.

I personally would seperate from him and live locally, keeping DS in school, and things stable as possible, and set up a shared care plan between you and your partner, and give it a couple of years and see how you feel. Work hard to make friends and set yourself up independantly, while allowing your child the opportunity to have a relationship with both his parents, which is the goal.

I wouldn't be suprised if you felt much better under the new circumstances, and didn't feel the need to move 150 miles away any more.

I could have written your post myself except our families are further away and we have no family either side nearby. Life is extremely different to what I wanted and I struggle every day. I just try and get on with things as best I can

When one parent wants to move away, they have to demonstrate how THEY will facilitate child contact and pay for the resulting travel that the other partner wouldn't have to deal with, had the child stayed nearby. I don't agree with stealing the child and getting your way that way. You made forever choices having that child with that man in that place.

What I would do if I were you is - concentrate on getting better, stay there for now, move as much as possible within the confined limits that you have (build your happiness where possible, get well, start working, manage your mental health etc and live as fully as you can) because one day, your child will be old enough to choose and you can move then. This is not forever. You are constrained for now, yes - make the best of it and resolve to move later.

And have plenty of trips down there - one portion of extra paid work per month saved up for the cost of doing it.

Choices and consequences is a hard lesson to swallow. I reckon you have to suck it up for now and then move later.

Leave him and go to your family
He sounds very controling

Possibly one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read. Oh yes how shockingly terrible that fathers who are actively involved in their children’s lives are named on the birth certificate & have parental rights, what a crime!

Exactly what @trevthecat Said- he can't stop you. You're not married, he is your partner. You are your son's primary carer as you say. I highly doubt he'd take you to court- most men threaten this, but would never bother to go through with it. Once your son is enrolled and settled in a school in the place you want to live (and make sure you make this a priority and do this as quickly as you can), the courts would rule in your favour anyway (they 95% of the time rule in mums favour). And, ladies, this is why you don't put the fathers name on the BC of you're not married- it gives them parental rights without the security of marriage.

Move.
Make your life more pleasant surrounded by your village.
You can work out an arrangement for your son to see Dad if he is not willing to move for you.
I do not think he can tell you what or how to live.
Is it a control tactic of your partners or a fear of losing his son?
Is it possible for you to go away by yourself to your family and then decide what and how to precede.

You don't need his permission to move. You don't need his permission to move...

You can live anywhere within the boundary of England (if that's where you are). Not that you would but...

You need to organise and agree how you will both facilitate custody. BUT that doesn't mean he demands you live on the same street.

For example, You could live in Carlisle and he live in London; the facilitating of custody would include HOW you facilitate the child will get from one house to the other to achieve the agreed shared custody.

He cannot demand you live/stay anywhere.

Usually it would be each parent is responsible for the dropping off to the other house or picking up child from other house.

My friend's ex took her ds to Scotland from the midlands. My friend took her dc to Dubai from the UK. Both authorised by court. If you don't ask you don't get. My H travelled six hour round trip Friday and Sunday bi weekly to see his ds for years before he could get the train. Life is too short to be miserable.

There are OP and unfortunately for you, because what you want to do is take your child away from the only home and community he has ever known, his father, his family, his school etc, he is very very likely to succeed at stopping you or forcing a return.

I appreciate it’s a difficult situation for you, but once it gets infront of a judge their ONLY concern is about the best interests of the child. Your child’s father is going to have a very clean, simple & strong argument for your child staying where he is because that is the only home he knows & everybody he knows is there. The fact that you want to live somewhere else will not stack up against that.

There's a lot there about what he will and won't allow - it does not sound like a partnership with joint decisions being respectfully discussed.

I watched a video on someone who said that you must make the choice right, rather than the right choice. Once you've decided something you can't compare it to an alternative. You're assuming that your alternative - living close to your family - would be better but, since you haven't lived that choice, you don't know. You could, for example, have had a huge falling out with your family and be writing on here that you live close but don't speak etc etc.
I also don't have the family ' village' so I do know where you're coming from but can you do anything to help your current situation?

I get it.
38, single, chronic illnesses, no friends, low paid job and extremely toxic family.
My cat is the one thing that keeps me going.

Your DP cannot stop you from moving out and taking your son with you

Actually he can. My solicitor advised me of that just recently. He can obtain a court order and is likely to get it

@Blackandorange assuming you are not married so no divorce is needed. Your DP cannot stop you from moving out and taking your son with you BUT you need to agree how contact will work beforehand preferably. If you cannot agree a contact schedule between the 2 of you then you may need to go to mediation and possibly involve solicitors etc.

But he might also go to court to get a court order that the child is to live with his father, in the town where he’s lived all his life, surrounded by the friends and family he’s known all his life. And then it will be OP applying for contact.

A lot of the responses on here are assuming that the child belongs primarily to the mother, and the mother gets to take the child with her wherever she goes, with fathers only getting some right to contact. This is obviously not how the law sees it. OP appears to understand that pretty well.

My advice would be to have a very frank conversation. Make very clear to your partner that the current arrangements aren’t working and cannot continue. It’s not fair that he gets to live near his family and you don’t, especially when you are doing most of the childcare. It’s damaging your mental health. There needs to be a compromise. Maybe that compromise is that you move nearer to your parents for rest of primary age, and agree to live near his for secondary. Maybe it’s that you move to a town somewhere inbetween. Maybe you can also suggest to your parents that they move a bit closer to you? But make very clear that the two of you need to work out a solution together, and the status quo is not an option.

No, if you two can't work out a custody arrangement between yourselves he may apply for a court order but as far as I'm aware it's about a 2 year wait x